Spousal non-approval advice sought

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CubJ3

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OK, Here's an odd question,

My wife, a lovable but raving liberal is opposed to guns of any kind. I know, I know, some may think that's an oxymoron but be that as it may, she wants to bring up the subject of my owning a gun (PO Slim Hawg) with our couples therapist tomorrow evening. No, we don't have a rocky marriage, just mutually agreed periodic maintenance. My question is this, how do I present my case nicely and gently rather than accuse her of knowing nothing about the subject, and therefore afraid of something she doesn't understand? [thinking]
 
I would first try to determine what her reasons are against it and see if you can address them.
 
I'd rather talk about seeing a counselor for "maintenance", but that isn't what you asked.

What would I do? I'd print out every copy of every report of a home invasion, robbery, assault, murder, etc and put them all in a neat little binder. Then, when she brought it up, I'd hand it to the counselor. I'd tell him/her that I love my family very much. The thought of anything happening to them makes me sick to my stomach. I plan on doing everything in my power to make sure no harm comes to them, and I intend to own any tool I can that would help me accomplish that task.
 
Why does she want to bring up your hobby with a couples therapist? Is it the fact that she doesn't feel safe with guns in the house?

My advice would be to say that you abide by all MA laws and your guns are always locked up and not accessible to anyone else.

Good luck.
 
FiremanBob said:
I wonder if this is a one-way phenomenon. Are there any pro-gun wives married to anti- men?
Click to expand...

While I wouldn't say Tom is anti-gun (he did handle mine when I bought it home), I do think he's a bit nervous around them. He fully supports my interest in guns and shooting, but has no interest whatsoever in shooting.

(Sorry to go OT)
 
CubJ3 said:
OK, Here's an odd question,

My wife, a lovable but raving liberal is opposed to guns of any kind. I know, I know, some may think that's an oxymoron but be that as it may, she wants to bring up the subject of my owning a gun (PO Slim Hawg) with our couples therapist tomorrow evening. No, we don't have a rocky marriage, just mutually agreed periodic maintenance. My question is this, how do I present my case nicely and gently rather than accuse her of knowing nothing about the subject, and therefore afraid of something she doesn't understand? [thinking]
Click to expand...


For me it is a sport, it is recreation, it is a way to unwind and hang with some really good guys. I get to be outdoors, get a little exercise, get some fresh air and sunshine and recharge my batteries.

I enjoy it. I enjoy seeing the progress I make in shooting at paper targets. It is new and exciting for me. I enjoy the time I spend with my son at the range... a lot. And so does he. In fact there are not many Dads around that spend the amount of time I spend with him, and this is one of the things we enjoy together, and I hope we'll enjoy together for the rest of my life.

I'll take all appropriate training and safety precautions. In fact I'll do more than required by law or suggested in training. I'll do the right thing, and I'll be respectful of your thoughts and feelings in the matter, especially in regards to where things are stored and how they are secured.

That's it in a nutshell. Some guys drive fast cars and motorcycles, some climb mountains, some golf, and some spend excessive amounts of time drinking in bars and chasing other women. Me... I just want to shoot a pistol or rifle at paper or metal targets.
 
Martlet said:
I'd rather talk about seeing a counselor for "maintenance", but that isn't what you asked.

What would I do? I'd print out every copy of every report of a home invasion, robbery, assault, murder, etc and put them all in a neat little binder. Then, when she brought it up, I'd hand it to the counselor. I'd tell him/her that I love my family very much. The thought of anything happening to them makes me sick to my stomach. I plan on doing everything in my power to make sure no harm comes to them, and I intend to own any tool I can that would help me accomplish that task.
Click to expand...


winnah, winnah, chicken dinnah [smile]


that's what i would do
 
CubJ3 said:
OK, Here's an odd question,

My wife, a lovable but raving liberal is opposed to guns of any kind. I know, I know, some may think that's an oxymoron but be that as it may, she wants to bring up the subject of my owning a gun (PO Slim Hawg) with our couples therapist tomorrow evening. No, we don't have a rocky marriage, just mutually agreed periodic maintenance. My question is this, how do I present my case nicely and gently rather than accuse her of knowing nothing about the subject, and therefore afraid of something she doesn't understand? [thinking]
Click to expand...

The therapist is going to make notes of your discussion. If you're covered by insurance, those notes may travel further than you want them to go. I hope this periodic maintenance of your marriage doesn't blow up in your face someday. At the first sign of "trouble" you're going to lose your Slim Hawg to the local PD and you won't have a Fat Hawg of a chance to reclaim it. Before you allow this discussion with the therapist, you need to speak openly with your wife and find out why the topic of your gun ownership needs to be discussed with a therapist. In the long run, this is not going to end well for you. I'm sorry but I'm not the least bit optimistic about the eventual outcome of this discussion.
Best Regards.
 
