Adoption

I had the incredibly good fortune of being able to adopt my first daughter from China, 18 years ago when she was 10 months old, and I was single/divorced. There were multiple screenings by social workers, crime checks, doctor, and financial/work status, over the course of more than a year. But it was worth the wait, to say the least. I have since been remarried and we have a family of 5. Anyways, guns never came up, and this was SoCal.
 
My wife and I went through it. It was a very long and invasive process but the fact that I had guns and a german shepard didn't matter at all. This was 30 years ago and I'm sure things have changed since then.
 
i'm happy to see here that a lot of you have adopted or are considering it, and it doesn't matter where your child comes from. it's a noble thing for sure. my parents never hid the fact from me, they told me as soon as they figured i could understand that i was "special."

two events stick in my mind. first, a little girl next door was taunting me, we were about 5 or six (over 60 years ago and i still remember) with typical shit....you're adopted, you're adopted....like it was something wrong. since i knew anyway i wasn't sure why she thought it might bother me. my mom overheard this and gave me the your special talk, you were wanted and chosen. years later, when my mom was dying, she was in a coma. her hands were curled into fists and the nurses would put rolled up gauze into her hands to prevent a more serious deformity. i sat at her bedside in the hospital, i took the gauze out of one hand and replaced it with my index finger. my way of holding her hand. this day i was telling her how i thought she was a great mom to me and how glad i was they picked me. i know she heard me, her hand tightened around my finger, squeezing it and letting go. then i asked if she remembered the little bitch next door, cathy, and how she use to torment me on being adopted. my moms hand started squeezing my finger like crazy. a last little sign of life but in my mind she understood. lol

and the second remembrance if you'll indulge me, concerns my dad. he was 80, very ill and in the hospital. he couldn't even raise himself out of bed, dying of emphysema and copd. he was ashen and gray. i came in after work and sat down, he raised himself up so he was sitting up, i swear the color came back to his face, and he said to the guy next to him in the loudest voice i'd heard in months, "this is my son." i could hear the pride in his voice. the tone of his voice i remember so well. when i left, i kissed him on the forehead, and it was the last time i saw him alive. that's a memory i'll remember until i go to the grave.

the point, there's such a bond between adoptive parents and their kid(s). i really think it may be stronger than that of parents and their natural children. it's really cool to know 2 people jumped thru hoops to get you. i know i was never taken for granted.

so sorry for the long post.
 
greencobra said:
i'm happy to see here that a lot of you have adopted or are considering it, and it doesn't matter where your child comes from. it's a noble thing for sure. my parents never hid the fact from me, they told me as soon as they figured i could understand that i was "special."

two events stick in my mind. first, a little girl next door was taunting me, we were about 5 or six (over 60 years ago and i still remember) with typical shit....you're adopted, you're adopted....like it was something wrong. since i knew anyway i wasn't sure why she thought it might bother me. my mom overheard this and gave me the your special talk, you were wanted and chosen. years later, when my mom was dying, she was in a coma. her hands were curled into fists and the nurses would put rolled up gauze into her hands to prevent a more serious deformity. i sat at her bedside in the hospital, i took the gauze out of one hand and replaced it with my index finger. my way of holding her hand. this day i was telling her how i thought she was a great mom to me and how glad i was they picked me. i know she heard me, her hand tightened around my finger, squeezing it and letting go. then i asked if she remembered the little bitch next door, cathy, and how she use to torment me on being adopted. my moms hand started squeezing my finger like crazy. a last little sign of life but in my mind she understood. lol

and the second remembrance if you'll indulge me, concerns my dad. he was 80, very ill and in the hospital. he couldn't even raise himself out of bed, dying of emphysema and copd. he was ashen and gray. i came in after work and sat down, he raised himself up so he was sitting up, i swear the color came back to his face, and he said to the guy next to him in the loudest voice i'd heard in months, "this is my son." i could hear the pride in his voice. the tone of his voice i remember so well. when i left, i kissed him on the forehead, and it was the last time i saw him alive. that's a memory i'll remember until i go to the grave.

the point, there's such a bond between adoptive parents and their kid(s). i really think it may be stronger than that of parents and their natural children. it's really cool to know 2 people jumped thru hoops to get you. i know i was never taken for granted.

so sorry for the long post.
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Thanks for the story. It's also great that your Parents shared that info with you at an early age.

I have a Cousin who was never told until she was in her 20s and found it out accidentally. She flipped out and became a drunk and a felon (on the run), couldn't handle it . . . and she was dearly loved by my Aunt and Uncle. The family doctor had told them never to tell the adoptee that they were adopted and the results were a disaster.
 
Len-2A Training said:
It's also great that your Parents shared that info with you at an early age.
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i have a 2 book set that was in the house and always available to me as long as i can remember called "the adoptive family." one book is for the parents and the 2nd book is a picture type book for the kids. i was always looking at it as a child. still one of my most valued possessions. it's still in print i believe. i had a doctor that was in the process of adoption. i gifted her a copy and she absolutely loved it.
Len-2A Training said:
I have a Cousin who was never told until she was in her 20s and found it out accidentally. She flipped out....
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yeah, i have heard too many horror stories like this. i believe if you're told at a very early age it's just normal and becomes no big deal. finding out later can be a shock for some people. and if they hear it second hand, it builds resentment. of course it's up to the parents to say or not.
 
The responses to this thread have been really wonderful. I had only expected to hear about the rules and such, when it came to firearms and adoption. This has been so much more than that thank you for sharing your personal experiences with me, I appreciate more than you know.
Thank you
 
I have to admit I was against telling our son he was adopted but my wife convincedme otherwise and for the first couple of years we sent the birth mother letters and pictures but we eventually stopped when she stopped. My wife was right and he knows all about it and it's built a stronger relationship than we would have had, I believe.
 
hillman said:
I have to admit I was against telling our son he was adopted but my wife convincedme otherwise and for the first couple of years we sent the birth mother letters and pictures but we eventually stopped when she stopped. My wife was right and he knows all about it and it's built a stronger relationship than we would have had, I believe.
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let me get on the soapbox again, lol...i've already said i've known since i could remember...ok, when i was in my 40's, i went to my mom's house one sunday and she was out. i let myself in and made coffee to wait a bit. the phone rings and normally i wouldn't answer but i did. some friend of my mom's, nope not here. then this woman asks me "are you her adopted son?" of course i say "yep, it's me." can you imagine my thoughts and questions if i didn't know? that was the first time i ever heard the word adopted used to me outside my little family group of me, my mom and dad. i would have been waiting for her to return and the first thing i would have said was "mom, you got some 'splainin' to do." bad situation, like len's cousin, i'd be confused, hurt and every other emotion.
 
My wife has a friend that worked with/for/associated with DCF. Her sister was a heroin addict and she took in the kids - and that's where DCF got involved in her life. She always thought they were doing the right thing and had the best intentions for the kids - now she KNOWS that isn't true. Her sister died of an overdose and now (from what I understand) DCF are being even bigger asses as they might be able to get some more kids 'into the system' not placed.

Home visits are frequent and intrusive and the kids have to go to a DCF shrink - this will end badly imo.
 

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