Wife's emotional affair?

Asaltweapon

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What’s wrong with straight out asking for the password? Matter of fact straight out ask to see her phone. If she denies you that is your answer.
Trust is a terrible thing to lose. I don’t think it ever fully returns. I’ve never cheated on my wife and never would. Same goes for her.
Your work habits need to change no matter what IMO.
Good luck.
 

edmxz2002

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One thing to consider is to come up with a plan in case she doesn't deal with being asked about what's going on. Maybe she's looking for a way out. Making you the bad guy will make others show her attention. It sounds like that's what she wants/needs, attention.
 
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brew3x
I have a lot of personal experience in this area and would be willing to talk to you directly. If you want PM me your phone number and I will call you.
Also: survivinginfidelity.com is a great web site
Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass
After The Affair by Janis Spring
Private Lies by Frank Pittman are all great books
Do not panic. Do not make any major decisions right now. Gather information. Educate your self. It will be important for you to get enough rest and proper diet.
You are in for a ride but you can make it out the other side!
You will be in my prayers.
 

citoriguy

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Don’t “stay in it just for the kids” if you have them. Kids are smart and they can sense tension. Be the best parent you can be for them, even if that means not being under the same roof.

I was in a similar situation, but fortunately didn’t have kids with my ex-wife. If there are no kids involved, you already missed the exit.
 

SHOCKNAWE

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Damn I hate to be blunt but if your woman cheated before and your gut tells you that your not trusting her then you never will be able to going forward. If you can get over the emotional part of it and carry on then best of luck to you but if it was me I’d be out as soon as I found out that she cheated. If you have to stay for whatever reason I suggest taking a ride down to Rhode Island and hitting a brothel to get even, I really would. That might help you get over it. I know I sound like an a**h*** but it’s an open forum and your asking for opinions so there is mine. Hate it or not I do wish you the best of luck, I really do.
 
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sadly, it takes years to build up trust but minutes to tear it all down..

If you have to sneak to check up on her, it won't end well. Talk FTF and tell her that she broke your trust and to get it back she'll have to work to build it back up. Part of that is proving to you that you can trust her. Ask to see her phone, etc, as part of building that trust. I'd expect some pushback, but it's part of the healing process.

And get counseling.. hopefully you can work thru the issues. And you're not alone. Every marriage has issues. Two imperfect people trying to be perfect for each other.
 
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namedpipes

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Well there's the usual sanity checks you can do. If she locks her phone and you don't know the password, that's a bad sign. You can check browser histories and such, although they are easy to clear. Look for other suspicious behavior, like an unusual interest in overtime for a job that maybe doesn't really require any overtime or can be done from home.
But that's just good OPSEC. I don't leave ANYTHING unlocked. There are no skanks in the wings, ok, maybe a little porn and some reddit on/off pics, but nothing that would violate our trust. (she knew I was a pig before we even married)
 

new guy

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I so recently discovered my wife having an emotional affair just before it got physical.
The fact that you caught her (and supposedly just before it got physical) - she didn’t catch herself - casts a whole lot of doubt on the whole situation.
 

new guy

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I’d rather snoop and know than continue to get burned by her while suffering mentally the entire time. She hasn’t earned any trust from the sound of it, as evidenced by the existence of this thread.
 

mibro

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My boss gave me some advice I feel was good, his wife cheated many times. He said "the only way to get over it was to trust her and let your gut decide, every time you bring it up or ask you immediately go back to ground zero, if there is something going on eventually she will slip up, let your gut tell you."
Ignore the problem and it will go away until next time? That comes purely from fear and incredibly low self-esteem.

Your boss gave you unbelievably terrible advice. Do you want to spend your one life on Earth like your boss paying the skank's living expenses while she bangs a series of other men in your house? Go dig up an earthworm and shake hands because you're now brothers.

The only reason to even consider putting up with that kind of abuse is because you love your kids and are hog-tied by the legal system and the incredible advantages it gives to women.

