Your Guns Suck - All of Them

[Jay G]

BTW, I've met Marko and he's just as funny in person.

And that boy can shoot...

 

[Mass-diver]

Great thread

 

[Fooped]

What the hell, let's keep this one going!


Franchi SPAS-12:


A "combat" shotgun that is more dangerous to the user than anyone else. Let's list some of the finer points:

1. You'll be strong as an ox after a few days of humping this iron in the field. Why? It's 78.5 pound unloaded weight eliminates the need for any kind of PT during your tour of duty.

2: Unless you're stationed in Cherynoble, and have grown that third hand you're going to have a real hard time bringing the stock into the ready position. Setting the gun into firing configuration requires a slide ruler, a team of three, and an advanced understanding of triginometry.

3. "Don't touch the safety! It's not...uh...safe..." This author has said many times before "Keep your booger hook off the bang switch until you're ready to fire!" Never has this been more true than with the SPAS-12; because the original safety on the gun is more like a second trigger. You know: shell in the chamber, move the selector to safe, "OK, everything's ok now and...BANG!!!!!" WTF? MEDIC! Franchi later "fixed" the safety so it was, well...safe.

This one's another staple in every Hollywood action flick. What is it with movie directors and mean-looking but ineffective firearms?

Yup got one of these too.

 

[n1zfg]

Definitely added to the subscription list

 

[Bob P]

S&W M&P:

C'mon, you really wanted a Glock, didn't you?

 

[Mass-diver]

Did we do my favorite rifle yet (perhaps the most hated of all internet guns)?

SOCOM 16: Weighs close to 200lbs. Will jam every other round. Front sight will blow off after the first magazine. Muzzle flash is so bad that it is blinding even during the day. It is the loudest rifle every made, you will be deaf after shooting it. Furthermore, out of the 16" barrel, the .308 has less knockdown than a .22.

 

[maee]

Kel-Tec: Not sure if they make guns or paper-weights shaped like actual guns. Really inexpensive pieces of crap that I wouldn't want my worst enemy to use. Bringing a Kel-Tec to a knife fight ensures that the guy that brought the knife is going to win. Favored by cheapskates, minimum-wage earners, and high school drop outs who, for some strange reason, haven't heard the word "Glock" before.

Don't forget that Kel-Tec actually makes their guns in the same Chinese plastics factory that cereal toys are made in. That way they can keep their costs down!

 

[maee]

S&W M&P:

C'mon, you really wanted a Glock, didn't you?

Yes, but all I had to do was remove two roll pins, replace a spring and perform about three hours of filing and polishing with my dremel! And look, its almost as good now!

 

[caillean]

Hehe. That was funny.

Looks like Marko did it again, this time with calibers.

 

[FITH]

OMG...

No one has talked about the Famous S&W Sigma

 

[drumenigma]

Ruger P90 - If you ever want to make an ugly firearm look good put it next to a P90.

 

[Jose]

S&W Revolvers: Archaic hand weapons from a bygone era, the missing link between flintlocks and autoloaders. Low capacity, and reloading requires a lunch break. Heavy for their capacity, unless you’re talking about airweight snubbies, which hurt as much on the giving end as they do on the receiving end. Rare stoppages, but few malfunctions that don’t require gunsmith services, which are hard to come by in a gunfight. Favored by crusty old farts who just now got around to trusting newfangled smokeless powder, and Dirty Harry fans with unrealistic ideas about the power of Magnum rounds vs. engine blocks.

Them's fightin' words.

 

[Manomet]

Just bought another Jose, gotta love em. Don't buy crap cause it looks good and you will read this instead of adding to it. Best thread since I joined.

 

[MagnumAl]

How about a Charter Arms?


Charter, originally designed to be police backup guns, this company has changed names more then most readers will change their underwear. Their guns sure are light, but don't expect them to work. For 200 dollars more you could have gotten a smith, but you really wanted to take your life into your own hands, didn't you?

I have a 44 and love it!

 

[Gil]

"Hi-Point semiauto pistols- the Fung Wah Bus of handguns."

Chinese wife and even SHE thought that was hilarious! hahah!

 

[n1bsbri]

 

[Electric Eric]

WOW!! Nobody has anything bad to say about the Mosin...I guess you can't really find anything bad about them.,,,except they seem to multiply in your gun safe over time...and I've noticed that when I get to the range, even if it's a "strictly black powder shootin' day ", that at least one Mosin and a few paper bundles of joy are in the back of the truck when I unlock and unpack and get ready to shoot.. Yes, I'm a Mosin Nagant addict. I don't know how it started, but yes, I can control it..I can quit anytime..it's easy..and i will quit...after I buy just one more....

