Spousal non-approval advice sought

Somehow work it out with your wife beforehand. Any other plan leaves an opening for the therapist to inject their own opinions regarding guns which likely will be bad news for you. If you report to the therapist that you've worked out an issue already they'll have less chance to steer the discussion.

Also, have there been any issues that you wish to discuss with the therapist that she has not? If so then you may be able to keep it just between the two of you. If not then, then keeping this issue off the couch so to speak will be tough. Either way work it out ahead of time.

IMNSHO (and IANAT) working issues out together is what marriage maintenance really is. It's not like the two of you taking your car together to a mechanic every 3K miles for an oil change.
 
I'd tell her that you flat out will not talk about this subject with a therapist, and you're hurt that she has such a problem with something that you are very passionate about. She is asking you to change who you are, something you would never ask her to do. Personally, I'd never step foot in a couples therapy session as I don't believe in involving paid strangers in my personal affairs, but that's just me. Best of luck to ya
 
Negotiator said:
Speaking as a psychologist, and ardent shooting fan, I know many folks in the business who are supporters of gun ownership and who would most certainly not freak out at the word GUN.

To the OP point - and I'm not that type of shrink, so take this for exactly what its worth - the whole notion of the maintenance couples counseling sounds pretty one sided to me and a completely bogus set up - sounds like the wife is using the venue to reaffirm her point of view in the marriage. She's against guns, so wants to bring that up in what very well could be her occasional way of resetting the compass of the marriage. No good, absolutely no good, can come from that type of situation. It's a zero sum game for husband.

Not passing judgement, just know that's a tactic that some passive aggressive spouses use to control the other half - using a third party to reaffirm and reinforce a position.

Need to get some large attachments and say a definite no to that conversation in front of a couple counselor - as before you can say Sigmund Freud, that will get twisted out of all context and the Op will be in a world of marital, and possible legal upheaval.

As Derek said, enough of the BS.
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Maybe his best bet is to change the counselor to be a gun-friendly one! Would you mind listing the gun friendly ones here, for him and for future reference?
 
I would not even consider threatening the security of my gun ownership with any third parties opinion no matter how educated he or she may be. Time to take your pants back and take control of your life and lay down the law.
 
z0mbi said:
Remember, logic doesn't work on women. You have to appeal to their emotions.
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My Advice?? Counter attack!!

You have just had an epiphany! and you realize that SHOES are evil.
You could go by degrees, of course, maybe just all leather shoes.. No more leather shoes allowed in the house.. All preban shoes will need to be gotten rid of, etc..


It's just about as rational...
 
A GUN IS ONLY AN EXPENSIVE HAMMER WITHOUT AMMO ,
IF SHE TRUST YOU TO BE RESPONSIBLE ,I ASSUME THAT IS THE CASE THEN IT SHOULD NOT BE A PROBLEM.
SHE DOES NOT HAVE TO LIKE GUNS BUT ACCEPT THE FACT THAT WHAT SHE LIKES AND WHAT REALITY OF TODAY,S WORLD IS ARE TWO DIFFERENT THINGS.
THIS WEEKENDS EVENTS NEAR SOMALIA SHOULD BE VERY TELLING TO HER
THE WORLD IS NOT A NICE PLACE EVEN THOUGH WE ALL WISH IT WOULD BE
GOOD LUCK I HOPE IT WORKS OUT FINE FOR YOU
 
CubJ3, it depends a lot on why you have guns and your attitude about them. If you do all your shooting at a range, and are not much concerned about home defense, that's a lot different from being someone who feels the need of having two loaded black shotguns under his side of the bed.

You (plural) and the therapist need to separate the objective from the emotional. On an objective level, you need to go as far as you can to see that the presence of guns does not raise the level of danger in the home. On the emotional level, you need to investigate the extent to which you wife is afraid of guns because...she is just afraid of guns. Any decent therapist will agree that that is your wife's problem, and she should be willing to address it.
 
Spousal disaproval

I also am married to an avid anti-gun woman. Contrary to some of the advice you've received on this forum, I recommend that you don't try to make her understand your interest in guns. Anti-gun people (like my wife) are like fundamentalist's (whether Christian, Jew or Muslim) they have a BELIEF that defies logic. She is entitled to her fear or whatever. Just maintaim that you can agree to disagree. This has worked for me.

Imagine trying to convince a Ghandi worshiper that Martin Luther King was finally able to complete the march, originally stopped by the klan shooting Medgar Evers, because of guns.

1) The belief (myth): Ghandi's non-violent policy won the day!

2) The facts: an African American malitia was formed. They were armed with sidearms and patrolled the perimeter of the march route. They also let it be known over the media that they were doing this...suddenly the klan had to deal with the fact someone might shoot back! As a result the march succeeded.

My wife and people like her are not going to buy this. They are programed internally to believe other things.

Make peace with her and ask her to make peace with you.

