May have misplaced my boys... but I won't have to sleep on the couch

[hicksonj]

I just got married on May 10th, and I'm adjusting pretty well to making decisions as a team. One of our early agreements, in relation to the finances, was a "big purchase discussion and mutual approval" agreement. I suspect pulling into the driveway in a 2009 F350 full of big screens and HK MP5s would roughly equate to a century of living in the chicken coop. This has really helped both of us really identify the needs, wants, and cans (we can afford what I/she/we want(s)).

Until tonight, I had not presented or made a personal "big purchase" since we got married. I recently located the Pre-Ban AR I've been searching for over the past year, seller is someone on this board, and I can pick it up on my way to the cape this weekend. I was going to pick it up yesterday, but the seller was nice enough to help me consolidate my trips East.

So... over the past 2 weeks, I have been nervously avoiding and procrastinating the presentation of my request. I knew my wife would have no problem with it, but I was truthfully a nervous wreck. Although she is ambivalent to firearms at best, she hasn't ever given me a hard time about my collection, small ammo purchases, involvement in IDPA, etc. I sacked up tonight, sick of waiting for the perfect time, and it went better than I ever expected.

I may have checked my boys at the door, but I don't have to sleep on the couch (or chicken coop) tonight! On an unrelated note, does anybody know the value of a 29 year old male's kidney on the black market?... just kidding.

 

[K-DUB]

Please don't take this the wrong way...
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..grow a pair.

ETA: Congrats on getting married.

 

[jenlynn724]

lol.. too funny..
...It's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission"

 

[hicksonj]

None taken... duly noted...

 

[moopey]

good for you man. I tend to go the other way. I try to hide it and then when she eventually finds out I deal with the fall out. It usually only lasts about a day but never results in me on the couch. lol.

For instance I was at a local shop over the weekend and also came across a pre-ban AR with nice red dot, cool stock, pretty much everything I want in an AR. I put half down so they'll hold it for me and I'm going to pay the remainder over the next month. This works out nice since it gives me more time to pay it off without shelling out one big lump some and the wife won't know for some time which will let her forget about the Glock she just found about.

 

[jasons]

You really thought you got away with it? You must be a newlywed.

 

[hicksonj]

You really thought you got away with it? You must be a newlywed.

Yea... I thought about that while typing the post. I expect to pay three-fold.

 

[SteelShooter]

I know how you feel. I have not asked permission to get anything (been married 26 years now), but felt like she was starting to resent my purchases. (I don't enjoy sleeping on the couch either). So I asked her tonight if she would mind me getting a new rifle (tomorrow). She asked some questions, I answered and she said, it's fine, it's your decision . So now, I don't feel so bad, she feels involved and I don't have to have a gun magically appear in my safe ( hey. how did that get in there?). I think you did the right thing, she will appreciate your hobby more and it will lead to a very happy marriage.

 

[jasons]

At least 3X, but I'd rather have a pre-ban AR than three pairs of shoes any day.

 

[jenlynn724]

I know how you feel. I have not asked permission to get anything (been married 26 years now), but felt like she was starting to resent my purchases. (I don't enjoy sleeping on the couch either). So I asked her tonight if she would mind me getting a new rifle (tomorrow). She asked some questions, I answered and she said, it's fine, it's your decision . So now, I don't feel so bad, she feels involved and I don't have to have a gun magically appear in my safe ( hey. how did that get in there?). I think you did the right thing, she will appreciate your hobby more and it will lead to a very happy marriage.

"It's fine, it's your decision" does NOT mean yes!! Do not buy that rifle....

 

[hicksonj]

Fine is a dangerous word... roughly equivalent to pulling into a garage nose first without reverse.

 

[Hanwei]

grow a pair.

Hey, every relationship works in different ways. What works for one, doesn't necessarily work for another.

It's perfectly rational to have both people agree on large purchases/decisions. I just wouldn't consider an AR a "large" purchase, is all To me, guns (and other material goods) fall under each person's "discretionary" funds.

When I lived with my girlfriend, we had a joint account which we both paid into for mutual expenses (bills, rent, etc). The rest of our individual incomes stayed in our own individual accounts and we could do whatever we wanted with our own monies.

Had we gotten married, our system would have stayed the same. As long as the bills are paid... and we're putting money away in savings and other mutual financial goals, etc.... the rest of her money is her money and the rest of my money is my money.

This way, no one in the relationship ever has to ask the other for permission to buy something. And no one in the relationship should be able to control what the other does with their own monies.