I would ask her to explain this couples therapist the reasons why she is opposing the guns. Then, I would privide my reasons for owning a gun, begining with "shooting is fun". I think the couple therapist will direct the conversation so you could find a compromise.
 
Sorry to hear that. I too see the potential for a restaining order and confiscation in your future. Do you have any idea how anti the therapist is? I the therapist is a shooter, it could come out alright. More likely you will get the 2 on 1 beat down, thought.
 
Timber said:
It's not really my place to comment on anyone's marriage. Especially someone I don't know on the internet. Every marriage is different. Every marriage is screwed up in its own special way. That said, if you're seeing a therapist for routine maintenance, you probably have bigger compatibility issues than firearms ownership. Dragging a hot button issue like 2a vs non-2a rights into a therapists office isn't going to end well.
Click to expand...

+1...

When I first read this thread, the first 3 words that popped into my head were something to the effect of

"Danger, Will Robinson!"

-Mike
 
While this advice may not lead to enhanced marital harmony, I'd consider raising the issue of barter: she tolerates something you like and you tolerate something she likes. For instance, supporting, contributing to, and voting for liberal candidates for office is far more harmful, both the to individual and the republic, than a few guns. Deal struck, you both agree to delete the other's irritating hobbies from the agenda for the counselor, and you can go back to the issue leaving the toilet lid up.
 
If you HAVE TO go thru with it, why not approach is this way:
This is a hobby that you love and devote a lot of time to.
You are very hurt that your wife refuses to share in this hobby, or support you in it, or even to rationally discuss it.
Limit all disussion to why SHE is acting irrationally.
 
drgrant said:
+1...

When I first read this thread, the first 3 words that popped into my head were something to the effect of

"Danger, Will Robinson!"

-Mike
Click to expand...

Agreed. I first read this and I could add nothing of value. I think Timber has it right on this one.

RKG said:
While this advice may not lead to enhanced marital harmony, I'd consider raising the issue of barter: she tolerates something you like and you tolerate something she likes. For instance, supporting, contributing to, and voting for liberal candidates for office is far more harmful, both the to individual and the republic, than a few guns. Deal struck, you both agree to delete the other's irritating hobbies from the agenda for the counselor, and you can go back to the issue leaving the toilet lid up.
Click to expand...

Spoken like a true lawyer! [smile]
 
I think this is one of those areas where you need to start out by doing a lot of listening and hold your tongue. Let her get it all out until she can't speak any further. Find out what really bothers her about firearms. A lot of people that dislike them can't even vocalize what it is--they've just been taught they're bad and that's it. You have to dig deeper than that: maybe she's afraid to have them in the house or maybe she's ashamed to have them in the house because all her liberal friends would be in shock if they found out. I've been there, it's not easy.

Don't argue statistics--it'll go nowhere--just refute her Brady stats with a simple "I don't believe that's true" and move on. Address concerns with hard facts like you're a responsible gun owner because you take classes, have a safe, obey the "toughest laws in the Nation", etc. Best of luck and kudos for the effort.
 
I say do your home work, find out what the issues are. About her fears and doubts, then do real home work on all the times people have used firearms to stop or help stop crime from happening, with or without firing a shot.... Also pull up some of the bad things that have happened, and give thoughtful, logical reasons, how they could have been avoided. And what you will do to ensure that you as a team will avoid the same tragedy by education and training... only my .02
 
Oh yea, try to do it in a calm collective way... Screaming and yelling gets you no where...[wink]
 
Martlet said:
I'd tell him/her that I love my family very much. The thought of anything happening to them makes me sick to my stomach. I plan on doing everything in my power to make sure no harm comes to them, and I intend to own any tool I can that would help me accomplish that task.
Click to expand...

This. Make it about her, not about you.
 
If things do badly: Just remember a 209A restraining order means ur guns get dropped off at the PD. Also, regardless of 209A you dont want her to be able to say that you ever pointed a gun at her during an argument, etc. Bring your guns to a licensed friend's for storage in their safe, so if the cops come looking for the alleged gun you pointed, they aren't there!

On a happier note, good luck with the wife. Try and compromise - find a crappy hobby of hers and then mutually agree to keep your hobbies to yourselves!
 
You do know, she's probibly reading this thread.

I'd point out that shooting is an olympic sport, so what the difference between shooting and archery?
 

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