Just one person's two cents (worth what you paid for it).
 
I would start by asking her what her objections are. Most people who are anti gun that I know either say one of two stupid things:

1) I just don't like them
2) they are dangerous and somebody will accidently shoot themselves

You can then argue logically as to why both are nutty. The post above about wanting to protect your family at all costs is the best. That is why I carry and why I got a gun. It is FAR better to have a gun and not need it, then need a gun and not have it.
 
seanc said:
My Advice?? Counter attack!!

You have just had an epiphany! and you realize that SHOES are evil.
You could go by degrees, of course, maybe just all leather shoes.. No more leather shoes allowed in the house.. All preban shoes will need to be gotten rid of, etc..


It's just about as rational...
Click to expand...

The problem with irrational/illogical persons is that they wouldn't be able to connect the dots in this case. They would just call you crazy and leave.

Again, using logic to fight an illogical person is a complete waste of time. You HAVE to find another way to either address the problem, or get it dropped off the radar.
 
Cub, seeing a counselor 10 times in a year and a half is a little more than a marriage tune up. I don't want to pass judgement but it sounds like you two might be on the rocks and niether of you want to admit that the marriage is ending. My .02
 
I agree with the bulk of the sentiment here that taking this one "out of house" is risky at best, damning at worst. DON'T DO IT.

PERIOD.

My wife was terrified of guns when I brought the first one home, now she comes to the range a few times a year, and is even going to try a bowling pin shoot with me!

YMMV (And most likely will given what you've already written here). I do very sincerely wish you the best of luck though.
 
CubJ3 said:
Bottom line is my wife thinks there is something wrong with me because I own a handgun.
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032206-eject_sign.jpg
 
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Just a thought, if you think it is an understanding problem, IE. Does not shoot, has not shot, does not understand what shooting is about. MA Rifle is holding their 6th annual womens shoot in June. The course is meant to introduce women to shooting in a relaxed atmosphere.

All the feedback I have heard it is a great day and most find it to be fun. I believe my wife may be attending this year (she is not pro nor anti-gun, just mostly indifferent) The RSOs go through all aspects of shooting sports, black powder, rifle, pistol and shotgun.

My wife rarely shoots or goes to the range but at least she understands it after a few trips. I am hoping the ladies day will get her more into the shooting sports and we can enjoy shooting together.
 
Spouse not keen on guns.

Thanks to those who gave my question some thought. I appreciate your advice. And the verdict is? The session went well, and suffice it to say we reached an amicable compromise, which is easy and fair. Bottom line is I have agreed to store the gun in the house in an area that won't freak her out. The shrink was actually more on my side of this issue and took no sides at all about gun ownership pro or con. I think that is as it should be. If anything, (she had a good poker face) I got the impression she was actually PRO gun, but I digress. The very fact that my wife could bring the subject up to a third party and the third party did not freak out over her concerns seemed to ameliorate her fears. As I suspected, it boiled down to being afraid of something she is simply not familiar with. A very human emotion I might add. I suggested I take my wife out to the range and the shrink thought that was a god idea! Shwing! Whether or not that happens is another story (and I seriously doubt it) but, it all went well and I am at least temporarliy de-demonized. I have a sneaky suspicion this is not that uncommon a theme in the gun ownership world.

For those of you who have doubts whether a marriage counselor is a normal thing, I guess I can say it works well for us. Maybe not for everyone, but I have found it keeps things fresh. I'd prefer not to have to do it, but hey, pick your fights eh? Seems a small price to pay to make her feel better.

One of you asked whether I bought a gun and got an LTC before or after we were married. Good question, and the answer is sans nuptials, so this was NOT an issue delved into at all during our courtship. Never really came up as I was not a gun owner in the past.

By the way I yucked it up with the ejection seat picture and the divorce attorney links. Excellent! My wife did too actually.

So thanks again to all the latent Dr Phil's out there!
 
CubJ3 said:
By the way I yucked it up with the ejection seat picture and the divorce attorney links. Excellent! My wife did too actually.
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Glad it went well. And as for the above, to each their own. I am glad you guys can laugh about stuff like that and communicate with each other.
 
Take her shopping and when you get to the register, whip out your piece and demand all the money from the register, then you can tell her, "see honey, this thing is a money maker!"





disclaimer: just kidding, do not actually whip out your piece, ......or a gun either
 
That is what life is about - feeling good about wherever you are!!

CubJ3 said:
Thanks to those who gave my question some thought. I appreciate your advice. And the verdict is? The session went well, and suffice it to say we reached an amicable compromise, which is easy and fair. Bottom line is I have agreed to store the gun in the house in an area that won't freak her out. The shrink was actually more on my side of this issue and took no sides at all about gun ownership pro or con. I think that is as it should be. If anything, (she had a good poker face) I got the impression she was actually PRO gun, but I digress. The very fact that my wife could bring the subject up to a third party and the third party did not freak out over her concerns seemed to ameliorate her fears. As I suspected, it boiled down to being afraid of something she is simply not familiar with. A very human emotion I might add. I suggested I take my wife out to the range and the shrink thought that was a god idea! Shwing! Whether or not that happens is another story (and I seriously doubt it) but, it all went well and I am at least temporarliy de-demonized. I have a sneaky suspicion this is not that uncommon a theme in the gun ownership world.

