October 1977 interview of Ted Nugent: How did you get out of the draft? Ted: So I got my notice to be in the draft. Do you think I was gonna lay down my guitar & go play army? Give me a break! I was busy doin it to it. I had a career Jack. If I was walkin around, hippying down, getting loaded & pickin my *** like your common curs, Id say Hey yeah, go in the army. Beats the **** out of scuffin around in the gutters. But I wasnt a gutter dog. I was a hard workin, ************ rock-n-roll musician!
I got my physical notice 30 days prior. Well, on that day I ceased cleansing my body. No more brushing teeth, no more washing hair, no baths, no soap, no water. 30 days of debris build. I stopped shavin & I was 18, had a little scraggly beard, really looked like a hippie. I had long hair, & it started gettin kinky, matted up. Then 2 weeks before, I stopped eating food with nutritional value. I just had chips, Pepsi, beer-stuff, buttered ****, little jars of Polish sausages, & Id drink syrup. I was this side of death. Then a week before, I stopped going to the bathroom. I did it in my pants. ****, piss the whole shot. My pants got crusted up.
See, I approached the whole thing like, Ted Nugent, cool hard-workin dude, is gonna wreak havoc on these imbeciles in the armed forces. Im gonna play their own game, & Im gonna destroy em. Now my whole body is crusted in **** & piss. I was ill. And 3 or 4 days before, I started stayin awake. I was close to death, but I was in control. I was extremely anti drug as Ive always been, but I snorted some crystal methedrine. Talk about a wounded ************. A guy put up four lines, and it was for all four of us, but I didnt know and Im vacuuming that **** right up. I was a walking, talking hunk of human ****. I was six-foot-three of sin. So the guys took me down to the physical, & my nerves, my emotions were distraught. I was not a good person. I was wounded. But as painful & nauseous as it was cause I was really into bein clean and on the ball I made gutter swine hippies look like football payers. I was deviano.
So I went in. Those guys in uniform couldnt believe the smell. They were ridiculin me, pushin me around. I was cryin, but all the time I was laughin. When they stuck the needle in my arm for the blood test, I passed out.When I came to they were kicking me into the wall. They made everybody take off their pants so I did, & this sergeant says, Oh my God, put those back on! You ****** swine! Then they had a urine test & I couldnt piss, but my **** was just like ooze, man, so I **** in the cup & put it on the counter. I had **** on my hand & my arm. The guy almost puked. I was so proud. I knew I had these chumps beat. Last thing I remember was wakin up in the ear test booth. They were sweepin up, so I went home & cleaned up.
They took a putty knife to me & got the street rats out of my hair, ate some steaks, beans, potatoes, cottage cheese, milk. A couple days & I was ready to kick ***, and in the mail I got this big juicy 4F. Theyd call dead people before theyd call my ***.