Military funerals and cremation

Joe G

Joe G

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I'm not military, but my dad is. Former Navy, in the late 50's. He's getting on and feeling his mortality. He wants to be cremated and buried in a military cemetery, and asked me to look into the details. He's in CT, if that makes any difference. I've never had anything to do with any funeral arrangements, let alone remote (I'm in MA). Any ideas on how I might go about all this? Things I think I need to know:
  • How to set up cremation. I assume I can do that thru the funeral home, but correct me if I'm wrong there
  • How to get permission to be buried in a military cemetery. I don't even know where one is in CT.
  • Is there a difference between arranging for a full casket vs cremated remains?
  • Would my mom be able to be buried with him? If not, that'll be an interesting conversation with mom.
  • Whether or not you can still get an honor guard for the burial itself. I've read years ago that there was an availability problem, but never paid much attention
  • How to link together the wake, funeral, and burial when there's a cremation in the middle. Again, assuming that the funeral home could provide some guidance here, but figured I'd ask.

Thanks in advance for answers and any other insights
 
Your town should have a veterans' agent. They are paid specifically for questions like these. Call and chat with them; they'll have all the answers. They usually work out of the town hall.

When the time comes, reputable funeral homes are also generally well-versed in these details. If my family's experience is any indication, you just tell the funeral home "he's a vet and he wants cremation" and that's literally all they'll need to know. They'll nod, pick up the phone, and handle everything.

ETA: I forgot to add, yes your mom can be buried with him, and on the funeral detail? You won't get any good answers until the time comes. They'll do their best to assemble an honor guard, provide music, and fire a volley, but that will depend on who's available to do that on the day of the funeral. More often than not, Taps will be recorded (instead of bugled) and there's a good chance the honor guard will be gentlemen from a group like the VFW. If there's a reserve center or armory nearby, there's a better chance of getting an actual live detail to do the funeral.
 
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my dad had a military funeral and is buried in the national cemetery in bourne, ma. the funeral home made all the arrangements for us, worked with the va and local vet representatives and whoever else to make it happen. beautiful ceremony...flag presentation, taps, rifle salute. we didn't have to be involved.

eta: my dad even had about 10 of those bikers, freedom riders??? escort the hearse to the cemetery. my dad would have loved that. he was a wwII marine and the 2 lead bikes flew marine corp flags. it was a pretty special send off for one of the old breed.
 
My Squadron Commander passed away unexpectedly last year. He was cremated and buried in the Maine Veteran's Cemetery, with an Honor Guard from Fort Drum, NY.
 
greencobra said:
my dad had a military funeral and is buried in the national cemetery in bourne, ma. the funeral home made all the arrangements for us, worked with the va and local vet representatives and whoever else to make it happen. beautiful ceremony...flag presentation, taps, rifle salute. we didn't have to be involved.

eta: my dad even had about 10 of those bikers, freedom riders??? escort the hearse to the cemetery. my dad would have loved that. he was a wwII marine and the 2 lead bikes flew marine corp flags. it was a pretty special send off for one of the old breed.
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Likely Patriot Guard Riders. Awesome group of vet/non-vets.

www.cremationsolutions.com

Who Are The Patriot Riders | Bikers Paying Tribute | Hero Funerals | Cremation Solutions

If there is a protest at a funeral, the Patriotic Guard will get between the mourners and the protesters that are raising the signs.
www.cremationsolutions.com www.cremationsolutions.com
 
Joe G said:
I'm not military, but my dad is. Former Navy, in the late 50's. He's getting on and feeling his mortality. He wants to be cremated and buried in a military cemetery, and asked me to look into the details. He's in CT, if that makes any difference. I've never had anything to do with any funeral arrangements, let alone remote (I'm in MA). Any ideas on how I might go about all this? Things I think I need to know:
  • How to set up cremation. I assume I can do that thru the funeral home, but correct me if I'm wrong there
  • How to get permission to be buried in a military cemetery. I don't even know where one is in CT.
  • Is there a difference between arranging for a full casket vs cremated remains?
  • Would my mom be able to be buried with him? If not, that'll be an interesting conversation with mom.
  • Whether or not you can still get an honor guard for the burial itself. I've read years ago that there was an availability problem, but never paid much attention
  • How to link together the wake, funeral, and burial when there's a cremation in the middle. Again, assuming that the funeral home could provide some guidance here, but figured I'd ask.

Thanks in advance for answers and any other insights
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Licensed Mass. Funeral Director here.

