Ladies, help me in breaking the news to the Wife ...

[mark056]

My wife is pro-2A and a GOAL Family Member. She is not into guns and has no desire to shoot or carry. I don't get much flack in that respect.

This is not the place for relationship advice. I don't know if there is going to be a happy ending here or not. I suppose at this late date, a move to NH is out of the question or just not practical.

Remembering that concealed means concealed, maybe a "J" frame S&W in a pocket holster is the best answer...and yes sometimes it's best not to share everything, of course how long you can keep up carrying concealed without her knowledge may be problematical, but then discretion is the better part of valor, it's like people who have affairs, not everybody gets caught, just the careless and the stupid,.

Perhaps you can both maintain the fiction that you don't carry, especially if you carry the j frame. Afterall, it is the choice of 1950's TV and movie detectives and really isn't that intimidating looking. Take Michael de Bethencourt's snub nose revolver class and you are set. A Ruger P85 is a pretty intimidating looking chunk of hardware. It's just this teeny, itsy,itsy revolver after all. If not that, then get something really small before you move here, even a .25 ACP (which might be hard to come by here) which is better than nothing at all to carry and be discrete, very, very discrete.

In the end, this carry thing, could be a deal breaker, but unlike other states, Mass is not a community property state and you might end up getting a nice alimony check every month if there is a real disparity in income. Ask around about good divorce lawyers here in Mass and keep the number in your speed dial. I'm not joking here at all.

 

[Da_lucche]

I know that most of us here only have to worry about the wrath of a wife learning about the purchase of yet another firearm. My marriage of 20 years is a good deal more complicated than that.

I love my wife in spite of her being an Obama loving / gun hating liberal.

There, I said it. In spite of these inconvenient truths, I have to work on completing our move to PRMA and preserving the marriage.

A thousand posters here have already warned "don't move!!!" but the die is cast. I'll be moving to PRMA because that's where her big new job is. We'll also have a big new house that she'll pay for with her big new paycheck.

For almost the entirety of our marriage, firearms have been locked up on one sort of gun safe or another. I never felt the need to go gun shopping in North Carolina or Rhode Island because I knew I could pretty much have whatever I wanted whenever I wanted it.

That's all going to change in PRMA, so I've done a lot of shopping in prep for the move for stuff I won't be able to purchase when I get there (which is about everything worth having ...)

That was the easy part, because I've simply not told her about the purchases. Out of sight, out of mind.

Once we get to PRMA, things will be different. We're moving to a "Green" town (Ludlow), and I've got the basic gun course training and paperwork all planned. She knows that I have to get the training and the LTC-A just to have the 15-round Ruger P85 which I purchased in 1989 back in North Carolina.

What I have to figure out is how to manage the meltdown that's coming when she realizes that I plan to try out some concealed carrying.

There's been enough shouting over the move itself to wreck more than one marriage. Telling her in advance of my plans ... I don't even want to think about it.

I'm waiting until after the move to spring this on her because then she'll be so busy with the new job and the distraction level will be so great that I might be able to pull this off and still be married.

So this very long post has laid the groundwork to get to this point, which is the point where I ask for ideas as to whether there is any way to "ease into" this subject with her.

I thought about wearing an empty holster around the house to begin with. That would certainly get her attention. I could say that I was just "practicing" wearing a holster.

Then I could move up from there to a real but unloaded gun. Or maybe I would have to go with a water-pistol as an intermediate step?

Having a holstered and loaded firearm in the house would be the last step before going out in the world CCW with one on your hip.

At some point I have to tell her that I want to be one of the 1,000+ people in Ludlow walking around concealed. She's not going to like it, and I don't know if there are any diplomatic concessions that would make a difference.

It's not going to be pretty, but I'm trying to come up with some way of making it manageable.

Jesus the second thread of the day that has given me Angina.

Dude, there is way too much thought process going on here especially when you have 20 years of marriage under your belt.

