Why all the fuss about wives/girlfriends not liking guns?

[MassMark]

I see your point but she most certainly wouldn't.

As funny as that is, it speaks to the core issue. When we have to sacrifice our core values to advance the cause of another, then we really are lost. If you can conceive of sacrificing your God-given right as a free man and give up your firearms for the sake of love, then you would most likely have to question how deep that right runs in your veins. Likewise - anyone who would think to impose that you sacrifice something which is an attachment to your personal liberty, likely does not embrace you as a whole anyway....Man up, inform her of the principles by which you live your life and insist she accept and honor it. Do this before you move here here across the pond, make sacrifices that you know deep down you're not willing to make and live to resent her, (which you likely will)....

 

[william_munny]

The only solution is to find a girl who can deal, or can be converted. Mine was neutral and curious at first, and now she's a shooter. My last one was scared of unloaded hand guns. Didn't work out so well.

 

[45collector]

I sincerely hope she wouldn't give me the ultimatum "It's the guns or me."

If she did, well like you said,

Move on.

 

[Supermoto]

make sacrifices that you know deep down you're not willing to make and live to resent her, (which you likely will)....

Yep, you can not ask someone to give up a fundamental belief and not harbor resentment.

 

[drgrant]

This sort of touches on a question I've been asking myself lately. My old flame from Ireland may actually move here in the near future to be with me. She is completely against anybody carrying guns. Understandable because of the culture in her country of course, but I don't feel that I should stop carrying a pistol every day of my life (which I've been doing for almost 10 years) because of her views. I love her very much and would be thrilled to have her move here and get a house together, but I wonder if this would become a big issue between us. She's never known anyone who carries a firearm. Even law enforcement in Ireland do not carry. She'll be here in a month to visit for 10 days and I've already told her that I have no problem going unarmed at least while we're staying on the Cape. I'm kicking myself now for offering that up because why should I even give her an inch? (no jokes please ;0) I plan on taking her up to Salem, MA and maybe to VT to see Burlington and I will be carrying then.

Long story short, I guess my best plan of action is to explain that if she does move here, it will not change my carrying a firearm. So for all you other members who followed my threads about her and told me something along the lines of: "Do whatever it takes to be with her! Life is too short and true love only comes once!", what would you suggest if she refuses to live with a man who carries a gun?

Couple of points.....

-Yes, if she really cares about you, in the grand scheme of things that won't be a big deal, and she'll just deal with it.

-That said, in the long term it's going to be better if you can at least address whatever her fears are trepidation about guns are. You don't even have to make her "like" them, just get her into a mindset where she's not irrationally fearing them. The one upshot is unless she's had some traumatic experience, her fears are mostly going to be rooted from being misinformed or misled. The problem is all most media says is "guns are bad" over and over again, and they remember that message more than anything else, which is what causes most of this problem..... getting her some training/familarization (not even live fire, at first) might be useful... especially if you can find a female instructor to help. (It sounds hokey, but women "deal" with one another way differently than men do, they can often connect on an unexplainable emotional level that men can't, or can't very easily. )

-Mike

 

[william_munny]

I sincerely hope she wouldn't give me the ultimatum "It's the guns or me."

If she did, well like you said,

Move on.

If it's meant to be, she'll come around to it. She doesn't have to like guns, she just has to like you more than she dislikes them. Probably a bad example because it's my mom, but my mom HATES guns. I'll carry a gun in her house, and she might re-affirm her dislike of firearms every now and again, but she doesn't try to change my mind or give me any grief over it and we get along very well. I'm more important to her than her hatred of guns. I hope your situation can work out similarly.

 

[45collector]

By the way when she was here in October I took her to the range and started her off with a Ruger MKIII and she did amazingly well for her first time firing a gun. She doesn't have a problem with owning guns, she just doesn't understand why so many Americans carry them on a daily basis. Believe me I've had this conversation with her many times. Apperently she thinks if we all stopped carrying them, there wouldn't be a threat anymore since we're all unarmed.

 

[RichM]

45, bring her to some shoots where she can see people like Nicole, Yelena, AbbyOakley, Jen, Mrs. WW, Lynne, Mrs. Magnum. etc., etc., etc... When she sees that other women have the same interests as you do, that may open her up to at least an acceptance of your enjoyment of firearms.