 

[n1bsbri]

WOW!! Nobody has anything bad to say about the Mosin...

Here ya go ... Mosin Nagant Humor  AK vs. AR vs. Mosin Nagant

 

[Mike-Mike]

- - - Updated - - -

A few more...

Walther PPK- No matter how many of them you buy, none of them will ever
be anywhere near as good as the special PPK that 007 carried.

The 1911- When you look up "unreliable" in the dictionary there is a picture of one, with big red circles and red arrows pointing to the swinging link and
the plunger tube. Chuck Norris uses stainless 1911s as impact weapons instead of just firing them- it's more reliable.

(NB- I own 3 1911s and would never get rid of them... but they've pissed me off plenty of times, too. )

SW1911 PD/SC- Free coupon in box with gun for a bag full of replacement plunger tubes.

Seecamp .32 - A handgun that will always look far far better than it
will ever shoot.

S+W Airweight .357 Magnum revolvers- A gun where you at least
momentarily contemplate throwing the gun at the bad guy instead of firing it because you start thinking that, even if the bad guy shoots you, it will
probably hurt less than firing the airweight does.

Ruger Mini-14- "No Honest man needs more than 15 rounds.... patterned in a 20 inch group at 100 yards. "

Ruger centerfire autopistols- Hey RUGER!!!! Robocop called, he wants his gun back- worse yet, he's pissed that you ruined the trigger on it.

Ruger MKxx series 22 LR pistols - A gun that requires a Hammer as a part of
it's field strip/reassembly process- enough said.

Ruger Firearms - Are we buying a firearm, or a safety manual that was
made to look like a gun?

Anything made by Jennings, Lorcin, Raven, Jiminez... a pot metal replica that some monkey attempted to make into a functioning handgun.

Hi-Point semiauto pistols- the Fung Wah Bus of handguns. You don't get
what you never paid for.

FN FiveSeven - FN had to license a patent from Mattel to produce this handgun which was designed for that guy in the grey poupon car to hunt woodchucks with- woodchucks that just so happen to be wearing level 2 kevlar vests.

FN P90- Same as above but based on the falsehood that firing the same woefully inadequate cartridge over and over again at a high rate of speed will
somehow yield a different result.

Sig P210- A small box of magazines for this gun costs more than the gun
itself does. You would think the followers were made of 24 karat gold and encrusted with diamonds.

Glock- Perfection- Well, everything except for the barrel and chamber, of course.

New S+W Revolvers- We know better than you- that's why we ram that stupid lock down your throat every time you buy one of our revolvers.

Para Warthog: Para is running a competition to find the 5 people in america that actually have a reliable warthog.

Auto Ordnance 1911- Inside the factory, "Yakety Sax" is being played while this pistol is being manufactured, on an infinite loop. All pistols are submitted for QC, a half an hour before 5 PM, on a friday.

Olympic Arms AR-15 rifles- "We are the CHEAPEST!" (use Willy the Janitor voice while saying this)

Springfield Armory EMP 9mm - "Warning- pistol will not function correctly from factory. Use internet tips to repair. "

FN FAL- Or is it really, or is it a, metric, xiectalub barrel on a SA58 imbel couscous receiver, that has magazines that are not compatible with- oh wait, aw, screw this, let's just use an M1A.

Mac 11 9mm SMG - A Jackhammer dies, and is reincarnated as a machine gun.

HK- We make you drool, then we punch you in the face and deliver a kick to your nutsack if you ask for a sear spring. NEIN!

Taurus- "Mommy when I grow up I wanna produce real firearms!!!!!"

Ultramax Ammunition- You know, that guy, at the range, that's always
having trouble with his reloads? Well, now he sells them for money.

Magsafe Ammunition- there's a sucker born every minute.

ARES Defense SHRIKE Upper System- It's worth the wait, even if you have to write it into your will for your descendant to pick it up by the time it's done.

-Mike

How did you get you Mini-14 to hold 20"?