You've probably already done your share of compromising with your wife's liberal beliefs so how about you stop worrying and go get your LTC, get your carry gun, get your holster and CCW and now it's her turn to compromise.

 

[lasitter]

I am sure she is grateful for what you are giving up ... but I assume you are moving because you are a loving and supportive husband.

I think I decided when I married her that my job for the rest of my life was to bend over backwards to keep her happy. But I also think she's very bossy. She speaks to people in a very loud and emphatic voice (she yells at them ...) so I think that's why she's looking forward to her new job. Of course, I get this same manner of communication at home ...

You don't think she appreciates you? If that is where your mind is going ... you have bigger problems then CC in MA. I went down that road with my ex-wife...

She gets unreasonably attached to things, and I'll be in good shape if she is only as attached to me as she is our golden retrievers. She spent $6,000 to keep our last retriever alive for its final five days. Part of me thinks she'd just put me down ...

 

[FrugalFannie]

divorce. run bro.

seriously though if you've been married for 20 years the last place you want to get relationship advice is NES.

this

 

[Rockrivr1]

I admit that I'm old fashioned. I want to live and die married to one woman, just like my daddy did.

I try to ignore all the mass media messages that attempt to persuade us of what it is to be happy. I don't mind working at a relationship. I don't even mind much being the 2nd banana in a marriage. But it would be nice to be on the receiving end of some gratitude in terms of what I gave up back home in North Carolina so she could have her big important doctor career in Rhode Island and Massachusetts.

I'll be in PRMA in early December, so it's all over but the crying now!

Only you can say what level of happiness you are at and if that is enough for you. If you are content to be as happy as you are now, who are we to tell you otherwise. Just don't be the guy in 10 plus years thinking about how much happiness you gave up to stay with your "one woman". Regret is a terrible thing once it's too late.

BUT, once you get settled and have your LTC you need to let us know. We'll put together one of our very special "Open Carry BBQ" events!!! What could be better to let you wife, and your less then honest neighbors, know how life will be when 30 open carrying guys and gals are drinking beer and eating delicious BBQ in your back yard.

 

[lasitter]

This is not the place for relationship advice. I don't know if there is going to be a happy ending here or not. I suppose at this late date, a move to NH is out of the question or just not practical.

That was the first thing I begged for, and lost. She refused to consider the commute even though it's just another 15 minutes or so longer than what we're going to have ...

Remembering that concealed means concealed, maybe a "J" frame S&W in a pocket holster is the best answer...and yes sometimes it's best not to share everything, of course how long you can keep up carrying concealed without her knowledge may be problematical, but then discretion is the better part of valor, it's like people who have affairs, not everybody gets caught, just the careless and the stupid.

I have a couple of options that I may go with before the IWB route. I've got an LCP and more recently picked up an LCR-x.

Both are tiny, but .380 and .38 special +P are enough to get the job done.

Saying nothing could work for quite a while. She was really startled this past year when she learned that I've kept a Ruger GP100 in the gun box in our bedroom for our entire marriage ...

 

[dlarge]

Isn't your wife supposed to be your best friend, who you share everything with? No offense, but this situation reads highly dysfunctional to me...

 

[The5thDentist]

 

[mattyw]

Isn't your wife supposed to be your best friend, who you share everything with? No offense, but this situation reads highly dysfunctional to me...

agreed, you're moving with her, somewhere you normally wouldn't be open to, for her job, and doing all this other stuff for her, and you're worried she won't want you carrying a firearm that you already own and have in the house anyway?

it's not just for you it's for everyone. Tell her not to be so selfish


again, not recommended to take my advice on anything ever

 

[dlarge]

Also, why is it important that she's paying for this new house? What does it matter who "pays"? Aren't you guys a team...?

Shrug.

 

[AllaSnackbah]

i have nothing positive to add to the discussion in this thread.

