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Tales from the Idiot Side

  • Thread starter Deleted member 12999
  • Start date
D

Deleted member 12999

Notwithstanding forum leanings, this is a thread for you all to share in the misery of the 'tard side. I know the other guys on the job (police, fire, ems) that lurk here have stories to share.

Medical Call: 23 year old female. No obvious signs of trauma. Alert to date, time, location. Steady on feet.

"I slipped on my stairs, and now my ear hurts'
"Do you want an ambulance?"
[Answers cell phone while I'm talking, ignores me]
"I need you to talk to my mom, and tell her how bad it is. She wants me to go in ambulance, we're going to sue landlord for light being out" - While shoving cell phone in my face
[Me choking back desire to choke]
"I can call you an ambulance if you want"

It doesn't sound like much, but run into this 'victim mindset' every day.
 
I couldn't do the job. There are just too many stupid people in the world, and these stupid people are much more likely to dial 911.

This should be an example of a parenting fail. Some of us look forward to the day that our children graduate college and embark on a rewarding career. The object of love and support their entire lives.

Other parents look forward to the day when their kid hits the ghetto lottery, and falls down the stairs, or gets in an MVA and can sue someone and get paid.
 
If she was carrying a gun, it would have been 'No round in Chamber or magazine with Safety on'.. AND she would let the slide fall on said empty chamber. [rofl]
 
5-0 said:
That would land me in an NES thread. [rofl]
Click to expand...

Well it's obvious she didn't trip over her dog... otherwise we'd be reading an article about you shooting it.

All in jest. I got a warning the other day instead of a ticket, so I've still got the not-all-cops-are-jerks vibe still going on.
 
After 33 years I could write a book, but no one would believe it wasn't fiction. The worst part is the stupid lies people tell and expect us to believe.

"I was painting my kitchen in the nude because I didn't want to ruin my clothes. I sat down for a minute and forgot I put my beer on the stool. That's how that bottle got in my colon, really."

"I don't use Heroin, I'm a diabetic, I always give myself my Insulin in a vein."

"I only had two beers."

"If I go by ambulance, they'll see me faster in the hospital."

Six more shifts and I'm done.
 
Some of the funniest stories I have ever heard are from a friend that is a retired Arlington cop.

Garys, ( and everyone else) stay safe out there.
 
Garys said:
After 33 years I could write a book, but no one would believe it wasn't fiction. The worst part is the stupid lies people tell and expect us to believe.

"I was painting my kitchen in the nude because I didn't want to ruin my clothes. I sat down for a minute and forgot I put my beer on the stool. That's how that bottle got in my colon, really."

"I don't use Heroin, I'm a diabetic, I always give myself my Insulin in a vein."

"I only had two beers."

"If I go by ambulance, they'll see me faster in the hospital."

Six more shifts and I'm done.
Click to expand...

Enjoy your retirement. You earned it Garys
 
I heard a cop say once, "look man, it's not YOU, it's the 500 retards before you that pissed me off." I guess it makes sense. Want to see how stupid people truly are? Work a road detail on 119 in Groton or any main road for 8 hours.

Listen to the smart assed remarks when you go into dunkies for a coffee at the end of your 16 hour shift. "HAHAHAA LOOK! A COP IS EATING A DONUT! HAHAHA!" Yeah dickhead, so are YOU, whats your point? You at least get a lunch break.

The 911 callers are awesome too. Most working stiffs will put a tourniquette on the bloody stump of their leg and hop to the ER before calling 911. The bums, welfare queens and drug addicts call 911 just for a ride downtown. Seriously, they do. In my experience, 1 out of 10 (maybe) 911 calls are for real emergencies. The rest are just bandaid material.
 
My Son is a big fan of "Worlds Dumbest" on Tru TV and my two favorites are the guy that called 911 for a ride home, and the woman that called 911 back because she wanted the dispatcher to send the cute cop back to her house so she could get his phone number. She was charged and fined.

He also likes the show "Vegas Strip", which is like the show "Cops" but set on the Strip. I'll tell you, these guys must be hand picked for their mellow demeanor, and extensively trained by the Las Vegas Bureau of Tourism. You have to be a total screw up to get arrested on the Strip. People passed out on the street, in the bushes. People wasted everywhere and they never get arrested. The Cops just ask them to calm down and let them walk
 
fencer said:
My Son is a big fan of "Worlds Dumbest" on Tru TV and my two favorites are the guy that called 911 for a ride home, and the woman that called 911 back because she wanted the dispatcher to send the cute cop back to her house so she could get his phone number. She was charged and fined.

He also likes the show "Vegas Strip", which is like the show "Cops" but set on the Strip. I'll tell you, these guys must be hand picked for their mellow demeanor, and extensively trained by the Las Vegas Bureau of Tourism. You have to be a total screw up to get arrested on the Strip. People passed out on the street, in the bushes. People wasted everywhere and they never get arrested. The Cops just ask them to calm down and let them walk
Click to expand...