1) Any funeral home of your choice can set up cremation.

2) You just need a copy of your dad's DD-214. He is entitled to be buried in any Veterans Administration cemetery in any state. I don't see a VA veterans cemetery in my directory for Connecticut, although there are two state veterans cemeteries (Similar qualifications with some slight differences) Massachusetts has the Massachusetts National Veterans Cemetery in Bourne, and two state run veterans cemeteries in Winchendon and Agawam. The funeral home can submit the application to any cemetery for you.

3) The veterans cemetery just needs to know if you will be burying an urn or a casket. (By the way, the urn MUST include all of the cremated remains. They do now allow you to bury some and scatter some somewhere else, etc.)

4) The deceased veteran is entitled to a grave for himself/herself, and one for their spouse. It doesn't matter if the non-veteran spouse dies first. The non-veteran spouse can be buried first, with a grave next to them reserved for the future burial of the veteran. The non-veteran can be a full burial (Casket) and the veteran can be a cremation (Urn), both cremations, both burials..it doesn't matter. The Massachusetts National Cemetery in Bourne also has above ground cremation niches available. (A niche is like a mausoleum for urns.)

5) The several branches rectified the problem we were having obtaining funeral honor guards, and there should be no problem getting one. He is only entitled to one honor guard ceremony, either at the place of burial, or at the place of the funeral service or wake. The funeral home can arrange this for you.

6) You can have the cremation first, and then a wake with the urn, funeral service, then burial of the urn immediately after. If you wanted to have a viewing/wake first, funeral service, then cremation; the funeral home would need a couple of days to complete the cremation. In that case, you would need to schedule the burial of the urn at least a couple of days after the viewing and funeral service.

Wheeler686
 
Meet with your funeral director of choice, they can walk you through the process. You'll need his DD214. Make and prepay both your parents final arrangements now.
 
My father was USN enlisted, honorable discharge, was cremated and buried in a non-military cemetery. The Navy provided an honor guard consisting of 2-3 Navy personnel (not sure if the bugler or another Navy man assisted in the folding of the US Flag). The bugler stood off at a distance of about 25 yards when playing, probably so we could not see that he had the artificial speaker insert in the bugle to play taps. This is common practice due to a shortage of qualified buglers.

 
Rob Boudrie said:
My father was USN enlisted, honorable discharge, was cremated and buried in a non-military cemetery. The Navy provided an honor guard consisting of 2-3 Navy personnel (not sure if the bugler or another Navy man assisted in the folding of the US Flag). The bugler stood off at a distance of about 25 yards when playing, probably so we could not see that he had the artificial speaker insert in the bugle to play taps. This is common practice due to a shortage of qualified buglers.

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When my grammy passed (she was a Marine in WWII), the local reserve center sent a corporal and two privates to handle the flag. Taps was played on a literal boombox. The corporal was extremely professional and had a good handle on his duties. He looked about 19 years old.

This was at the LA National Cemetery out on Sepulveda. Her husband, also a Marine, was already there.
 
Picton said:
When my grammy passed (she was a Marine in WWII), the local reserve center sent a corporal and two privates to handle the flag. Taps was played on a literal boombox. The corporal was extremely professional and had a good handle on his duties. He looked about 19 years old.

This was at the LA National Cemetery out on Sepulveda. Her husband, also a Marine, was already there.
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my ex-wife's grandmother passed while we were dating (the ex, not the grandmother) and she was a Marine during WWII, here in MA she had a marine/navy detail and an actual bugler..
 
To answer the dd214 question
Yes it helps a lot to have it but it's not necessary.
For my dad we didn't have his DD214 but the funeral home worked with the veterans rep to track it down.
That person was simply a tenacious advocate because tracking dad down wasn't easy.
My brother is the 3rd however my father insisted his entire life that he was not listed as a junior on any paperwork. We followed this and the VA rep found only my WW II grandfather and my brother's records. After explaining the situation the rep was able to find his original birth certificate and that he was listed on that and his enlistment paperwork as a junior.
The AF provided honor guard operate with a precision showing due honor.

If your father has requested it then honor his wishes, otherwise think deeply about it since receiving the flag is an extremely powerful event for the surviving family.
 
MisterHappy said:
As a couple have noted above, make the arrangements before you....need...to make the arrangements

Both my parents (both vets) had their funerals pre-paid, and all set.

It's nice (odd use of the word, in context) to not have to worry about it, as you will have other things on your mind.
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Putting money into a MA funeral trust (prepaid funeral) is an allowable expense during the Medicaid 5 year lookback period as long as the contract does not include flowers. The funds are held in an interest bearing account until needed, not by the funeral home.