As to the OP, my wife and I are PARTNERS. We talked about my obtaining an LTC, and although she was doubtful, she didn't object strenuously. Once I reviewed Mass law and discovered how onerous the law is on the subject of access to firearms and ammunition (a fired shell casing is AMMUNITION!??!), I pointed out to her that I needed her to get her LTC just for an unavoidable circumstance where she might have to bring guns or ammo home (a simple car accident requiring a hospital visit for either me or a passenger, for example). We found Scouter-Rick was holding a class, and we both went together (along with a famous NESr and his SO). She fired a handgun for the first time ever on that day... she now shoots pin & plates occasionally, and she's grown comfortable with my carrying regularly.

She recently started asking "When are we going to buy something for ME? She's now the proud owner of a Kahr PM9, purchased in her name...

We are partners. Every important decision is discussed, if not before it's made. then at least shortly afterward. We each know the major details of our finances and upcoming major expenditures, so we don't exceed our resources. I suspect that we'll be spending a little bit more on ammo now...

 

[LTCRN]

I think they should all just tell their women that they are going to buy guns and keep them in the house, and if they don't like it, they can STFU and get back in the kitchen and make dinner.

And on that note, You better be sure that when I get home, the damn stove is hotter than the television set!

 

[Quinn800x]

I've never told a woman that she could or couldn't do something or have something. Never. Either I can live with something, or I can't. If I can't, I leave.

A woman telling me I can't do or have something is one of the things I can't live with.

Like He said, I don't tell her what she can/can't do she doesn't tell me......everyones happy.

 

[TomH]

Can't you just secure the firearms in accordance with MA storage laws and leave them in ANY friend's house?

You could if you're not a real man. Or you could grow a set and not let any woman tell you what you can and can't do with your money and free time.

I'll admit I've had my own post about my significant other having issues with loaded ARs in the bedroom and what ended up happening is I found a nice cabinet to put them in. The issue turned out to be more that there were rifles up against every wall, and loaded cluttering up the place.

I think they should all just tell their women that they are going to buy guns and keep them in the house, and if they don't like it, they can STFU and get back in the kitchen and make dinner.

 

[HooVooLoo]

Don't forget that you could always research/find any number of "Armed Response"-type articles that go on about the woman at home alone with kids, burglar breaks in, women retrieves hubby's gun and uses it to defend herself and the kids. Have the reluctant spouse read a bunch of those articles and perhaps attitudes towards firearm ownership will change in the household.

 

[TomH]

By the way when she was here in October I took her to the range and started her off with a Ruger MKIII and she did amazingly well for her first time firing a gun. She doesn't have a problem with owning guns, she just doesn't understand why so many Americans carry them on a daily basis. Believe me I've had this conversation with her many times. Apperently she thinks if we all stopped carrying them, there wouldn't be a threat anymore since we're all unarmed.

Show her a few articles on the recent machete murder up here in NH. It's close to home, and very REAL. Show her what that psycho said in "remorse". It isn't the tool, it's the person. Unfortunately my gf still thinks I'm over paranoid locking all the doors and windows, even though that took place maybe 20-30 min away. But I'll do it anyway and hope someday she'll appreciate it.

And btw, I bet there are plenty of guns in Ireland, just not in the best hands.

 

[rwl1955]

By the way when she was here in October I took her to the range and started her off with a Ruger MKIII and she did amazingly well for her first time firing a gun. She doesn't have a problem with owning guns, she just doesn't understand why so many Americans carry them on a daily basis. Believe me I've had this conversation with her many times. Apperently she thinks if we all stopped carrying them, there wouldn't be a threat anymore since we're all unarmed.

Because we can.
Point out to her the London used to be the safest big city in the free world until the govt. banned private ownership of handguns. Now it`s a pretty dangerous place. Much more likely to be assaulted in London than NYC.

 

[rep308]

I had this discussion with my wife when we decided to have kids. I saved my money and bought a nice big safe and that made her happy. Fast forward 20 years to this winter when I said:

me: I need a new safe
her: is your old one broken?
me: no it is full

 

[pernox]

Some men like to relinquish control of their lives to someone else. Likewise, some women do the same. If you've got a constant battle at home over what is and is not a valid purchase, hobby, etc - then unfortunately you found the wrong person. To some of us, the very question of not owning/carrying is offensive. Why one would even consider devaluing their very makeup for the sake of another is something I don't really understand.

That said, there's a difference between being a whipped loser, and having respect for your spouse and household. If I'm out and I tell the wife I'm coming home at ten o'clock, I call or send a message to let her know if I'm going to be late - it's not a permission thing, it's a courtesy thing, and I expect the same if she's out to dinner with her pack of girls. The standard reply on both ends is "Thanks - have fun, see you when you get home."

