Competition Pistol VS Family

Your situation is very different than mine, but I know what a drag it is to be the "single parent" and resent the times my wife isn't here... and we've only got two kids. If we had four, I'd feel a lot worse about leaving her to deal with them than you seem to, especially if it was for an activity I knew she didn't like. No offense meant.

YMMV, but it's true what they say: happy wife, happy life. I guess I'd rather I be upset than she be upset.
 
dlarge said:
Well, I was just saying that it's like any other balance in life, that's all.
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Makes sense. I stopped eating too much , I stopped drinking and now shooting :( I should start knitting . Can I wear Speedcross 3's and knit like a badass
 
earthshine402 said:
I highlighted what I think actually matters to your wife.
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This.

Jason L said:
Makes sense. I stopped eating too much , I stopped drinking and now shooting :( I should start knitting . Can I wear Speedcross 3's and knit like a badass
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Sounds like your SO needs to hear this, not the internet.

I'm not trying to give you a hard time at all, by the way.
 
Jason L said:
Things are better on her end after I listened to her complaints but this is only a temporary patch . This problem seems to come and go, I don't think PMS helps ;)
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The problem will keep coming up until there is an agreement, not a compromise by one side.
Mine was, I could shoot as much as I wanted until I made GM, then I would have to cut back, my idea and she liked it
Her's was, All our vacations will revolve around shooting sporting clays, eating ribs and drinking beer. Her idea and I liked it.

Before that, it was her saying"You're going to another match, I guess I'll just watch TV until you get home on my one day off" nobody was happy then
 
Jason,
I feel your pain ...you are not alone.
Most serious competitive shooters I know that are married or in a relationship have dealt or are continuing to deal with this balance issue.

For me communicating when I will be away has helped. I no longer give a days notice when there's a two day match in another state. I now actually put major matches on the family calendar.

My wife knows that shooting is a passion (obsession) for me and tries to be understanding.
I have found that telling your wife that you missed a match to be with her doesn't help.

From Mid-April thru late September I do my best to try and take a couple weekends off from shooting to do family time.

Good Luck and I'll see you on the range soon..
 
Make it a family thing. You may need to switch to some small bore shoots or trap. Something the whole family can do. May not be the competition you want but combining the two is a good time.
 
I don't want to sound negative but making your shooting passion a Family thing won't work in my opinion.
You noted she does not like guns. I think educating her about the events you are involved in and what it takes master those events might help. Also exposing her to your shooting friends might also show her that the folks you shoot with are ordinary, really nice people. It has taken me about fifteen years to educate my family that what I do at the range is more than just shooting up things.
 
dlarge said:
This.

Sounds like your SO needs to hear this, not the internet.

I'm not trying to give you a hard time at all, by the way.
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I didn't think you were giving me a hard time. I already talked to my wife yesterday and she seems quite happy with the conversation . It is amazing what me listening to her without getting upset did for the situation .I posted this question because like PMD says a lot of us have to deal with this issue. If it sounds strange ...I feel better after hearing all the opinions so it was constructive for me .
Thanks
 
Btw ... She has never held a gun but has a SIG Academy sticker and a Glock Professional sticker on her minivan.... That's what I meant by supportive . I put them there but she didnt mind
 
I believe that relationships get stronger when you spend some time with "your own kind." For example, I like to hunt. I go hunting 4-5 days a year. I encourage her to get together with her girlfriend and do something that they want to do. This year, they are both off to a spa weekend in Maine.

When we had kids at home, she had her night out once a week and I had mine. Give a little; get a little in return from her.

My thoughts only. [Wink]

Sent from the Warlock Command Center (in my basement).
 
P-14 said:
I believe that relationships get stronger when you spend some time with "your own kind." For example, I like to hunt. I go hunting 4-5 days a year. I encourage her to get together with her girlfriend and do something that they want to do. This year, they are both off to a spa weekend in Maine.

When we had kids at home, she had her night out once a week and I had mine. Give a little; get a little in return from her.

My thoughts only. [Wink]

Sent from the Warlock Command Center (in my basement).
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Good Advice, I have been doing this. I think shooting three big match's in three different states in one week was pushing the envelope ....
 
Jason L said:
Good Advice, I have been doing this. I think shooting three big match's in three different states in one week was pushing the envelope ....
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hmmm.. maybe...

I find it amazing that you have 4 kids and go to a match every weekend.

I have my entire year planned out on a shooting calendar that my wife can see, I like that advice by PMD
 
earthshine402 said:
hmmm.. maybe...

I find it amazing that you have 4 kids and go to a match every weekend.

I have my entire year planned out on a shooting calendar that my wife can see, I like that advice by PMD
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Yep me too , all the match's are on there no surprises.... Until she flipped to the month of June.... And flipped. There was a match on 5/31 in Pa and a match on 6/1 in NJ. But they looked like they were on separate months :)
At the end of the month I am helping with a stage at the Kelly match and there just happens to be IDPA at the same club the day before . I must set up the day before..... And maybe catch that match too .... I am doomed
 
My boat was not as full, but I sat in a similar seat. It use to be, Wife: hey what are we doing this weekend? Me: Oh I got a match. Wife: Wait, didn't you just have one? Me: Yeah, but that was a week ago already! Wife: - - - - -

Oops.