There is a military contact for each branch of the service that assists with arranging honors. The fancy stuff like a firing salue, fighter jet flyover, etc. are available at certain ranks. When my father died, his ashes were buried in a non-military cemetary, and the Navy sent three servicemen, at least one an officer with a couple of stripes. Two unfoled the flag and ceremoniously re-folded it, while a bugler some distance away played taps using the electronic speaker insert while lip syncing blowing into the bugle. No firing salute since he was enlisted.
 
Rob Boudrie said:
No firing salute since he was enlisted.
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This doesn't determine whether a volley occurs. I've attended several military funerals, with a volley, for enlisted men.

The firing of a volley is usually more about the availability of people to fire it. If the funeral director can't track down one (or three) VFW members with blank-firing rifles and a few free hours around the time of the funeral, and/or there aren't enough available reservists nearby, the volley doesn't happen. In my experience, it's fairly rare these days.
 
pastera said:
If your father has requested it then honor his wishes, otherwise think deeply about it since receiving the flag is an extremely powerful event for the surviving family.
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i'm a 3rd, my dad, Jr never served, when my grandfather passed, one of my aunts was presented with his flag, i was a little salty, because i figured it should go to my dad, the oldest... and then eventually to me. but of course you don't say anything and i kept that to myself, family gatherings at her house i'd see the flag in a case on her mantle, fair enough...

when my father passed due to covid i was cleaning his house out with one of my uncles (the aunt with the flag's husband) and i came across a folded flag, in a drycleaning storage bag in his closet.... my uncle says "oh, that must be your grandpa's flag" i said "i thought you guys had it, on the mantle at your house, they gave it to..."

"oh no, that's *my* dad's flag, they presented it to her, but she gave it to Jacky (my dad) afterwards"

so, i have my grandfather's flag on the shelf with my dad's ashes....

and when i brought it home, i told my kids what it was, and what it meant, and told my daughter that some day, hopefully a long time from now, she'll be presented with my flag.

Picton said:
This doesn't determine whether a volley occurs. I've attended several military funerals, with a volley, for enlisted men.

The firing of a volley is usually more about the availability of people to fire it. If the funeral director can't track down one (or three) VFW members with blank-firing rifles and a few free hours around the time of the funeral, and/or there aren't enough available reservists nearby, the volley doesn't happen. In my experience, it's fairly rare these days.
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when i was in the MA guard, we'd send honor guards to funerals and would have M16s with blanks, 3 or 4 rifles firing 3 volleys.
ranks didn't matter, ready aim fire bang, ready aim fire bang, ready aim fire bang, *Taps*
 
Picton said:
This doesn't determine whether a volley occurs. I've attended several military funerals, with a volley, for enlisted men.

The firing of a volley is usually more about the availability of people to fire it. If the funeral director can't track down one (or three) VFW members with blank-firing rifles and a few free hours around the time of the funeral, and/or there aren't enough available reservists nearby, the volley doesn't happen. In my experience, it's fairly rare these days.
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My Army buddy in PA is doing 5-20 funerals a month. EM’s, NCO’s and officers. He’s a CW2.

When our Squadron Commander (O6) passed away, an active duty honor guard was sent from Fort Drum all the way to the Maine Veteran’s cemetery.
 
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Picton said:
This doesn't determine whether a volley occurs. I've attended several military funerals, with a volley, for enlisted men.

The firing of a volley is usually more about the availability of people to fire it. If the funeral director can't track down one (or three) VFW members with blank-firing rifles and a few free hours around the time of the funeral, and/or there aren't enough available reservists nearby, the volley doesn't happen. In my experience, it's fairly rare these days.
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Thanks for the info. The VA site mentions 2 guarateed military reps, more "as available". Ditto for honors like the salute.
 
Picton said:
Again, “as available.” They’re often not available.
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And due respect by rank or decorations. I had a Korean War Vet relative pass on that that was brother to an WWII MOH recipient. His other veteran brothers, my grandfather also WWII, were all deceased. He was the last veteran brother. He served with his godson- my Dad. Whatever he wanted was made sure to be there. There were more military guests than invited family. It was a public, not military cemetery. RIP, all of them.

As we've seen these honor guard funerals will dwindle even more so. They will mostly be held in local or national veteran cemeteries, for those who qualify. Not your next-door neighbor veteran buried in the family plot. God rest their souls.
 
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