Significant others objections to firearms

P-14 said:
I start all my new shooters on a .22LR pistol or rifle. No kick and pretty quiet to start. Then, your better half will move to 9, .40 or .45 at her own pace when she is ready. My thoughts only.
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I was referring to myself. I have been shooting a .22lr. If she was to ever want one I would have her on a .22lr
 
My wife just isn't into guns but she lets me do what I want. She's not afraid of guns, per se, just has an extremely sensitive startle reflex, hates loud noises, etc. Early on she didn't want any guns in the house, but I told her I was getting a pistol and set forth the rules for how they would be safely stored, handled, etc. Once she set aside irrational fear of loud things and recognized their utility for protecting the family, she became more comfortable with the idea.

I basically emphasize and demonstrate safe handling if she's going to be around them at all. She's been receptive to me showing her how to operate and render safe any guns I have.

Same with my daughter, although safe handling for a 6 year old, is basically, don't touch guns without permission from an adult they trust. If she or her friends find a gun, don't touch, find an adult. My kid has seen me clean, load mags, sight in scopes in the back yard since she was 3. She could care less about guns now, but also doesn't freak out if she sees them.

As long as I don't drain the bank account, wave guns around the house, practice tactical rolls in the living room (while she's home), she's fine with me having my "hobby".

Some nuts are tougher to crack though. Good luck.
 
robjax said:
You have to be prepared that if you are going to have guns she may feel more strongly against them than she has feelings for you.
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This is a close to getting it as anyone has gotten.

OP grows up in a household where firearms are hidden both mentally and physically.

OP finds a woman who matches the above criteria.

OP enjoys a new hobby with his father and tries to bring it home.

OP may not have the fortitude needed to see this thru as is evident from the first post.

Going out and just buying one will end life as you currently know it. As may some of the other suggestions. Trying to undo a lifetime of conditioning by force rarely works well for anyone.

That is your dilemma...
 
does she ask you premission to go to the mall?
a $100 hair cut?
get her nails done?

real men own firearms. buy it and tell her to live with it.
and if she standing up, a sandwich and a beer sounds great. problem solved!!![smile]
 
Does she get hysterical when talking about firearms? If she does, you might be out of luck. Trade her in for a better model[wink]
 
soloman02 said:
Guns are non-negotiable, as are carrying them.

If the girl doesn't like it, she can either live with it or leave.

ETA: this is my view on life. YMMV.
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Kind of the way it's always been with me. I've always been up front about it with all relationships so there were no surprises, and no "asking permission".
 
I assume that you will get the gun.
+1 on getting the safe first.
It doesn't have to be a $5,000 monster.
Just enough that when you state that your gun will always be in your direct control or locked up, it means something.

My belief is that guns will be part of our society for a (hopefully) long time.
Everyone(!) should have enough knowledge to make a gun safe.
After she's seen you clean it a few times and it's seen to be mechanical, not demonic, bring this up.
 
Squib308 said:
I don't want my woman to tolerate my guns. I want her to know how to shoot them and how to protect me and my family! something may happen to me and i want my woman to be as capable as me. we aren't much of a team if only I work the guns.

Many of you speak from perspective of macho, which is bullshit when it comes to women....none of you have ever told a woman how it's going to be. if you seemed to be correct it was only because she was letting you feel correct. and if you drop dead your firearms will be sold off for cash.
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I bet you can share the same box of tampons too. You let your wife tell you when you are correct? why would you roll over and allow anyone to do that? I'm in the right when I am, and She is when she is. It is fair, equal and respectful. have some self respect
 
My wife, who is hot, hates guns. SHes been shooting, been to classes, etc. just hates them. Although she is against them, respects what I'm about (and Im pretty hardcore about them, 2A activism etc) this is what Ive done.

- I don't compromise on owning/collecting/shooting them
- I also don't compromise on being safe - they are stored properly, they aren't laying around (critical now with a toddler)
- I make no bones about them - they're all loaded, chambered and I tell her this
- I don't make a big deal - if I'm carrying, I tell her. I tell her I'm putting it away, taking it out

There was a time, when she was pregnant, that this really caused an issue - think back to sandy hook, it got to a big conversation as to why I needed the guns, why I had to have them etc. Avoid those conversations and don't do what I did and say I don't ****ing care what you think they were here before you, they';lll be here when you're gone. Yes, I am an insensitive prick, so don t do that.

Listen to her concerns, but be upfront and adamant. If she wont bend on this or wants you to change something that's fundamental, hot or not, there's plenty of other ass out there.
 
