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Wife won't let guns in the house
- Thread starter Sibb
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If you belong to a Gun Club perhaps they would let you store guns in the club safe if there is such a thing... Just a thought.
Everyone is saying this, but I've never heard of a club that will do this.
Here here! +2
not new guy
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While I was waiting for my LTC to come through, I had my dad transport a few shotguns to my club so I could show up and shoot trap/skeet on the weekends. Kept them locked up in the clubhouse. Some clubs will allow storage, perhaps not of entire collections.
Who is to blame for stolen property in this case? That's a big deterring factor I'm sure.
Wow, am I ever lucky. My wife spent two years in the Army reserves and ten years in the Navy. Whenever I talk about getting a new gun she gets more excited about it then I do and says lets go! She even bought me A Springfield XDM40 for my birthday and when we saw a SR9C at the last gun show she bought it when I wasn't looking.
not new guy
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Eh. I'm not talking about giving anything up at this point. Pandora's box has been opened. And if we're talking about hypothetically giving up rights, I don't equate surrendering them to my wife to surrendering them to the government.
My situation is slightly different in that I met my wife when we were 17 and over the past 15+ years we've made a million compromises and have more or less chosen our positions on a million different things. She had ALWAYS made it clear that she didn't like guns and that she wouldn't have them in her house, whereas I honestly didn't feel at all strongly about them until just a couple of years ago. So I started from a handicapped bargaining position, yet ended up "winning" in the end, if you can call my situation a victory.
![[smile]](/xen/styles/default/xenforo/smilies.vb/001.gif "Smile [smile]")
And in her defense, when I first did tell her I wanted to get my LTC she said she was OK with it but wanted me to understand that she would not be OK with them in the house. Her "compromise" was agreeing that I could buy guns and keep them offsite. She has since compromised-away her entire position, and we're left with a situation where I can buy whatever I want as long as each expenditure by me on a gun is met with a similarly priced "gun present" for her. Crazy, but it works.
![[laugh]](/xen/styles/default/xenforo/smilies.vb/012.gif "Laugh [laugh]")
And I don't think compromises aren't always limited to a single issue. You can give on one thing and get your SO to compromise on something entirely different. I guess that makes it closer to bargaining than compromising though.
She's not whipping me. We have a relationship where we whip ourselves so as to save the other the trouble and to avoid blowouts. Strange, but it too works, for us at least.
And I think that for all her objections and crying and everything else she is a keeper because she saw that I did feel strongly about it and she yielded. We're at the point now where I bring a nice condition HK home and I can show it to her and she'll check it out and let me show her the difference between DA and SA, and she'll say "that looks like it's in much better shape than your old glock." Baby steps.
She would have never left over having a gun in the house. That hypothetical was presented for argument's sake.
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not new guy
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Sorry, Doc. I was just re-reading the conversation and you rightly took what amounted to a hypothetical situation (my own wife refusing guns in the house - not the case) and continued addressing it hypothetically. My last post responded as if you had been talking about the reality of my situation.
That said I think that, for the most part, you're right. Her saying no is not a compromise, and if someone is entering a relationship as a gun owner or gun enthusiast and the other person puts their foot down and wins it sets a really bad precedent for the rest of the relationship. That is assuming that the gun owner feels strongly enough about their guns and conveys as much to the other to no avail. If the guns aren't important and she knows it, however, it's a different story.
That said I think that, for the most part, you're right. Her saying no is not a compromise, and if someone is entering a relationship as a gun owner or gun enthusiast and the other person puts their foot down and wins it sets a really bad precedent for the rest of the relationship. That is assuming that the gun owner feels strongly enough about their guns and conveys as much to the other to no avail. If the guns aren't important and she knows it, however, it's a different story.
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Right. But, her telling you not to bring guns in or GTFO is the same exact thing. Only she is acting on an irrational fear and you are not. So, you know who I will side with every time. Think about it.
I realize it is different... that said....
What would she say if you had told her that a "no guns" edict would mean that in turn, she
would have to forfeit one of her rights?
