Wife's emotional affair?

namedpipes

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Brew, I don't mean to be cruel. I just can't wrap my head around why you started this (and that other) thread.

You really should be talking with friends or family in your actual life, or if that isn't in the cards, with a counselor or something.

Hell, having a few brews at the bar and pouring your heart out to the barkeep would give you more positive reinforcement than you're getting here.

Best of luck to you. IMO, check out of the marriage. Too much damage is done. And TRANSFER the guns through an FFL. Simply storing them with the brother is NOT sufficient to protect them from the inevitable issues you're about to face.
 

TheGreekFreak

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I dunno, I feel NES can be a good place for some solid advice. Our friends are usually like-minded so the perspective may not be that different. For instance, I would have never factored in the bang wife, upper decker, keys on roof option if I didn't turn to NES from time to time.....
 

fencer

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[laugh][laugh][laugh][laugh]
You just called every NESr's wife a slut! Nicely done.. nicely done.
That wasn’t my intent, I would never disrespect anyone’s wife or family member. It’s just a point that I strongly believe in that cheating is always a possibility. I’ve cheated and been cheated on, lucky for me I don’t have any kids nor have I ever allowed my self to be emotionally dependent on a woman or cared enough to let it devestate me, when I got “Cheated” on we both checked out of the relationship without the red tape and officially done the break up thing at that point so it was not a big deal. I definitely admire people that can have long sustained relationships and the work it takes for both parties to keep it that way, I have friends that are happily married but I know one of them have strayed and the other doesn’t have a clue. I’m not saying that’s the norm by any stretch but the potential will always be there. The biggest problem I see is social media, it makes connections so easy without getting drunk and hitting a bar and bumping into a long lost love from years ago. Shit happens, relationships are very tough and can be quirky at times. I enjoy a relationship I just don’t ever “Go all in” with a Woman and leave myself no emotional “Outs”
Point well taken, and spot on. I was just bustin balls and I should not have, I apologize.
Trust me, those of us who have been in long marriages have our moments where we envy people in your position, I think it is human nature to wonder "what if." A few times a year, I stop and think " Damn, if I had never been married and had kids, life would sure be different."
I never cheated on my wife,(public forum and all) and to the best of my knowledge, she has never has, but I suppose your right, there really is no way to know.
I dated a lot before I got married, so didn't feel I had missed out, and we had kids right away. Cheating would have been more than cheating on my wife, it would have been cheating on my kids too, and ruining every ones life.
 

SHOCKNAWE

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Point well taken, and spot on. I was just bustin balls and I should not have, I apologize.
Trust me, those of us who have been in long marriages have our moments where we envy people in your position, I think it is human nature to wonder "what if." A few times a year, I stop and think " Damn, if I had never been married and had kids, life would sure be different."
I never cheated on my wife,(public forum and all) and to the best of my knowledge, she has never has, but I suppose your right, there really is no way to know.
I dated a lot before I got married, so didn't feel I had missed out, and we had kids right away. Cheating would have been more than cheating on my wife, it would have been cheating on my kids too, and ruining every ones life.
No apologies necessary, I didn’t get offended I actually laughed when you posted that I just wanted to be clear I wasn’t making a blanket statement about everyone. And what your saying goes both ways, there are times I wish I settled down with someone and did the family thing but bottom line I don’t trust myself to be faithful, I can’t stop chasing woman for sport. Either way hopefully the OP takes the good advice some of us have given him and not listened to some of the pathetic suggestions in this thread.
 

fencer

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She agreed to full transparency gave her phone and password as well as phone bill. I’m still not sure what to do, Considering staying at parents for a few nights.
So what gets me about this is that you pointed out that neither of you are financially dependent upon the other, and that changes everything.
Maybe, just maybe.. she knows she f***ed up, is truly sorry, and wants to stay married?
The reason I say that is, if she wanted out, when you asked for all the passwords etc., she could very easily have said, "no way, pack your shit." She didn't. I mean, you gave her the perfect opportunity to just call it quits and walk away.

Only you can decide buddy. But, if she is "the one" and you can't imagine yourself not with her 5 years from now, you fight for her. Conversely, if you don't see a future with her, you walk away, for both of your sake. But what you shouldn't do is torture yourself for years to come every time you leave the house.

What we also don't know is if you feel she may have been justified in any way because you were not paying attention to her or took her for granted. I love my wife, but who is kidding who? I told her long ago, if she doesn't play games with me, and withhold affection, I won't seek affection elsewhere. (bang her hot sister or friend). I told her men are like dogs. You love them and take care of them and they are loyal. You starve them and you shouldn't be surprised if they are digging through the neighbors trash.
 

fencer

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And what your saying goes both ways, there are times I wish I settled down with someone and did the family thing but bottom line I don’t trust myself to be faithful, I can’t stop chasing woman for sport.
That is some impressive self awareness. Most of us lie to ourselves and convince ourselves we can settle down.
 

Spanz

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let me just drop this here: Have a couple who are good friends, were married for 43 years. He gets horny, starts thinking she was disrespecting him, got some bad advice from a couple of his friends, went for counseling and the clown convinced him he NEEDED to divorce her. Out of the blue he leaves, she is shocked and devastated. Moves to vermont, shacks up with some honey he had been texting with. Does the entire sex revival thing...but then quickly finds out his new honey has "issues". about 6 months in, he had moved out of her place and had his own appartment. about 12 months in, he returns home to his original wife, and they start living together. Now about 24 months into it all, they announce they are getting remarried.