 

[white feather]

NAA .22 mini-revolver…
I don't recall what I did with that little NAA mini-revolver ...
Here is his earlier review revisited after he realized what happened to it:
[FONT=&amp]You cannot speed reload the NAA .22 LR if it is all covered with ew. EW, EW,EW.
The NAA mini-revolver is made out of stainless steel, and that's a good thing for a gun you are gonna carry in place like that... Consult your local and state law of course.* Damn… forgot about that. They even make a belt buckle holster, if you care to carry the gun in the open to dry occasionally. With a 1-1/8" barrel you're not gonna get a lot of velocity out of this gun, nor are we looking at any sort of long-range accuracy, either. This gun is meant as a last-ditch back-up to whatever else you might be carrying in my humble opinion. I use the word last-“ditch” with prior knowledge and no pun intended. The NAA .22 LR fires single-action only, which means you have to cock the hammer for each shot. See rant about single action revolvers. The sights - well for me, forget about it--they are too small. Most anything short of a 2x4 would be. Then again, this little revolver is for up-close and personal use: sort of "stick it in their face or ear" after you stuck it… there (EW) and fire it. In the earlier NAA mini-revolvers, it was only safe to carry 4 rounds in the 5 round chamber, for fear of dropping the gun and it landing on the hammer and firing the live round under the hammer. Duct tape would work well to prevent this if you could get it to stick. *This would explain why only four rounds were in the gun. Very safety conscious. The spent shell? Don’t ask. They don’t penetrate far from that short barrel.
I only fired the mini-revolver at 10 feet, as I believe this is a realistic distance for a back-up gun of this size and caliber. I wasn't getting itty-bitty groups and I’m not gonna lie, the “holster” wasn’t what you would call tight either. However, I was able to put 5-shots into a head-sized target, and that's good enough for anyone silly enough to get their head within 10 feet of that…
I am sure that this is a fine little gun but since I did not purchase one before they made the list, I do not know.
White Feather
[/FONT]

 

[drgrant]

WOW!! Nobody has anything bad to say about the Mosin...

Mosin Nagant 91/30... The favored bolt action rifle of soviet peasants, where the main operational feature is that you need a big ****ing hammer to unlock the bolt after every shot, because it likes to get stuck all the time. The gun looks like it was put together out of a car axle, some other miscellaneous car parts, and the stock was roughly hewn out of the wood sourced from an ancient department store barcalounger that was finally put on clearance- which is why they have to put a piece of metal on the buttstock to reinforce it. The rifle also has sights that are almost as worthless as the same sights on an AKM. To top off the frosting on this enormous turd cake, the rifle is also so effing long it doesn't even fit inside most rifle cases and sometimes even will not fit inside many gun safes due to its enormous, unnecessary length- which is even more amusing, because the length of pull on the stock, itself, is pretty much designed for a midget.

-Mike

 

[warwickben]

Mosin Nagant 91/30... The favored bolt action rifle of soviet peasants, where the main operational feature is that you need a big ****ing hammer to unlock the bolt after every shot, because it likes to get stuck all the time. The gun looks like it was put together out of a car axle, some other miscellaneous car parts, and the stock was roughly hewn out of the wood sourced from an ancient department store barcalounger that was finally put on clearance- which is why they have to put a piece of metal on the buttstock to reinforce it. The rifle also has sights that are almost as worthless as the same sights on an AKM. To top off the frosting on this enormous turd cake, the rifle is also so effing long it doesn't even fit inside most rifle cases and sometimes even will not fit inside many gun safes due to its enormous, unnecessary length- which is even more amusing, because the length of pull on the stock, itself, is pretty much designed for a midget.

-Mike

That's why I like it ....

 

[Electric Eric]

But you can shoot it all day for cheap money, if it breaks you can get another one for next to nothing, and it can hit an 18 inch circle from 1,000 yards.
That's good enough for me!!
1,000 yards 1942 91/30 Russian Mosin-Nagant (P/U) sniper rifle - YouTube

 

[Gibbs]

Glock: Favored by people who no nothing about guns

That's me!

(except from watching NCIS)

Love the show!

current and former NFL second-string athletes

I was fourth string!

17-year-old punks

I was 17! And I'm still a punk!

and people who don't like more than a magazine release and take-down level on their guns.

There are other doohickey buttons on guns?

 

[Gibbs]

SR9c: You can't decide whether you like your guns with better-living-through-chemistry plastic or your-grandfather-thinks-that-it-will-never-rust stainless steel.

It is essential that you have a pistol with the model name (and a safety warning) in the largest possible font for when you (a) shoot without your glasses and need to be reminded what it is that you are holding.

But one thing is for sure, you love it if a huge flag gets waved in your face to remind you that you have a round in the chamber, 'cause you are prone to forget such details...

 

[not new guy]

Auto Ordnance 1911- Inside the factory, "Yakety Sax" is being played while this pistol is being manufactured, on an infinite loop.