My wife is 15 years younger. I do not ask for permission. You dont need her approval. The sooner you learn and the sooner she learns that it will make your relationship better. Better if she leaves, better if she stays. Sorry its blunt but thats just the way it is.
 
Amancini said:
I am new to the firearms world as well as this forum. I have been poking around the site for a few months and found the information to be very helpful. I am looking for opinionated advice from some members who may or may not have been in a similar situation.

A little background, I am in the late 20's and just recently received my LTC-A (T&H restriction based on the town [frown]). I have had an interesting experience personally as my father used to competitvely shoot and has always owned for home protection, but has never carried since I was born. Growing up I always knew this and also knew that everything was locked up in the safe and it would remain there until the day I approached my Father and said I want to learn. I never thought anything about have any firearms in the house because I know "the rules" and never had a desire to break them. Within the last year I approached my Father and said I wanted to learn and he was very happy to teach me. He took the class with me, we pulled apart his K17 Masterpiece and he showed me the ins and outs, proper cleaning, ECT. Then we went to the range and he tought me all different aspects. He is getting older and we have both enjoyed this experience together.

Naturally this has caused me to have a desire to continue to learn and purchase my own firearm both to continue to practice and for personal/home protection (within the bounds of my restrictions).

Now comes the issue. I have a long time serious (and hopefully future Mrs.) live in girlfriend. I believe when I first started talking about it she expected it would be a situation "this is a idea that will fade and I won't have to hear about it again" of which naturally that did not occur. When I try to talk to her about making a purchase the response is " Nope, I have never been around it, It is not neccecary, the answer is no". I have explained that the intent would be "locked up, but available if needed." There are no kids currently, but explained again that once that time occurs even more precautions will be taken at that point in time. I have offered to take her to the range, put her through the course given locally and the response is still she doesn't agree.

My question is has anyone else had this experience? What did you do to persuade? how did their signifcant other feel after all this was resolved? any advice is greatly appreciated

Thank you
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If she is not willing to at least try it as a favor to you, do you really want to spend the rest of your life begging her to do stuff? Grab your pants back and tell her how it has to be.
 
Amancini said:
Now comes the issue. I have a long time serious (and hopefully future Mrs.) live in girlfriend. I believe when I first started talking about it she expected it would be a situation "this is a idea that will fade and I won't have to hear about it again" of which naturally that did not occur. When I try to talk to her about making a purchase the response is " Nope, I have never been around it, It is not neccecary, the answer is no". I have explained that the intent would be "locked up, but available if needed." There are no kids currently, but explained again that once that time occurs even more precautions will be taken at that point in time. I have offered to take her to the range, put her through the course given locally and the response is still she doesn't agree.
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The root of the problem is this - you are asking her permission! This isn't about someone brainwashed with anti-gun agit-prop needing enlightenment, this is simply about you needing her permission. I'm not trying to dump on either of you and I truly hope you have both found a match made in Heaven, she gets enlightened and you both live long and prosper. It's just that you're not even married and you need her permission. I've been around a while, and that is not the beginning of a healthy relationship.
 
a couple things:
1) your dad was wrong. waiting to teach you how to handle a gun until you were 20 y.o. is a crime. What if you picked up a handgun at a friends house and someone got accidentally shot? He would never have forgiven himself for not teaching you how to handle a gun. It used to be really early a kid would learn, and by 10 or so would have his own gun. Now, much to my disgust, young kids are actually banned from some gun clubs. But still no excuse, if YOU have kids, teach them early.

2) my wife was pretty anti-gun, but knew even when dating me in college that i had a rifle for hunting. so, she kind of was gradually exposed to it. She did go shooting once, so she knew what it was like. Did not object to the kids learning, as long as all the guns were locked up.

i would say get her to the range and shoot some .22 rifle. Nice and quiet, easy to handle. She will see that it is a safe hobby, especially if you teach her the safety rules and watch her. If you are really luckey, she might enjoy it enough to go again. But at least she will learn it is not at all like what she sees on TV.

You just have to draw the line, and say in your house...you are going to have firearms. Dont rub her nose in it, find a space to clean the guns in the basement, dont leave the range bag around for a few days...put it away when you get home.

Hopefully you will work it out. If not, well that IS what dating is for, figuring out what quirks the two of you have before you get married.
 