Go figure!
Sometimes "counseling" can screw you up worse. If he had shopped around, and found a counselor who just suggested he buy a porsche and go on a 4 week road trip to see America, he would have been MUCH better off!
 
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I'm coming around to the fact that I don't want a wife that I need to check her phone, iPad, credit card, car gps I don't want use VAR's I don't want to ask for a polygraph. Full transparency what is that? Delete text messages, get a burner, call this looser from your work phone, get a pre paid credit card. People told me to write a no contact letter to this creep, ya right send the letter then call him from your burner 5 minutes later an say don't worry my husband is a chump.
Just because you can check doesn't mean you have to. That's your choice.
Seems to me you've made up your mind that rebuilding trust with your wife is too hard and you just want out. Good luck, now, and in your future relationship(s).
Over and out.
 

MarlboroughMan

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Just because you can check doesn't mean you have to. That's your choice.
Seems to me you've made up your mind that rebuilding trust with your wife is too hard and you just want out. Good luck, now, and in your future relationship(s).
Over and out.
Nail on the head. My wife and I have each others passwords for convenience in case, for example, she wants me to check a text from her if she's in the other room (etc.) and we have find a friend (like I think it was Fencer who mentioned pages ago) because sometimes it's convenient and it's also a safety thing as far as I'm concerned. But snooping on the phone to make sure she's staying in line doesn't enter my mind. Either trust her and give it a real shot (with the help of a counselor who MIGHT be able to help you build trust again) or get out. Again for me it mostly comes back to kids. If you have any and they're young I wouldn't be too quick to throw in the towel. If you don't have kids just cut your losses and move on (since that's what it seems you want to do anyway).
 

Boris

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ugh, OP, for f***s sake, this is another "what kind of gun I need to get next" type of thread with little info to go on. This is like data mining on bad set of data, garbage in, garbage out.

Here are some key questions, and yes, I've looked through the most of the thread:
1. How old are you?
2. How long have you been together?
3. Do you have kids together?
4. WTF is "emotional affair"? .... sorry, I grew up in the age of rotary phones, we couldn't send nudes that way.

I realize that this is probably an emotional issue and men have feelings too. Whatever you invested into relationship is a "sunk cost", you won't get it back, but you can leverage it to go forward in the correct path.

Good women are also hard to come by, solid partners who'll have your back and whatever romantic shit. You need to figure out if she is worth it to you. No one, not even collective braintrust of NES can do it for you. And you need to keep your emotions in check.

Dicks are dime a dozen, solid providers are hard to come buy. It sounds like you supported your partner through some hairy shit, not even AOC would dump you easily.

You need to check if you are not over-reacting, again, wtf is "emotional affair"? Everyone has the "line" that should not be crossed, that line will change through our lives. Is it pleasuring yourself while reading "50 Shades of Gay" or cyber sexting, I don't know, but certainly I'd not flip out over a flirt when there are more important things in life. On the other hand, if you can't trust your partner to have your back, you are better off alone.


With all that said, have trust in the Lord, pray for guidance, be righteous and be the man you want to be. At least you'll have no regrets.
 

moojpg2

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If a girl is going to cheat, she's gonna cheat, nothing you can do about it. Women are ruled by emotion. Be a man use your head to figure this shit out. You don't have to "feel" everything.
 

Dennis in MA

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let me just drop this here: Have a couple who are good friends, were married for 43 years. He gets horny, starts thinking she was disrespecting him, got some bad advice from a couple of his friends, went for counseling and the clown convinced him he NEEDED to divorce her. Out of the blue he leaves, she is shocked and devastated. Moves to vermont, shacks up with some honey he had been texting with. Does the entire sex revival thing...but then quickly finds out his new honey has "issues". about 6 months in, he had moved out of her place and had his own appartment. about 12 months in, he returns home to his original wife, and they start living together. Now about 24 months into it all, they announce they are getting remarried.

Go figure!
Sometimes "counseling" can screw you up worse. If he had shopped around, and found a counselor who just suggested he buy a porsche and go on a 4 week road trip to see America, he would have been MUCH better off!

I'm an awful forgiving person, but FUDGE THAT. If I were her, I'd have his Johnson stuffed and mounted on the dining room wall before he could come back.

I watched a guy do that (only after about 8-10 yrs of marriage - and this was 20 years ago when internet chatting and dating and running-away was in it's infancy.) and was totally shocked. Not once did it work out, that I've seen, the way the bailer thinks. Not once. It ends up they have this third s-wordy scenario they never thought of and THAT'S where they end up. Not in the existing relationship. NEVER in the Shangri-La of the new relationship.
 

new guy

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I read "emotional relationship" as meaning a semi-deep, maybe romantic, maybe flirty, but largely conversational relationship, as distinguished from the obvious opposite, the good old fashioned "physical relationship." The cynic in me guesses that the Mrs. got caught, but she didn't get caught in flagrante, so this "emotional relationship" stuff is the attempt to explain it away.
 
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I read "emotional relationship" as meaning a semi-deep, maybe romantic, maybe flirty, but largely conversational relationship, as distinguished from the obvious opposite, the good old fashioned "physical relationship." The cynic in me guesses that the Mrs. got caught, but she didn't get caught in flagrante, so this "emotional relationship" stuff is the attempt to explain it away.
Kinda like you can't describe it but you know it when you see it?
As depressing as this thread is it just keeps sucking me back in every time I log on!
 
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