My situation is slightly different in that I met my wife when we were 17 and over the past 15+ years we've made a million compromises and have more or less chosen our positions on a million different things. She had ALWAYS made it clear that she didn't like guns and that she wouldn't have them in her house, whereas I honestly didn't feel at all strongly about them until just a couple of years ago. So I started from a handicapped bargaining position, yet ended up "winning" in the end, if you can call my situation a victory.
And in her defense, when I first did tell her I wanted to get my LTC she said she was OK with it but wanted me to understand that she would not be OK with them in the house. Her "compromise" was agreeing that I could buy guns and keep them offsite. She has since compromised-away her entire position, and we're left with a situation where I can buy whatever I want as long as each expenditure by me on a gun is met with a similarly priced "gun present" for her. Crazy, but it works.
Sounds like you just traded standard terrorism for economic terrorism.
Ironically though you have it a lot better than most- there are guys around here that basically
have to beg for permission every time they buy something. At least you have your whipping
protocol established already, and there is no uncertainty.
So, hypothetically what would you have "gotten" for not having guns in the house?
Not sure what you mean by this, but if it works for you... it works for you. Having to play a political shell game over every issue in my life with the person I'm sleeping next to would drive me batshit insane. Normal relationships have enough of that crap as it is, never mind doing it for nearly
everything.
It's not a good hypothetical because there is a world of difference between women who simply
don't like guns and one who would leave you over it. The former is irrational and the latter
is mind numblingly psychotic. Irrational is a problem you can address, psychotic, not so much.
-Mike
I agree with most of the compromise discussion, "manning up" is not always an option in a long-term relationship build on respect and trust.
Another option not mentioned is appeal to their common sense, assuming that applies. Most of the women I've been in long-term relationships with dislike the cost in time and money associated with your hobbies.
Find a range, likely to not be close (MFL?), that rents guns and makes you shoot their ($$$) ammo. You'll have to leave early, wait in line, pay to rent, pay extra money to shoot and it'll take up the day. Be sure to point out how expensive it is in terms of time and money, but express how much you really enjoy it but you accept paying extra to enjoy your hobby to keep the peace.
"Do some research" on how much money you could save by not always having to rent, using bulk ammo bought at a discount and shooting at the range up the street. Lay it out in a logical cost/benefit kind of way, it may actually work. Once you've got one in the door, roll in the safe.
Another option not mentioned is appeal to their common sense, assuming that applies. Most of the women I've been in long-term relationships with dislike the cost in time and money associated with your hobbies.
Find a range, likely to not be close (MFL?), that rents guns and makes you shoot their ($$$) ammo. You'll have to leave early, wait in line, pay to rent, pay extra money to shoot and it'll take up the day. Be sure to point out how expensive it is in terms of time and money, but express how much you really enjoy it but you accept paying extra to enjoy your hobby to keep the peace.
"Do some research" on how much money you could save by not always having to rent, using bulk ammo bought at a discount and shooting at the range up the street. Lay it out in a logical cost/benefit kind of way, it may actually work. Once you've got one in the door, roll in the safe.
not new guy
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I think she'd be OK with it. She's "Even Steven" all day long, probably as a result of our own little barter economy we've built up over the years.
Ironically though you have it a lot better than most- there are guys around here that basically
have to beg for permission every time they buy something. At least you have your whipping
protocol established already, and there is no uncertainty.
So, hypothetically what would you have "gotten" for not having guns in the house?
Ours is a comfortably predictable existence.If she said no to guns in the house I'd hypothetically (getting sick of typing that...) have negotiated for some other hobby. Maybe a motorcycle or something.
That's exactly what it is for us - a political shell game perfected over the years to the point where we jump straight from the "why" to the negotiation itself.
not new guy
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Try the "common sense" approach with somebody who says that she doesn't like things like snakes/spiders "looking at" her regardless of whether or not they're capable of attacking her.
JackDaniels,
I can't argue there, a wife giving a "no guns" ultimatum is just as bad and shows a lack of respect as well.
Ultimately, marriages are about compromise. The reason why 50% of them end in divorce is because people have forgotten that fact.
