My wife is a royal pain in the ass. LOL It took me 25 years to realize I wasn't the problem. (Which is my problem - I look inside to fix whatever needs fixing before I bother to look outside myself. Basically, I'm a dream husband. I earn good $, I deny her nothing, I cook like a 4* chef. No, Im not available!)
But honestly, I love the hell out of her and she's spent the last 5 years - mostly the last 2 or so - really working on "her" stuff and realizing that how she communicates and acts is NOT how she thinks it is coming across. Worlds different.
She grew up in a very selfish house. And she never saw that. Selfish people never do. The selfish don't believe they are selfish - or they'd change. They believe they are justified in any behavior and often believe they think of others far more than themselves.
I'm about a bit over a decade away from retirement. And I know that if we don't work this minor stuff out first, it's gonna be ugly. We need to be on teh same page and know what we are going to do - both together and separate - in retirement.