Any obsession can be a strain on a relationship, especially with the little ones (kids I mean). But it wouldn't be the same if it became a whole family event to me (to be selfish). My wifey appreciates that I need and enjoy time for myself, as long as we agreed (I appreciated Supermoto's point) I make that same effort to make time for the kid and her (individually) and us all as a family.

I love that moment up shooting where it is all about you, your pistol, your practice and what you have in front of you. Nothing else...then beep and your brain just stops working...ooops again. Some times the brain does work, and it feels awesome and cool. Hopefully someday I'll have my son shooting with me and my opinion will probably change, but I don't think I'd win father of the year bringing a 1-year old to a match.

Now, I don't sleep anymore, but that is a small price to pay :)

The calendar thing works for us now as well. Nothing to much to add, just my experience as well.
 
Jason, the 2-3 matches in one weekend and all the overnights are a bit much. Pick one of them and do more day trips. Being home for dinner makes a big difference.

She could also hang out with my wife. They seemed to get along well.
 
BostonBullit said:
My first season competing was 4yrs ago when the kids were very young and not yet playing sports. I got some heat that season because I was practicing after work every Weds and shooting USPSA almost every Sunday. I did whatever I could to spend as much time as possible with the kids on Saturdays so the wife could do what she needed to that day, or we could spend time as a family etc. Over the past couple of seasons it's been really hard to make matches with both kids playing soccer and the games on Sunday. I get to practices on Weds and get to shoot at our matches at HSA once a month but that's about it. I had to explain to my daughter yesterday that I was going to miss one of her games because I forgot the season wasn't going to be over and signed up for a Sunday slot at Monson's big match. She was ok with it more than I am.....her older brother has asked me a few times to find a different hobby because "we only get to see you two days a week and then you're gone all of one of them for a match" [sad2]. I'm building an Open Steel .22 to see if he'll get into the sport and we can spend time together doing that...we'll see.

The way I see it your family obligations will allow you to shoot or they won't. If you can't shuffle other parts of your schedule to fit in family time (or just spouse time) then you're going to have to give up shooting some matches because you'll probably lose all your guns in the divorce anyway.
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If you want to borrow a Ruger Lite 22 with CMORE let me know
 
Glshooter said:
Jason, the 2-3 matches in one weekend and all the overnights are a bit much. Pick one of them and do more day trips. Being home for dinner makes a big difference.

She could also hang out with my wife. They seemed to get along well.
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Could back"fire" , might become the disgruntled wives of Glock shooters club , yikes
 
Well, I'm not exactly sure how I got thru the days when my kids were very young, but somehow I managed. I may not have been shooting as many matches as you, but between shooting matches and being on the Executive Committee at my range I was "at the club" fairly often. I know one thing I did was schedule ALL my midweek shooting AFTER my kids bedtime. Having an indoor range with 24/7 access was a big help with that. I was able to be home with my family and help getting the kids to bed, then once they were down for the count I said good night to my wife and went shooting. Now, fast forward a few years and my oldest is 15 and shooting with me every week and it doesn't seem to be any problem at all. We practice one night a week at the range after dinner and hit a match every weekend if we can. In fact, my wife is the one making sure we are able to get to a match because she knows how much my son and I enjoy it, and it's great bonding time. My 13 yr old told me tonight that he has decided that by the end of the summer he wanted to try shooting in a match with us. I told him that meant he would have to switch from the Ruger .22 pistol to one of our 9mm guns and he said that he would start by coming to a few of our practice sessions to get comfortable and go from there. Once they are both shooting with me I bet my wife will let us shoot anytime we want because then she gets some quality alone time or can visit with her mom or her friends. Actually, she already lets me shoot anytime I want so I really can't complain.
 
Please provide picture of wife... I am sure there are numerous people who may be willing to fill in for you, taking care of her needs, while you are at the range.
 
Mittenk said:
Please provide picture of wife... I am sure there are numerous people who may be willing to fill in for you, taking care of her needs, while you are at the range.
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There is one in every crowd. Unless you have a monster c in your pants you need not apply. She is not wanting to downgrade
 
Jason L said:
She is upset because I am off having fun and she is home with four little boys. I try to be extra good when I am home and I get off work early to be with them during the week, but a few years of this is starting to wear her thin. We agreed to get a babysitter to help when I am traveling. She does not like guns at all . And to answer the question - she is sweet and beautiful
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when does she get the hours you spend to be by herself doing something she likes?
 
Jason L said:
She does not yell. She is actually very supportive . I think she is sad that I have a mistress , shooting. I encourage her to do stuff to feed her soul. I encourage he to take trips and have fun. I do admit that I am obsessed with competing and I probably have some issues I have to deal with to give up some trigger time.... It's not easy. And she is not saying I can't go.
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do you spend as much time focused on her as you do shooting? my guess would be no. When was the last time the two of you spent quality time, without the kids? how often? the chances of you needing to defend your life are far less likely than you losing a happy marriage through neglect.
 

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