If they got arrested, what happened in Vegas wouldn't stay in Vegas.
 
fencer said:
I couldn't do the job. There are just too many stupid people in the world, and these stupid people are much more likely to dial 911.

This should be an example of a parenting fail. Some of us look forward to the day that our children graduate college and embark on a rewarding career. The object of love and support their entire lives.

Other parents look forward to the day when their kid hits the ghetto lottery, and falls down the stairs, or gets in an MVA and can sue someone and get paid.
Click to expand...

+1.
 
lots of stories from brother working on ambulance. They had one 'tard kept constantly cutting his veins in the wee hours of the night, but he could not quite do it right and for some reason the psych ward would not commit him. One of the doctors suggested that he jumps out of a building. He did. Fatality. Family tried to sue the doctor. Nothing came out of it.
Old lady was asked to provide a stool sample, so she shows up at the clinic with like a 2pint pickle jar, completely to the top filled with her shit plus it was packed in really well. [rofl]I guess, they could not blame her for bringing too little.
 
ugh, one more, not strictly EMT or LEO ... we had a train loop (end station) near a hospital and a some med students with sick sense of humor took a bunch of amputated body parts and put them on the train tracks during the night shift. 6am, lady is driving the train, sees the scattered body parts ... heart attack!
 
Garys said:
"I don't use Heroin, I'm a diabetic, I always give myself my Insulin in a vein."
Click to expand...

My favorite is:

"How much heroin did you do today?"

"I didn't do any heroin today."

"Sir, we just revived you with Narcan. You were pretty much dead 30 seconds ago."

"I didn't do any heroin."

"There was literally a needle sticking out of your arm when we got here."

"I didn't do any heroin."


Except for the last part where the needle was still in his arm, I've seen this exact scenario over and over. To be sure, though, there is usually a needle sitting in the open somewhere in the room.
 
That Guy said:
My favorite is:

"How much heroin did you do today?"

"I didn't do any heroin today."

"Sir, we just revived you with Narcan. You were pretty much dead 30 seconds ago."

"I didn't do any heroin."

"There was literally a needle sticking out of your arm when we got here."

"I didn't do any heroin."


Except for the last part where the needle was still in his arm, I've seen this exact scenario over and over. To be sure, though, there is usually a needle sitting in the open somewhere in the room.
Click to expand...

I call bs on this one.. NO ONE is that calm coming down via narcan :rolleyes:
 
I knew a guy once that asked, "What day does Thanksgiving fall on this year?"
Me "It's Thursday. It's always Thursday" and of course we all ragged on him for the day.
The following year. The same question.

Then he comes in with these instructions and want's to know how to find the lead wire (pronounced led)
It's not lead (led) it's a lead (leed) wire, and hire an electrician.

I could go on and on with stories about this guy.

Yes, he's American, born and bred. Just smokes A LOT of dope.
 
My buddies gf/ baby momma . Od with a needle in her arm . The drug dealer ran , the drug dealer girl friend called the cops then ran leaving he on the floor with her two kids under 10.
Me and my buddy got off work and as we pull up to his house we see the cops.i told him I'm not coming in lol and let him out. The stupid bitch tried telling the emts she didn't do h. I still can't believe he "had no idea"
Billerica for yea.
 
Neverknowsbest said:
I call bs on this one.. NO ONE is that calm coming down via narcan :rolleyes:
Click to expand...

Gee, my last 33 years, 5 months and 2 days of full time EMS experience must all be a dream. Then again, I'd guess you're one of those guys that still starts an IV and gives 2mg of Narcan IV push.

- - - Updated - - -

That Guy said:
Except for the last part where the needle was still in his arm, I've seen this exact scenario over and over. To be sure, though, there is usually a needle sitting in the open somewhere in the room.
Click to expand...

Sometimes a friend will hide the works before we get there. Then there was the time a working girl hid the stuff in her business end. I certainly wasn't going to reach in there to retrieve it, but her girlfriend/business partner didn't hesitate one second.

The things we see.
 
Ongoing:

We locked up a Guy stealing laptops and shit. Girl victim of a theft has called a bunch of times with laptops on eBay from across the country that she swears are hers. I'm ready to ask her to check BestBuy dot com to see if they stole it at this point.
 
This is the best thread I have seen in a long time. These stories are great.

I remember another one where a chic called 911 to report a drug deal in progress. Cops show up and she tells them she is pissed at her boyfirend and that he deals drugs."right over there" . She then holds up a bunch of crack and says " I just bought this off him"
Cop says, "turn around Ma'am you are under arrest", and slap the cuffs on her.
Priceless
 
fencer said:
This is the best thread I have seen in a long time. These stories are great.

I remember another one where a chic called 911 to report a drug deal in progress. Cops show up and she tells them she is pissed at her boyfirend and that he deals drugs."right over there" . She then holds up a bunch of crack and says " I just bought this off him"
Cop says, "turn around Ma'am you are under arrest", and slap the cuffs on her.
Priceless
Click to expand...

You should see when gangbangers and ex girlfriends call in warrants and locations on each other.
 

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