For those of you who have doubts whether a marriage counselor is a normal thing, I guess I can say it works well for us. Maybe not for everyone, but I have found it keeps things fresh. I'd prefer not to have to do it, but hey, pick your fights eh? Seems a small price to pay to make her feel better.

One of you asked whether I bought a gun and got an LTC before or after we were married. Good question, and the answer is sans nuptials, so this was NOT an issue delved into at all during our courtship. Never really came up as I was not a gun owner in the past.

By the way I yucked it up with the ejection seat picture and the divorce attorney links. Excellent! My wife did too actually.

So thanks again to all the latent Dr Phil's out there!
Click to expand...
 
glad everything worked out for you. Now you have a good foundation laid for the future. Slowly work toward giving her more exposure to guns, without pushing them on her. You might end up with a shooting partner.
 
I live in kind of a limbo with my wife regarding guns in general. She is neither anti-gun nor pro-gun. Her concern is the money spent on guns that are of no use to her as she she has no interest in them. So I get the 'waste of money' line pretty consistently. Lets face it, enjoying this hobby is quite expensive. There are gun purchases, but it doesn't stop there...range, ammo, optics and other accessories, cleaning supplies, spare parts, safe, holsters, special clothing, targets, binoculars, the list goes on. So alas it is a hobby that I must take in moderation, and with many things in life, moderation is the key to balance and harmony. [smile]

The other thing that gets to her is the time spent on my hobby...range trips, shopping for all the above mentioned, cleaning, fiddling around with the stuff, research, this forum, and of course my conversation. My son is getting to the point of being able to share with me my hobby...good times. That she is ok with, it is the 'alone' time I spend on it, including my friends and brother and how much we talk about it. I am not saying I am consumed with my hobby, it just seems that way to her because she has zero interest.

I have been shooting for a few years now, marriage years that is, as I was shooting before I met her, then took a hiatus for several years due to my constant moving, getting my career established, etc. A couple weeks ago I said to her 'C'mon just hold this (HK USP), tell me what you think' lol. She never has held or asked to hold one of my guns before. She took it, as I mentioned a few safety rules, ie never point..., finger off trigger..., always treat loaded, etc. What did I get? "Wow, this is heavy" as she pumps it up and down like you do when you test how heavy something is, then gave it back to me. Well it is a start! [crying]
 
Smiles1014 said:
I live in kind of a limbo with my wife regarding guns in general. She is neither anti-gun nor pro-gun. Her concern is the money spent on guns that are of no use to her as she she has no interest in them. So I get the 'waste of money' line pretty consistently. Lets face it, enjoying this hobby is quite expensive. There are gun purchases, but it doesn't stop there...range, ammo, optics and other accessories, cleaning supplies, spare parts, safe, holsters, special clothing, targets, binoculars, the list goes on. So alas it is a hobby that I must take in moderation, and with many things in life, moderation is the key to balance and harmony. [smile]

The other thing that gets to her is the time spent on my hobby...range trips, shopping for all the above mentioned, cleaning, fiddling around with the stuff, research, this forum, and of course my conversation. My son is getting to the point of being able to share with me my hobby...good times. That she is ok with, it is the 'alone' time I spend on it, including my friends and brother and how much we talk about it. I am not saying I am consumed with my hobby, it just seems that way to her because she has zero interest.

I have been shooting for a few years now, marriage years that is, as I was shooting before I met her, then took a hiatus for several years due to my constant moving, getting my career established, etc. A couple weeks ago I said to her 'C'mon just hold this (HK USP), tell me what you think' lol. She never has held or asked to hold one of my guns before. She took it, as I mentioned a few safety rules, ie never point..., finger off trigger..., always treat loaded, etc. What did I get? "Wow, this is heavy" as she pumps it up and down like you do when you test how heavy something is, then gave it back to me. Well it is a start! [crying]
Click to expand...

Dude look in her closet and figure the cost of her shopping hobby. I bet it exceeds or matches the cost of your hobby. Factor in the time she spends shopping, add up not just the shoes but all the other special clothes accessories etc etc.
 
My wife spent more last week on a facial and some beauty products than I did on buying the effing 10/22 rifle, tech sights, trigger job and ammunition for the Appleseed. If you add the extra magazines and the $70 for the event price itself, I guess I outspent her slightly.

But in a month or so all her creams and gels will be used up and all I'll need is more .22lr ammo. And apparently some locktite for the damned sights.
 

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