I can't argue there, a wife giving a "no guns" ultimatum is just as bad and shows a lack of respect as well.
Ultimately, marriages are about compromise. The reason why 50% of them end in divorce is because people have forgotten that fact.
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F
Finalygotabeltfed
"Wife won't let guns in the house"
Just one of the many things WRONG in America today........more so, the so called MAN who accepts and abides by such a dictate from his wife.
Just one of the many things WRONG in America today........more so, the so called MAN who accepts and abides by such a dictate from his wife.
Why are you "negotiating" over something YOU want to do? If it isn't affecting the financial stability of the family it's none of her business. I guess I should feel lucky to have a significant other who feels no need to impose her will on what activities I want to do, and how I spend my money. As long as the bills are paid of course.
F
Finalygotabeltfed
It is prcaticed, but not the smartest place, nor possible in some banks.
Titan
Banned
I'm not Dr. Phil, so I'll spare you the relationsip advice. You've already gotten a lot, and if you're an adult, in an adult relationship, and don't know how to handle it, you're screwed on many other levels.
As for the original question about storage, the only real options are 1) Renting and 2) Buying and storing with a friend.
Renting works and allows you to try a lot of different guns, over time and ease into the whole thing.
Since you're considering offsite storage, I assume you've already 'written off' protection of life and family and home defense, from your priorities. You're basically left with sport shooting in various forms.
If you go with off-site storage, that may or may not mean concealing the purchases and your back to your relationship management skills.
As off-site storage goes, it adds other issues. Your access will be implicitly limited to when the friend is at home and can give you access to your property. There's an issue of risk in terms of theft or damage....can you get insurance for your property in someone else's house? Would any insurance they had cover loss of your firearms (probably not, based on covered value basis at a minimum).
Bottom line....the guy should RENT until he is sure of what he's doing, comfortable with his reasoning, and has mastered the relationship problems.
Only the guy himself can decide whether it evolves nicely or ends up as a 'line in the sand' scenario.
As for the original question about storage, the only real options are 1) Renting and 2) Buying and storing with a friend.
Renting works and allows you to try a lot of different guns, over time and ease into the whole thing.
Since you're considering offsite storage, I assume you've already 'written off' protection of life and family and home defense, from your priorities. You're basically left with sport shooting in various forms.
If you go with off-site storage, that may or may not mean concealing the purchases and your back to your relationship management skills.
As off-site storage goes, it adds other issues. Your access will be implicitly limited to when the friend is at home and can give you access to your property. There's an issue of risk in terms of theft or damage....can you get insurance for your property in someone else's house? Would any insurance they had cover loss of your firearms (probably not, based on covered value basis at a minimum).
Bottom line....the guy should RENT until he is sure of what he's doing, comfortable with his reasoning, and has mastered the relationship problems.
Only the guy himself can decide whether it evolves nicely or ends up as a 'line in the sand' scenario.
Bill Nance
Banned
I categorically disagree with you.
"I won't let you have one in the house" is the statement of someone who is both irrationally terrified of an inanimate object and convinced of their "right" to tell their spouse what they can and cannot do. If you like having people like that in your life, I feel sorry for you.
Seriously, I've been married for eight years now and those eight years have been wonderful. But the "You can't" stuff no matter WHAT the subject, doesn't fly with me for two seconds. I wouldn't pull that crap on my wife and I wouldn't put up with her pulling it on me. As a courtesy we discuss it anytime we're going to spend more than a couple hundred bucks. That's a courtesy and the wisdom of a second person to get in the way of a later-regretted impulse buy, not permission.
If your wife draws a line in the sand like that she'd better have one HELL of a good reason or it's seriously time to re-evaluate your marriage. If her mother/sister etc. was killed by a thug with a gun, well, I don't agree and would try to work on her, but at least it's an understandable aversion. If it's a simple "I'm afraid," and she's willing to make it that big a deal, then you have yourself one seriously damaged person and I don't know why the Hell you would even want to be with them.
