Wife's emotional affair?

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Hey,

I so recently discovered my wife having an emotional affair just before it got physical. We both agreed to stay in the marriage and try to work things out. Everything seems to be going good but I still have doubts weather or not she is still talking to this guy. She promised she would not see or talk to him. Im looking for the best way to find proof if it's truly over without outright asking her. I don't know her iPad/ phone passcode and she holds the login in info to our phone account. Any suggestions appreciated other than just f---Ing leave her.
Thanks
B
 

nastynatural

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If you have kids, I would definitely try to work things out. The real question here is will YOU be able to trust her going forward? Just my 2%. Good luck. I hope things work out for you.
 
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Yes, couple's counseling.

And, here's a tip... if you have to seriously wonder if she's still secretly communicating with some guy, she is.
It's not really a wonder I think it's more of an anxiety issue, I work a lot and worry she could be continuing and I would never know.
 

Prepper

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It's not really a wonder I think it's more of an anxiety issue, I work a lot and worry she could be continuing and I would never know.
Well there's the usual sanity checks you can do. If she locks her phone and you don't know the password, that's a bad sign. You can check browser histories and such, although they are easy to clear. Look for other suspicious behavior, like an unusual interest in overtime for a job that maybe doesn't really require any overtime or can be done from home.
 
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Well there's the usual sanity checks you can do. If she locks her phone and you don't know the password, that's a bad sign. You can check browser histories and such, although they are easy to clear. Look for other suspicious behavior, like an unusual interest in overtime for a job that maybe doesn't really require any overtime or can be done from home.
She doesn't need to modify behavior the fact that I work so mush makes effortless to do whatever
 

Picton

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She doesn't need to modify behavior the fact that I work so mush makes effortless to do whatever
Okay.

Well, if you working too much pushed her into an emotional affair, and you working too much is preventing you from fixing it, then if you want to change this dynamic you need to work less.

Sorry. But that's the way I see it.
 

one-eyed Jack

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Okay.

Well, if you working too much pushed her into an emotional affair, and you working too much is preventing you from fixing it, then if you want to change this dynamic you need to work less.

Sorry. But that's the way I see it.
Now that makes sense to me. A good relationship requires lots of time spent together. Jack.
 
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Now that makes sense to me. A good relationship requires lots of time spent together. Jack.
Okay.

Well, if you working too much pushed her into an emotional affair, and you working too much is preventing you from fixing it, then if you want to change this dynamic you need to work less.

Sorry. But that's the way I see it.
I asked her and she said it didn't push her into this only easier to do., but you could be right
 

Prepper

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It's the right thumb only need numbers occasionally
Does she write down passwords anywhere? I keep mine in an encrypted app with a password. Is this an iPhone that automatically backs up to cloud? Do you know the Apple ID if you don't know the phone password? Then, you can see what was backed up.
 
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Spying on your wife isn't going to help your marriage.
My boss gave me some advice I feel was good, his wife cheated many times. He said "the only way to get over it was to trust her and let your gut decide, every time you bring it up or ask you immediately go back to ground zero, if there is something going on eventually she will slip up, let your gut tell you."
 
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My boss gave me some advice I feel was good, his wife cheated many times. He said "the only way to get over it was to trust her and let your gut decide, every time you bring it up or ask you immediately go back to ground zero, if there is something going on eventually she will slip up, let your gut tell you."
Pretty much this^^^

You can’t change anyone else’s behavior.

Be a good person, let her make her choices and go from there.
 

Spanz

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There is a better forum to teach you how to do the evidence gathering:
Talkaboutmarriage.com
Findbtheir “standard evidence thread” there

Do NOT tell her you are snooping. Gather evidence cladestinely. If you are in a state where it is legal to do so, tape a voice activated recorder under her car seat. Also one or two in the house where she might be talling

There is an app, Dr. Phone i think that they recommend to recover texts

There are keylogger apps forbher computer

She should be willing to give youball her passwords, so if she refuses, be suspicious


She may get a cheap burner phone that you do not know about

You can stick a gps tracker to her car, and notice if she is going somewhere odd for lunchtime
 
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I believe that you asking a forum of anonymous people is a sign you already know what to do. Do not minimize this. Emotional loyalty is more important than physical loyalty. If your partner cant be loyal emotionally, then she doesn't have your back. Never will. And the fact that you question this is all the proof you need. Whether she does this again or not doesnt matter, you now know she is capable and will always be a level of doubt.

I'm not an expert in your situation. But I've been through it. If you do not have kids, it is time to move on for your own sanity and self worth.
 

wahsben

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There have been some good suggestions. I don't have any advice but good luck and I hope that everything works out okay for you.
 
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Yes, couple's counseling.

And, here's a tip... if you have to seriously wonder if she's still secretly communicating with some guy, she is.
Or, hot take, he's upset and doesn't trust her, doesn't mean she still is.


Yo OP, there's a ton of tools you can use to snoop. But.

You shouldn't do it. First, if you decide to stay together, you're crossing one big f***ing Rubicon with regards to trust. Yes, she violated a trust and agreement you two had, but putting her under police state style surveillance is not the answer. Second, it's about self care dude, if you let distrust and a need to watch her every move consume you, that isn't healthy for you, and it's pretty abusive towards her.

Either let it go, or move on. Divorces aren't the end of the world.
 
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if she has already checked in with another guy emotionally or otherwise she is already gone.

The types of problems you are talking about is something they would normally bitch to their girlfriends about.

She sought another guy instead.

Not sure what is left to save at this point.

I'm older and a little more impatient though...but if I were in that situation the next time she got a communication from me would be through my lawyer.
 
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