Again, there is no one standard on this, it varies from shooter, to caliber, off hand shooting, supported shooting, barrel length, polymer, steel, weight of the gun etc.
This is the easiest way I can show you that goes direct to your question above;
Ok so let’s say a regular non gun person would look at these numbers below and think ‘ok this is easy, lower grain must mean less kick.
So .380, being the smaller round at approx 85 grains
will automatically have less felt recoil than a 115 grain 9mm, because numbers. Right?
View attachment 768884
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Wrong.
Let’s say you have a polymer micro pistol in .380, now because of that pistols size, weight (polymer vs steel) and barrel length, is actually going to have more felt recoil than a larger heavier 9mm
pistol. Even though the 9mm round itself is heavier.
Now let’s go a step further and put 2 different .380 pistols side by each, both firing the same 85 grain round.
A Ruger LCP (micro/polymer frame) vs. a Sig P230 (compact/steel frame).
Fire the same rounds through both of them and your perceived or felt recoil will always feel greater on the micro polymer gun than it will on the steel gun with a longer barrel.
When people refer to something being a little “snappy” they’re usually talking about very small and light pistols. You don’t generally hear anyone calling a .45cal 1911 “snappy”.
If you’re thoroughly confused, then you can see how many things may or may not affect your perceived or felt recoil, there really is no definitive answer for the everyday shooter.
Hopefully this helps some and doesn’t just confuse you more.