The answer to all your problems is an AK47. The reason is because an AK47 is the answer to more or less every problem humans have encountered since the dawn of man.
Sure it looks even more evil than an AR, is the weapon all the bad guys in the movies use, and isn't burdened with excessive accuracy...but it's the best thing since sliced хлеб.
You can shoot the cheapest, shittiest ammo you can find! You can enjoy the scintillating aroma of your hand grips burning off after a few mag dumps! You can lubricate it with mud and clean it with pee! And...it mows your lawn, it picks up the kids from school, it gets rid of unwanted facial hair, it gets rid of embarrassing age spots, it delivers a pizza, and it lengthens, and it strengthens, and it finds that slipper that's been at large under the chaise lounge for several weeks!
You can't lose!
Look at these happy comrades!