Again, though, what works for me won't work for everyone else.

To the OP... I'm glad it went well for you tonight

 

[Hanwei]

"It's fine, it's your decision" does NOT mean yes!! Do not buy that rifle....

Fine is a dangerous word... roughly equivalent to pulling into a garage nose first without reverse.

So true.

If she actually used the phrase "It's fine..." I'd maybe hold off on the purchase until you can figure out exactly how she feels about it

 

[jenlynn724]

Fine, it's your decision -translation- go ahead, and see what happens...

it's fine with me = ok to buy..

 

[K-DUB]

Not all women use double speak. Some of us would say "fine, it's your decision", & mean it.

 

[Hanwei]

This is true too... unfortunately these women are too few.

 

[jenlynn724]

Not all women use double speak. Some of us would say "fine, it's your decision", & mean it.

I understand what you are saying. If I was ok with my husband buying something, I would say, go ahead", or "it's fine with me" "It's fine, it's your decision" sounds to me like she is pretty much saying that if he buys it, it is his decision alone, which in turn would mean they weren't in agreement..

 

[jenlynn724]

It's hard to say really though without personally knowing the couple..

 

[Kalahari]

I hate the word "fine" so, so much. Its almost never good.

 

[cekim]

Seems to me this purchase is grandfathered in as a "pre-existing condition"

 

[KMaurer]

Three checking accounts - his, hers and ours. Whatever you need for living expenses (rent, food, insurance, utilities, transportation, vacations, etc.) comes out of "ours". Anything over and above this gets divided equally between his and hers. Neither party has the slightest say in what the other does with the money in their personal account.

Ken

 

[Fooped]

"It's fine, it's your decision" does NOT mean yes!! Do not buy that rifle....

"It's fine" DOES mean yes. In English, that is.

If people said what they meant and meant what they said, 3/4 of married couple arguements simply would not occur.

If it's not okay, say so. If it is, then it is.

And before anyone starts with the "You're obviously not married" marlarky, save it.

 

[Fooped]

Not all women use double speak. Some of us would say "fine, it's your decision", & mean it.

You know it sister.

 

[Underwhere]

Wow. I don't want to get married ever.

 

[CrossFrire]

23 years of marriage and we also use the three account system.
"Our money" - pays the mortgage, bills, food, tuition ect.
"Her money" - funds Jewerly TV and who knows what else.
"My money" - fills gun safes, floats the boat and pays for the hunting trips.

It has worked well. It will also help to drop a little on her favorite weaknesses.
It's funny how someof MY major firearm buys have come shortly after she got a large rock or something for whatever reason.

She was so happy with her Mothers' Ring a few years back she never even noticed the Shilo Sharps Quigley model.

 

[PantherarmsAR10]

Yea I told my wife I wanted to get in on the 1911 group buy and she said "thats fine, as long as you buy me a new lens for my camera!"

 

[Big Daddy 45acp]

All you single guys need to find a wife like mine. She buys me guns!

 

[packingungal]

You are doing alright - discovering the boundaries - everyone does it the best way each can.

 

[n1oty]

You must be a newlywed,.................

.............but you'll learn. Boy, will you learn. May I give you the benefit of my 25 years of marriage? And to the same woman?

You will never hear the end of her "largesse". I know, I know, you paid for the AR and she was merely acquiescing to your desire. However, if you EVER try to resist some purchase she wants in the future she will gladly remind you of this, and any future examples, of her ALLOWING you to proceed with YOUR hobby. Heck, my wife still trots out examples from early in our marriage that I had plainly forgotten about!!! I'm telling you, a wife has a mind like a steel trap and she will NOT let you forget.

I think the ratio that you ultimately will have to pay will be around 20:1, if my marriage is any barometer. My recent AR purchase (around $1000) cost me almost $20,000 for a house face lift that SHE wanted.

Yea... I thought about that while typing the post. I expect to pay three-fold.

 

[Mark from MA]

Please don't take this the wrong way...
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..grow a pair.

ETA: Congrats on getting married.

+1

There's way's to hide purchases....believe me many on this site have creative ways.....

I'll start you with my personal favorite....

Do your own home improvements...buy materials with cash and buy "extra" materials.......return that "extra" material...buy a gun. Believe me...if your doing something they really want around the house......spending money is not an issue. She'll never notice those couple extra boxes of hardwood flooring you paid for but don't have anymore....