If I'm going to drop a grand on a gun, I let her know what the scoop is and why it's not something that's going to put us in hock - because she earns half (well, just about ) of our money - and she does the same. Again, it's not "Oh but PLEASE honey?!" - it's "Hey - check this out. Yes, I have it covered without dipping into vacation/home improvement money. And sure, we can shoot it together."

Some people go into a relationship with the best intentions as far as "full disclosure" and their spouse gets the wrong idea, thinking that they're in a state where they need to grant permission... Dude goes with it... And hence you get the P-Bags that need to ask before they buy a crate of ammo.

 

[Roadblock]

One more thing; I refuse to cheat on my (future) wife with guns, lying and sneaking around to cover things up. If that's not a danger sign then I don't know what is. Honesty is key in a relationship.

I could not agree more. This hiding and sneaking does nothing. People should be with someone they can be honest with and that honesty should exist.

 

[center442]

Some men like to relinquish control of their lives to someone else. Likewise, some women do the same. If you've got a constant battle at home over what is and is not a valid purchase, hobby, etc - then unfortunately you found the wrong person. To some of us, the very question of not owning/carrying is offensive. Why one would even consider devaluing their very makeup for the sake of another is something I don't really understand.

That said, there's a difference between being a whipped loser, and having respect for your spouse and household. If I'm out and I tell the wife I'm coming home at ten o'clock, I call or send a message to let her know if I'm going to be late - it's not a permission thing, it's a courtesy thing, and I expect the same if she's out to dinner with her pack of girls. The standard reply on both ends is "Thanks - have fun, see you when you get home."

If I'm going to drop a grand on a gun, I let her know what the scoop is and why it's not something that's going to put us in hock - because she earns half (well, just about ) of our money - and she does the same. Again, it's not "Oh but PLEASE honey?!" - it's "Hey - check this out. Yes, I have it covered without dipping into vacation/home improvement money. And sure, we can shoot it together."

Some people go into a relationship with the best intentions as far as "full disclosure" and their spouse gets the wrong idea, thinking that they're in a state where they need to grant permission... Dude goes with it... And hence you get the P-Bags that need to ask before they buy a crate of ammo.

Agreed. Courtesy and consideration are different than getting permission. There's a big difference between two people reasoning and hashing out a resolution to something and one person dictating to another.

I don't need someone dictating to me; that's why we have a government isn't it?

 

[arlow]

It's the same guys that have to "ask the boss" if they can go outside and play.

Its not the boss!!! Its the warden....

 

[K-DUB]

I don't understand why some people think they can allow or forbid their partner to do/purchase things. I don't think that is part of a good relationship. I can't be involved with a man that doesn't want me to be me, or a man that doesn't have the sack to be himself.

 

[edhead35]

I never tell my wife she cant have something, and she never tells me I can't have something. I buy a $1,000 gun, I buy her a $300 Wii and Wii Fit and that works too!!!

Ill give you an example.. My wife's car is an absolute piece of $hit. I have a 2 year old car I bought new. I want a Harley Davidson. Through the compromise of marriage, I am understanding of her needs and I will get my bike, after she gets a new car. I would never even bring up a new bike before her car, because her car is so bad I dont even like her driving it!

For me, I dont bother to seek approval to spend OUR money on MY toys when we dont have it, if we dont have it, I dont spend it. On the same note, I never seek approval to spend MY money on MY toys, I just do it. Same with her in reverse. Of course if at any time we are in dire straits financially, then we obviously think about every dollar spent together and make hard decisions.

 

[Viking Kitten]

I don't understand why some people think they can allow or forbid their partner to do/purchase things. I don't think that is part of a good relationship. I can't be involved with a man that doesn't want me to be me, or a man that doesn't have the sack to be himself.

So, so true. As one of the other respondents pointed out, there needs to be dialog, communication and understood & accepted consequences to actions that are in conflict with your partner's core values.

And to the responder who asked if a female had ever had difficulty with a boyfriend or husband not liking guns or wanting them in their home, yes, I have had that problem. He was, however, in the minority; most guys are more fascinated than anything else.

 

[Lauria]

My husband wasn't very excited about me having guns, and it took some convincing and education before he got on-board with the idea. He's still not wild about me carrying, but that comes down to the fact that he's an optimist and I'm a pessimist, and he doesn't see a need to carry.

Buying guns is a whole other matter, because finances are tight and we don't have spare cash for anything, let alone the giant list of guns I want to someday own. We've got a system where each month we get a certain amount of money we can spend on "fun" stuff- his goes towards saving for computers, and mine goes towards ammo and saving for guns.

