Wife's emotional affair?

jpk

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All I got is NSFW, no harm to the woman, but men of my generation would at the very least put the fear of God into the SOB involved. Or just dump her. If she cheats once, she'll do it again.
Which is why its generally a bad idea to get involved with people that are historically speaking cheaters in past relationships.
 

MarlboroughMan

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I'm not sure why people on this thread are commenting that OP shouldn't confront his wife. That to me is just communication (something women frequently claim that we're not good at). In my opinion, for any relationship to work things need to get put on the table and hashed out, whether or not it's tough to hash out. Since he has reason to be concerned he is justified to say something like, "honey, I have concerns and we have trust issues, the first step for me is that if we're going to try to make this work is that I need to see your phone and messages and history now so that I know what I'm dealing with here, and after that I suggest we go to a counselor to see if we can salvage this thing if that's what we want to do." I read a post from Fencer a few pages back where he talked about open passwords with his wife, find-a-friend, etc. and I couldn't agree more. Without trust and the ability to confront and communicate (even if it's just to say, this is how I'm feeling, so we need to talk about it) the relationship is sh*t.
 

new guy

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It would be helpful to have more details about how she got caught, and what exactly she did, or claims to have done. Maybe I'm just nosy though.
 

s4mt3k

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TIL abt "emotional affairs"... o_O

I'm not reading 10 pages to find out, but if no kids, why are you even upset?

edit: this is a serious question btw - like can you qualify why you are upset?
 
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mibro

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I'm not sure why people on this thread are commenting that OP shouldn't confront his wife. That to me is just communication (something women frequently claim that we're not good at). In my opinion, for any relationship to work things need to get put on the table and hashed out, whether or not it's tough to hash out. Since he has reason to be concerned he is justified to say something like, "honey, I have concerns and we have trust issues, the first step for me is that if we're going to try to make this work is that I need to see your phone and messages and history now so that I know what I'm dealing with here, and after that I suggest we go to a counselor to see if we can salvage this thing if that's what we want to do."
Sorry but that's Grade A Creepy McCreepster. [OK, childish, I know, but that construction amuses me.]

Cupcake has not concealed her "emotional" affair, in fact she's RUBBED IT IN HIS FACE. She wants to see if OP still has any balls. She wants to be entertained, maybe even set up a "let's you and him fight."

This is not the time for "honey, I have concerns." It's the time for a thorough ignoring, to man up, go out and (appear to) hang with other women.

What a shame Heartiste was Purged, so much wisdom and inspiration there for men, now lost forever.
 
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Spanz

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I'm not sure why people on this thread are commenting that OP shouldn't confront his wife. That to me is just communication (something women frequently claim that we're not good at). In my opinion, for any relationship to work things need to get put on the table and hashed out, whether or not it's tough to hash out. Since he has reason to be concerned he is justified to say something like, "honey, I have concerns and we have trust issues, the first step for me is that if we're going to try to make this work is that I need to see your phone and messages and history now so that I know what I'm dealing with here, and after that I suggest we go to a counselor to see if we can salvage this thing if that's what we want to do." I read a post from Fencer a few pages back where he talked about open passwords with his wife, find-a-friend, etc. and I couldn't agree more. Without trust and the ability to confront and communicate (even if it's just to say, this is how I'm feeling, so we need to talk about it) the relationship is sh*t.
i would not confront the wife until i had enough evidence to prove innocence or guilt. If you have a suspicion, and confront her, she can just gaslight you--convince you that you are crazy and imagining things. Simultaneously she will stop texting and phoning, and switch to some hidden encrypted communications method that is 10x harder for you to find. So like Reagan used to say...Trust, but verify!

She really has not admitted to much...just some texts. You want to find out has she done the deed, and if so, how many times. Often you are told a little snippet of the truth.
 

mibro

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My wife and I have always spent a fair amount of time apart, traveling for business, separate hobbies, etc.

I've never cheated on her, though I could have, and I've just sort of trusted her not to cheat on me. I never bothered her about where exactly she was at any particular time. When we traveled we talked at least daily.

So now, thanks to this thread, yesterday I asked her to share her location with me.

She said "sure."

I'm f***ed.
 

MarlboroughMan

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Sorry but that's Grade A Creepy McCreepster. [OK, childish, I know, but that construction amuses me.]

Cupcake has not concealed her "emotional" affair, in fact she's RUBBED IT IN HIS FACE. She wants to see if OP still has any balls. She wants to be entertained, maybe even set up a "let's you and him fight."

This is not the time for "honey, I have concerns." It's the time for a good ignoring, to man up, go out and (appear to) hang with other women.

What a shame Heartiste was deep-sixed, so much wisdom and inspiration there for men, now lost forever.
It's creepy but I'd want to know if she's still carrying on with it and she opened the door to trust issues. If she is (still communicating with the dude) it's game over. If not maybe there's hope with some counseling, etc. Key point for me is that a husband and wife shouldn't have secrets (like passwords) from each other and phones should be open to each other. If there's nothing to hide who gives a.f. if your wife/husband takes a look, especially after she admitted to something going on.
 

BaldAssCat

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It would be helpful to have more details about how she got caught, and what exactly she did, or claims to have done. Maybe I'm just nosy though.
I was thinking the same thing. If she confessed without being caught it a different story as far as trust goes. If she only stopped because she was busted then you can only assume she didn't want to stop and most likely didn't.

OP: Please don't read this as advice. I don't know anything about you or your wife and therefore can't have an opinion. This is just a response to the quoted post.
 

allen-1

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I've been very unhappily married - and I am very happily married.
If you cannot trust your wife/partner - then you either need to fix that or end the relationship.
Only you can decide if it's worth fixing. And it can only be fixed if both people want to fix it.
Sometimes you need help from an outsider to help fix a relationship. A good couple's therapist will help you cut through the bullshit and work through the problems.

I literally spend at least two months a year away from my wife. I go to CT to set up our camper when it gets too hot for me here in GA and she stays here. A month or so later she'll come up and join me. Several months later, when it starts getting too cold for her, she'll go back home to GA. Usually in another five or six weeks I'll winterize the camper and come home myself. We speak almost daily, but never worry about what the other is doing.

If you have to check your partner's emails, check their phones, spy on them - they're not your partner.

My wife and I both use a password keeper, it stores passwords to our accounts, in encrypted form. We exchange our files every couple of months to make sure that each of us has access to anything/everything, just in case.
 

namedpipes

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No word from OP since he said he'd confront her.

Any domestic disturbance calls in his town last night?
 
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jpk

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I'm just going to drop this link right here......


As if the PPH wasnt already an automatic disqualifier.......
 
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