Men and women who put up with being told what they can and cannot do by a spouse have very little sympathy coming from me. If it's important enough to you to risk the huge argument in the first place, then your spouse should be a big enough person to admit they don't get the attraction and then get out of the way and let you do what you want.
This isn't even about guns per se, it's about respect for your spouse and their desires and interests. Any spouse who lays down that kind of prohibition is a warped individual. No person who had any self respect or had any respect at all for their spouse would pull that crap. You tell them you don't like it and don't want to hear about it, but you don't demand they don't do it. It's a marriage not a bonded service contract. Any spouse who does not grasp this is a walking divorce waiting for a trigger anyway.
/end rant.
Titan
Banned
Probably true if you're going to follow the guidelines, but otherwise a person should have complete privacy putting things in, or taking things out of their box.
Who would know or care?
F
Finalygotabeltfed
Usually, the benefits don't outweigh the risks/aggrivations, thats why most people don't do it. Personally, I'd sooner bury it in my own backyard than put it under someone else's lock and key.
I sort of know the feeling. Long story short I am married to a hippie. My wife and I have been together for close to 15 years and though she is not keen on guns, she does get it. When I had met her she had never even seen a real gun before. She came to bring me lunch one day and I was conducting a pre-deployment inventory of my arms room. Nearly 200 weapon systems all laid out. Her eyes went wide as she could not believe how many guns we had.
Now mind you I don't have a huge collection of guns. I have 3 AR platforms and my Glock. Though I have a pretty big assortment of gun parts for them, tactical gear and a few thousand rounds on hand at any given time. About 6 months ago I broke down and bought a gun safe and most of it resides in there.
She still hates when I carry and asks why and if I think I will need it for the mall. My usual response is that if i knew when I would or wouldn't need it that would be a lot simpler but it just doesn't work that way. She thinks the world can be fixed with recycling, flowers and a hug. My version is more like the double tap rule from Zombieland.
People naturally fear what they either don't understand or are told by the media and politicians. Hence the whole AWB that happened under Clinton which did less than zero to stop crime. If people want to live in a bubble like sheep then they will be preyed upon like sheep. I keep my Glock for protection while away from the home on me whether she likes it or not. At home it resides in a place I can get to but the primary becomes the AR and it stays loaded and ready to roll if needed. She didn't even notice it was in the bedroom due to it simply standing in the corner with a jacket over it.
If my wife ever said it's the guns or me i would wave goodbye. I love my wife but I will not give up my rights over a simple hang up like 'guns are evil'.
Now mind you I don't have a huge collection of guns. I have 3 AR platforms and my Glock. Though I have a pretty big assortment of gun parts for them, tactical gear and a few thousand rounds on hand at any given time. About 6 months ago I broke down and bought a gun safe and most of it resides in there.
She still hates when I carry and asks why and if I think I will need it for the mall. My usual response is that if i knew when I would or wouldn't need it that would be a lot simpler but it just doesn't work that way. She thinks the world can be fixed with recycling, flowers and a hug. My version is more like the double tap rule from Zombieland.
People naturally fear what they either don't understand or are told by the media and politicians. Hence the whole AWB that happened under Clinton which did less than zero to stop crime. If people want to live in a bubble like sheep then they will be preyed upon like sheep. I keep my Glock for protection while away from the home on me whether she likes it or not. At home it resides in a place I can get to but the primary becomes the AR and it stays loaded and ready to roll if needed. She didn't even notice it was in the bedroom due to it simply standing in the corner with a jacket over it.
If my wife ever said it's the guns or me i would wave goodbye. I love my wife but I will not give up my rights over a simple hang up like 'guns are evil'.
I thought with a safe deposit box, YOU have the key. Sure, you are limited to daytime business (bankers!) hours, but you also don't have to worry about them being away on vacation or whatever. It sure makes sense as one option. It is also very secure.
No reason you can't have both!
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I can see reasons for wanting to do it, but for what the OP is asking, it's too inconvenient. You can't get rifles in one of those boxes, either. A trusted friend who is a gun owner is a much better option.
-Mike
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