Wedding announcement ettiquete

Even if they are trolling for a gift, I say don't do anything about it. There were people that my wife's parents wanted to invite to the wedding, even though they knew there was no way they would be able to attend. I was against it, for the simple fact that I didn't want these people to think I expected something from them. You want to let an acquaintance know you got married? call them - it's a good excuse to catch up.
 
Never heard of a "post wedding announcement".
I agree with others, if you weren't there or invited no gift should be given.

Personal note, I got married this past June in a small wedding (self paid, wanted something very nice but small) so I couldn't invite all the random friends and family that generally show up for these events. Anyhow, some of my closer relatives mailed a "gift" (read, checks). In response my wife and I made up cards with some photos of the day along with a thank you note and sent it out to those who mailed a gift explaining that we couldn't except a gift from parties not invited. My personal opinion is most weddings are nothing but a shake down for gifts. Silly ritual if you ask me.
 
Either an attention getting scheme or trolling for gifts. Either ignore it or send a congratulatory note back and be done with it.

This whole wedding gift BS is aggravating to me. I am not opposed to giving a generous gift to help young couples whom I am close to get started. What burns me up is this new thing that a lot of large churches are doing including my former church. First they invite all of the ladies in the whole congregation to the wedding shower and a gift is expected. Then they invite all of the guys to a "ball and chain" party where you go to a restaurant pay for your dinner and a cash donation is expected for the new couple. Then they only invite their inner circle to the wedding and reception, the rest of us scrubs are only good enough for a gift. Or they have an open wedding at the church and all are invited and a gift is expected but only the inner circle are invited to the reception and a dinner.

I hate to sound cheap but it gets a little ridiculous when this crap happens every 2 weeks in a big church. When my wife and I got married 23 years ago it was simple. Her maid of honor set up a small shower and invited the ladies who were the closest friends and family and everyone who was invited to the shower was invited to the wedding and the reception. My best man threw me a small bachelor party at his house, no donations expected, no expensive dinner to pay for and all guys invited were also invited to the wedding and reception. All of these open showers and open weddings but limited receptions are shameful stuff grabs in my opinion.
 
I received announcements before from friends who had very small weddings. These were people I cared enough to know about though and I knew they were getting married.

It is possible you are a relative on a certain tier. Like anyone who is an aunt/uncle or first cousin got the announcement to keep everyone on equal ground and no one feels like they got left out. I did this for invites to my wedding. I don't talk to a lot of the family and didn't want anyone to feel left out. I did have a 10 year rule. If I did not have contact in the last 10 years you were off the list.
 
NickW85 said:
I received announcements before from friends who had very small weddings. These were people I cared enough to know about though and I knew they were getting married.

It is possible you are a relative on a certain tier. Like anyone who is an aunt/uncle or first cousin got the announcement to keep everyone on equal ground and no one feels like they got left out. I did this for invites to my wedding. I don't talk to a lot of the family and didn't want anyone to feel left out. I did have a 10 year rule. If I did not have contact in the last 10 years you were off the list.
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I like that rule. I had a rule about my wedding, if I didn't know them by sight (for my side of the Family) they were not to be invited. At my Bar Mitzvah my Mother walked me around and introduced me to numerous 2nd and 3rd Cousins that I didn't know and never saw again . . . and I wasn't having any of that at my wedding.

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How about when you get a verbal invite to a wedding 1 hour beforehand? [rofl]

I called a good friend at work and asked what she and her fiancé were doing that weekend because I needed their help in cleaning out my late Father's house. In response she asked me what I was doing at lunchtime and would I attend their wedding that day at Hudson Town Hall! Yes I did and they also helped out that weekend. Turns out that her Parents (living in CO) wanted a huge wedding and she wanted a small one, so to solve that problem they eloped by taking a Friday afternoon off from work (all of us worked at DEC). Due to lack of time to plan on our part, thirteen of us (all friends, neither had any Family here) took them out for a wedding dinner at Legal Seafood and we pitched in for a group gift (don't remember what). Afterwards they announced their wedding to their Families (his was all in the UK). [rofl]

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One of my Aunts/Uncles had two Sons get married within a few weeks down in MD area, so we received an invite to a party at one of their homes in MD to celebrate both weddings a month or two after the fact. Yes, we went.
 
Maybe something like, the sorry window... except for weddings it would be like something, after it happened (and you weren't even invited to it) isn't the window shut? [laugh]

 
Last edited by a moderator:
I bet they were just afraid you'd show up open carrying and scare their other guests. Instead of sending a present, sneak into their house while they are on their honeymoon and steal something.
 
My cousin that I really don't know got married. My wife and I were not invited to the wedding. My parents were. After the wedding we got one of those announcement cards. I asked my Mom about it and she said we had to send a gift. I said hell no. Not inviting me to the wedding and the reception then I am not sending a gift. My Mom attempts to shame me into it by saying my brother and sister weren't invited and they are sending gifts. I think she was shocked when I said I can't help it if they are stupid. My Mom was something pissed about this for a long time and kept going on about how I embarrassed her with her brother (father of the groom) by not sending a gift. I kept repeating my mantra, no wedding invitation, no gift. A few years later I ran into my cousin and asked him about it. He didn't care and said those cards only got sent out because his Mom and new wife had the idea and he never expected anyone to send a gift.
 
Carl in Ct said:
OK, I gotta ask, how did you get un-invited?
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I got an email from the mother of the bride (who invited me in the first place). I only met the bride once, I'm friends with mom. She explained that the wedding was being scaled back, she felt badly about it, but they just couldn't afford the originally planned wedding.

Turns out it was a good thing. I had forgotten about the wedding and made other plans for that day. (WWII Weekend in Reading, PA - already paid for the motorhome rental - one of the auction items at Wayne's fundraiser) See http://www.northeastshooters.com/vb...oylston-is-unbelievable?p=4945352#post4945352
 
swatgig said:
I got an email from the mother of the bride (who invited me in the first place). I only met the bride once, I'm friends with mom. She explained that the wedding was being scaled back, she felt badly about it, but they just couldn't afford the originally planned wedding.

Turns out it was a good thing. I had forgotten about the wedding and made other plans for that day. (WWII Weekend in Reading, PA - already paid for the motorhome rental - one of the auction items at Wayne's fundraiser) See http://www.northeastshooters.com/vb...oylston-is-unbelievable?p=4945352#post4945352
Click to expand...

OK I was afraid you were gonna say it was because you slept with the bride to be or some crazy stuff like that.
 
Hell... I've forgotten to get gifts for a couple of my best friends and I was in the weddings. With all the other plans and travel it just slipped my mind.
 

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