 

[GaryO]

That was the first thing I begged for, and lost. She refused to consider the commute even though it's just another 15 minutes or so longer than what we're going to have ...



I have a couple of options that I may go with before the IWB route. I've got an LCP and more recently picked up an LCR-x.

Both are tiny, but .380 and .38 special +P are enough to get the job done.

Saying nothing could work for quite a while. She was really startled this past year when she learned that I've kept a Ruger GP100 in the gun box in our bedroom for our entire marriage ...

"Begged for"
Might want to try this other sight for advice....http://www.oprah.com/app/o-magazine.html

 

[Narrowback]

Not a lawyer, but you are probably better off financially getting divorced in Massachusetts. She the bread winner and you the emasculated husband. Get a nice liberal judge and you'll be back living NC in the double-wide of your dreams.

 

[kalash]

I think I decided when I married her that my job for the rest of my life was to bend over backwards to keep her happy. But I also think she's very bossy.

Not a good sign. But the most important thing is what these guys said:

...the last place you want to get relationship advice is NES.

The only marital advice you should take from NES is thus: Do not take marital advice from NES.

 

[icyclefar]

I think I decided when I married her that my job for the rest of my life was to bend over backwards to keep her happy. But I also think she's very bossy. She speaks to people in a very loud and emphatic voice (she yells at them ...) so I think that's why she's looking forward to her new job. Of course, I get this same manner of communication at home ...She gets unreasonably attached to things, and I'll be in good shape if she is only as attached to me as she is our golden retrievers. She spent $6,000 to keep our last retriever alive for its final five days. Part of me thinks she'd just put me down ...

I have a theory here, being that she is a medical person and all, I think she removed your testicles while you were sleeping, but don't panic and don't ever let on to her that you know it was done.

Some men, the few very lucky ones, are able to regenerate them, resume normal lives, and go forward being happy and making decisions for themselves.

Trust me, I have seen it happen first hand. It is possible.

Best of luck to you!

 

[center442]

i have nothing positive to add to the discussion in this thread.

Ditto. But I'm going to stick around for the .

 

[lasitter]

BUT, once you get settled and have your LTC you need to let us know. We'll put together one of our very special "Open Carry BBQ" events!!! What could be better to let you wife, and your less then honest neighbors, know how life will be when 30 open carrying guys and gals are drinking beer and eating delicious BBQ in your back yard.

If we can listen to the Red Sox at the same time, it's a date!

 

[IvIax]

Slap all the obama out of her.

 

[mbullism]

I have not read through 8 pages of this, but it seems simple. YOU have to be ok with it. How she finds out is immaterial. Tell her, don't tell her, whatever... when she says "no", YOU have to be ok with that...or not.

Simple.

Me? Id've been gone at "Hi, my name is..."

When my wife and I were dating, 25 years ago, I took her through this is who I am, and this is what I do... It's never come up again. It hasn't had to-

(and DUDE... you wanna take all that, and toss PRMA on top of it?... ya kinda gotta own what's comin')

and remember- YOU came HERE for advice...and ya got what you paid for...

.02

 

[lasitter]

and remember- YOU came HERE for advice...and ya got what you paid for...

First, I'm not sorry I asked. I've gotten great advice and more than a few good laughs from the replies posted here.

It is a curious conversation the two of us have over gun rights. I'm from North Carolina, and she grew up in Dyersburg, Tennessee, up from Memphis. Sometimes I think she must have been adopted to get all of that liberal into her ...

Long before we married, she knew that I had guns and had been in the military, and really enjoyed blowing stuff up.

I think we let the Marines (or is it Marines piloting drones?) take care of that now.

 

[lasitter]

I have a theory here, being that she is a medical person and all, I think she removed your testicles while you were sleeping ...

So that's what that jar on her desk is all about!

 

[Rence]

Talk to my brother - I think his wife might know about 3 weapons - he probably has over 20 !
It cracks me up. I guess he just keeps them put away

 

[ColdDayInHell]

divorce. run bro.

seriously though if you've been married for 20 years the last place you want to get relationship advice is NES.