If my husband ever came home and told me he was buying something super expensive, and if I didn't like it I should shut up and get in the kitchen- well, he wouldn't, 'cause he's not an ass and that's not how my marriage works. I really don't understand that mentality, but if that's the pattern of your relationship with your spouse and both parties are happy with it like that, then yay for you. But telling newbies on here to "grow some balls and man up" isn't really that helpful.


The secret of making people okay with guns is EDUCATION. A lot of people grow up thinking of guns as evil objects that can just suddenly go off and kill someone- it is up to YOU to show them otherwise and educate them properly.

 

[wolf223]

here is some free relationship advice

"trust me, it's cool"

-as in flash those pearly whites

 

[Dnotarianni]

Yup Next would be being told to re-elect the president.

 

[YosemiteGram]

Let me say this, my girl went to possibly the most liberal school one can go to...I am talking dreadlocks, hacky sacks, and birkenstocks...6 years ago, she would have thought I was a far right nut! What I did was say, let's take a firearms course together and get educated after we had an attempted break in at 2am on one beautiful morning. We went through the course, had a great time, we are both now educated on firearms and I can't seem to wipe that dumb ass smile off her face when she rips through 10 rounds on our new AK or when she sprays a target rapid fire with our M&P9c...it's all about education and then making a decision from there. You have to be educated and well informed to make an educated and well informed decision...

ps...she carries now every minute of every day....and knows she will never be a victim....

 

[SeanT]

My husband wasn't very excited about me having guns, and it took some convincing and education before he got on-board with the idea. He's still not wild about me carrying, but that comes down to the fact that he's an optimist and I'm a pessimist, and he doesn't see a need to carry.

Buying guns is a whole other matter, because finances are tight and we don't have spare cash for anything, let alone the giant list of guns I want to someday own. We've got a system where each month we get a certain amount of money we can spend on "fun" stuff- his goes towards saving for computers, and mine goes towards ammo and saving for guns.

If my husband ever came home and told me he was buying something super expensive, and if I didn't like it I should shut up and get in the kitchen- well, he wouldn't, 'cause he's not an ass and that's not how my marriage works. I really don't understand that mentality, but if that's the pattern of your relationship with your spouse and both parties are happy with it like that, then yay for you. But telling newbies on here to "grow some balls and man up" isn't really that helpful.


The secret of making people okay with guns is EDUCATION. A lot of people grow up thinking of guns as evil objects that can just suddenly go off and kill someone- it is up to YOU to show them otherwise and educate them properly.

Reps inbound. I agree with pretty much all of your post (except the part about optimists not seeing a reason to carry, some of us are realistic optimists )

I think a huge part of the problem here is money. The economy's in the crapper and a lot of people might have trouble accepting a new hobby that's this expensive (training, licensing, first purchase, ammo, etc). I think education can fix both economic concerns about getting into guns (it's for our protection, not just a new hobby I was thinking of getting into) as well as the moral/scared of guns mentality (they don't go off by themselves).

My wife and I have a similar set up of what Lauria describes, each week we both get money for our hobbies/interests. I don't care what she blows hers on and she does the same with me.

Telling your partner "You can't have a gun" OR "I'm getting a gun no matter what you say" is doing the same behavior (dictating to someone else) just with different words. Maybe it's just me, but there seems to be a communication problem that I still don't think "man up" resolves.

 

[George D]

My wife objected until we went to the liquor store and I whipped it out and demanded all the cash from the register. I said, "See honey, this thing is a money maker!"

Not only did we get spending money for the weekend, but the 30 pack of Nattie Light was free too!

Now she is cool with it.

 

[HooVooLoo]

My wife objected until we went to the liquor store and I whipped it out and demanded all the cash from the register. I said, "See honey, this thing is a money maker!"

Not only did we get spending money for the weekend, but the 30 pack of Nattie Light was free too!

Now she is cool with it.

Oh blah. I would have whooped yer butt for getting Natty LITE! Ick!

 

[Rockrivr1]

My wife and I follow a very simple rule. She makes her money, I make mine. Once we pay off our bills every month, whatever money we have left is up to us to spend as we see fit. I don't bother her about her cloths, shoes, handbags and jewelry and she doesn't say anything about my hobbies.

Ok, she did have a pretty big problem with my new motorcycle. But by the time she told me that, I already had it in our garage. She's more concerned with me killing myself then anything else. Seeing my track record, it's a legitimate concern.