Howland said:
The root of the problem is this - you are asking her permission! This isn't about someone brainwashed with anti-gun agit-prop needing enlightenment, this is simply about you needing her permission. I'm not trying to dump on either of you and I truly hope you have both found a match made in Heaven, she gets enlightened and you both live long and prosper. It's just that you're not even married and you need her permission. I've been around a while, and that is not the beginning of a healthy relationship.
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you are right on the money with this. right now it's guns. What about in 5 years he wants a Harley. "Oh no, motorcycles are dangerous"....yuck!!!

If you have to ask permission it is not a relationship.
 
Bill Katt said:
As mentioned earlier, one of GOAL's Women On Target courses would be an excellent place for her to start. I've helped at at a couple of them and have seen nothing but nervous looks turn into shit eatin' grins on every one of the participants. Awesome program IMO. [grin]
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This, without a doubt. I bugged my wife to take the class, she finally did, now has her LTC and loves going shooting.
 
Amancini said:
I am new to the firearms world as well as this forum. I have been poking around the site for a few months and found the information to be very helpful. I am looking for opinionated advice from some members who may or may not have been in a similar situation.

A little background, I am in the late 20's and just recently received my LTC-A (T&H restriction based on the town [frown]). I have had an interesting experience personally as my father used to competitvely shoot and has always owned for home protection, but has never carried since I was born. Growing up I always knew this and also knew that everything was locked up in the safe and it would remain there until the day I approached my Father and said I want to learn. I never thought anything about have any firearms in the house because I know "the rules" and never had a desire to break them. Within the last year I approached my Father and said I wanted to learn and he was very happy to teach me. He took the class with me, we pulled apart his K17 Masterpiece and he showed me the ins and outs, proper cleaning, ECT. Then we went to the range and he tought me all different aspects. He is getting older and we have both enjoyed this experience together.

Naturally this has caused me to have a desire to continue to learn and purchase my own firearm both to continue to practice and for personal/home protection (within the bounds of my restrictions).

Now comes the issue. I have a long time serious (and hopefully future Mrs.) live in girlfriend. I believe when I first started talking about it she expected it would be a situation "this is a idea that will fade and I won't have to hear about it again" of which naturally that did not occur. When I try to talk to her about making a purchase the response is " Nope, I have never been around it, It is not neccecary, the answer is no". I have explained that the intent would be "locked up, but available if needed." There are no kids currently, but explained again that once that time occurs even more precautions will be taken at that point in time. I have offered to take her to the range, put her through the course given locally and the response is still she doesn't agree.

My question is has anyone else had this experience? What did you do to persuade? how did their signifcant other feel after all this was resolved? any advice is greatly appreciated

Thank you
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Honestly man, grow a pair. Way too many people let their wives dictate how they can live their own lives. If you let her start controlling your life now, your marriage will either end in a divorce, or you will live your entire life being miserable.
 
Supermoto said:
I bet you can share the same box of tampons too. You let your wife tell you when you are correct? why would you roll over and allow anyone to do that? I'm in the right when I am, and She is when she is. It is fair, equal and respectful. have some self respect
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darn i was trying to keep my tampons a secret but oh well.

but in all seriousness, do you have a woman who can competently fire ALL of your firearms?
cuz I do. last saturday my woman was shooting trap....nailing almost every shot.

are you in a similar position? or do you just speak about being tough-guy on internet forums?
 
Amancini said:
Bought my bike 5 years ago [smile]
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Good deal. I got my bass boat in '99 (before we were married. In-fact we first met when I needed to insure the boat & she was my agent.) Also got the sportscar bug out of the way (BMW M5) in 2001, but traded that lifestyle for the Harley in '03, and couldn't be happier. Guns came starting in 2010. Her current biggest objection is how MUCH money I've spent on a) rods & reels, b) chrome and performance bike add-ons, and c) guns, accessories, and ammo.

All my "hobbies" are apparently just too expensive. I keep telling her the next "toy" (probably a convertible, someday) will be hers.

I may order that book on Amazon m'self. Just make sure you go through the comm2A portal.
 
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Here's what you do wrong: you're asking for permission. Do as you please, lock the guns in a safe, and if she bitches, just tell her to stay away from them, and that it's none of her business. I live with the anti from hell. Didn't stop me one bit. I'm a grownass man, and I plan on keeping my balls in my pants, not in her purse. If you want to be treated like a free man, you'll have to act like it.
why do we even have this conversation?
 
It only gets better. Your training has begun. Who did she vote for?

Tell her that the safe your getting will be big enough for a mother-in-law [rofl]
 

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