Beat me right to it. Dude.

 

[AllaSnackbah]

OP, I stewed on this after editing my original reaction, but it needs to be said. This is going to sound harsh, but i think you need to hear it.



Who in the **** are you calling ladies dude? You better soak up all the advice you can get in this thread before she takes away your internet privileges for the night and delegates you back to kitchen bitch duties. You need to reach down in your apron and grab hold of that floppy little piece of dead epidermis between your drumsticks and kindly tell this lady to go make you a sandwich, and allow me to digress for one second, i dont mean a ****in little PBJ or anything, I'm talking one of them big ****ers subway makes for superbowl parties and shit bro. You need to march your ass down to the gun store, with her credit card, tomorrow, and buy a Barrett M107 or a solothurn or some shit, call up bravo concealment, or go to the saddle shop, and have them make you a custom OWB holster for that shit, pop a handful of viagra and march around your house carrying that shit with no pants on for the next month. IF she can't deal, it wasn't meant to be bro, seriously. Now I'm by no means a tough guy or badass, especially with women, and granted you've been married since i was like 7 years old, but the game dont change with age dude, you still need to put your man pants on, at least on occasion and say "bitch, sandwich." My lady accomplice told me once, just once, early on in our living together that if i bought another gun she was going to leave me because i "had enough", the next day i brought home $3,000 rifle just to see if she had the balls, but i already knew the answer to that question, nope, because I wear the manpants. Obviously I am jesting a little here bro, and please dont misjudge me for a sexist douche or anything, but dude real talk for a minute, if you are really truly interested in something and she refuses to accept you for who you are, it just isn't going to work, you are going to die a miserable old bastard hating her someday if you dont put a kabosh on this shit stat. Relationships are all about compromises dude, judging from your OP, she needs to give a little, cuz she somehow won the life lottery and got herself a great dude who will literally go to hell (MA) for her.

Im rooting for you brother!

 

[noxin]

Maybe he was asking the actual ladies of the forum for advice?

Op: sounds like a difficult situation and I hope you figure something out that works. Good luck

 

[goodzilla]

Ditto. But I'm going to stick around for the .

sub'ed

 

[Shark_Cage]

I told my wife that I didn't need her permission. Stunned silence then she walked away

 

[fencer]

Serious reply... and I am not going to pass judgement or call you names etc.

Why would you say a word? Just go about your business, carry you firearm and keep it to yourself. I will bet Atilla's life that she won't notice for months, possibly years.
When she does finally notice, say in 2016, just tell her in a very matter of fact and completely unfazed tone, " I have been carrying for years"
One thing I know for sure is that if she is making big bucks she is going to be working alot and therefore will often not be around.

Now, some will say " You have to tell her" !!! They are wrong. What, when and where I am carrying is about as much my wife's business as what lipstick or makeup she uses is mine.

BTW - Welcome to Massachusetts.

 

[paracarry]

I have been married for 31 years and been carrying for 30, 6 years ago I started to let her notice I was carrying. Her reaction " when did you start carrying a gun" me; over 20 years ago, her OH. End of discussion.

 

[Mountain]

First, I'm not sorry I asked. I've gotten great advice and more than a few good laughs from the replies posted here.

It is a curious conversation the two of us have over gun rights. I'm from North Carolina, and she grew up in Dyersburg, Tennessee, up from Memphis. Sometimes I think she must have been adopted to get all of that liberal into her ...

Long before we married, she knew that I had guns and had been in the military, and really enjoyed blowing stuff up.
View attachment 119482
I think we let the Marines (or is it Marines piloting drones?) take care of that now.

Dude, you have to be messing with us. Either that or your wife has some serious issues with her family and pretty much anyone she ever knew in Dyersburg. Not exactly a spawning bed of liberalism. Bluedog Dem, maybe...