Women who choose to behave like this believe in nothing but their tingles and naked power. They treat you like this because they already despise you and your lack of power.

If you're fortunate not to have kids, divorce her and never look back.

If you do have kids you have to do the exact opposite of what most people will tell you to do. Don't bring her flowers or be extra nice to her, do the opposite. Don't beg, don't supplicate, exercise as much masculine power as you can find within your marriage in any way you can think of.

Stay out late, don't tell her where you've been. Ignore her, find as many ways as you can to do your own thing. It'll be hard but be a man and treat her like sh!t. :) This is your only way to repair your relationship.

Also, there is a ton of great advice out there on the net, go find it.
 
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mibro

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Women are strange, wonderful and emotionally intelligent, neglect them you will pay a price.

Neglect a dog and they get neurotic, neglect a woman....

Eff spying on her, either fix what's wrong/missing in the relationship or bail
No offense but it's all about respect. Women are like hood-rats, they gotta respect you or they'll treat you like crap. There are a million ways to lose a woman's respect, starting with being a supplicating wimp.
 

hillman

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Hang in there. YOU will get through this no matter which way it goes.

Do you know who the dirtbag is? That may open up some options, but try to keep the moral high ground for now.
 

Roland Deschain

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I'm in the: 'Alpha Male the f*** up' camp. You can be respectful and manly and do what the f*** you want. She's stepped out on ya... and I think an emotional affair is way more serious than her banging some bro.

If you have kids, I can understand trying to work it out, but it's still a bad move. She has zero respect for you.
 

Varmint

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Hey,

I so recently discovered my wife having an emotional affair just before it got physical. We both agreed to stay in the marriage and try to work things out. Everything seems to be going good but I still have doubts weather or not she is still talking to this guy. She promised she would not see or talk to him. Im looking for the best way to find proof if it's truly over without outright asking her. I don't know her iPad/ phone passcode and she holds the login in info to our phone account. Any suggestions appreciated other than just f---Ing leave her.
Thanks
B
Do you know for sure it was going to get physical or are you just assuming? There's a big difference imo between mentally straying and physically.
 

Varmint

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if she has already checked in with another guy emotionally or otherwise she is already gone.

The types of problems you are talking about is something they would normally bitch to their girlfriends about.

She sought another guy instead.

Not sure what is left to save at this point.

I'm older and a little more impatient though...but if I were in that situation the next time she got a communication from me would be through my lawyer.
Depends if she's flirting and mentally fantasizing or if she's in love with someone else. The first is pretty natural, the second is bad news.
 
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I suspected an ex girlfriend from years ago had a thing going with a dude. I approached him and asked him flat out. He said yeah. I wasn’t a dick or a tough guy, just asked him to put himself in my shoes.
Alright, how common do you think that is though?

We're guys, big dumb monkeys with hammers and a desire to use them.
 

mibro

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Hang in there. YOU will get through this no matter which way it goes.

Do you know who the dirtbag is? That may open up some options, but try to keep the moral high ground for now.
Dirtbag? He's just some dude trying to get a little action. The offender here is cupcake, not her orbiter.
 
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Not recommending this or saying its a good idea, but if you want to find out if she's still talking to him, go confront the guy without her knowing and you'll know right quick. Not from what he says, but from how she reacts toward you when she finds out from him.

No need to threaten him, just ask him questions like what the f*** he's thinking trying to get close to your wife and what the f*** exactly he thinks you'd do if he did.

Good luck whatever you do.
 

richc

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A buddy tried this approach. Fella dropped a dime to the PD and my buddy's guns had to be removed from his home.

He claimed it was a reasonably civil conversation. He knew the guy. And no threats were made.

This guy had a temper. He could be intimidating. So I can't be sure how it went except he had to get friends to take all his guns and ammo ASAP.

People don't play fair in this types of issues. And the guy who owns the guns always loses.

Do you know the other guy? If you so, a conversation with him might let you know if it is still going on.
 
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