Things you said that were "misinterpreted"...

[richc]

I thought of this today. I'll start.

I was going on a business trip and would be traveling by car for several hours in somewhat mildly roughterrain to get to my client site. So I was thinking about what kind of car I would drive. Client was paying the freight and told me I'd be driving several hours through mountainous terrain and mountain passes and such so I should get a car that would be suitable.

I call my travel agent and tell her I need a flight, hotel and car. After the flight is booked she asks about the car.

I say to her, "Norma, how about a Hummer?". She says excuse me. "Yeah, I'd like a Hummer". She says "WHAT!". Then it dawns on me she's not realizing I want the Hummer H3 vehicle. So I go one to explain there's a vehicle called a Hummer that's great for rougher terrain.

OMFG... she bursts out laughing. She knew me well and then realized the gaff. But for a moment, well, she surely did misinterpret my request...

 

[LuvDog]

I thought of this today. I'll start.

I was going on a business trip and would be traveling by car for several hours in somewhat mildly roughterrain to get to my client site. So I was thinking about what kind of car I would drive. Client was paying the freight and told me I'd be driving several hours through mountainous terrain and mountain passes and such so I should get a car that would be suitable.

I call my travel agent and tell her I need a flight, hotel and car. After the flight is booked she asks about the car.

I say to her, "Norma, how about a Hummer?". She says excuse me. "Yeah, I'd like a Hummer". She says "WHAT!". Then it dawns on me she's not realizing I want the Hummer H3 vehicle. So I go one to explain there's a vehicle called a Hummer that's great for rougher terrain.

OMFG... she bursts out laughing. She knew me well and then realized the gaff. But for a moment, well, she surely did misinterpret my request...

Was she starting to think about it and agree???

 

[Greg]

Where were you going that required a specialized vehicle to access ?

 

[Stryker]

Stopped at the local Ace with my wife a few years back to get some floor cleaning supplies - specifically the brand name Bona for hardwood floors.
They had two different size bottles on the shelf.

Without thinking, I yelled out to my wife who was at the other end of the aisle "Honey, do you want the little Bona or the big Bona?"

It took her shocked face and the two cashiers laughing hysterically to realize how that came across

 

[new guy]

I’ve told many to go F themselves. None appreciated how literal I was being.

 

[richc]

No where really special. Just an excuse to try out a cool new vehicle really. But since the client offered up the need for something 4WD that would handle OK on mountain roads I got creative!

Sadly there were not available to rent. So I got a big ass SUV of some sort.

Where were you going that required a specialized vehicle to access ?

 

[SKumar]

Last week, one of my employees was saying to someone else how difficult this one task was. It had to do with "how you can never make a man happy", and she was saying something like "...blah blah much harder". I was doing work in the corner and she says quickly to me from a distance "what's your take?". I turn around and say "suck harder?" as a misinterpretation of "much harder". She was like "wow then I should try that!" Then I clarified that I didn't know what subject she was even talking about. Ironically, the misread turned out to be a good icebreaker during downtime.

That's my contribution

 

[Dadstoys]

We use a material that resembles copper chainmail to fill holes where rodents come through.
I was at a client's house jammed under a sink on a day that was hotter than the gates of hell trying to maneuver myself to get at a hole.
Not a fun time.
The lady was asking me what it was I was using.
I said it the first time but she didn't hear me and said what ?
I said it much louder the second time.
Stuff it.
WHAT !!!?
The name of the product is stuff -it .

 

[wilson911]

The second amendment

 

[golden chicken]

I'm Chinese-American. 5th generation here. I speak English with a very slight New England accent. I no longer have the ability to speak Chinese, though when I was little, I could speak Toisan.

Went to a Chinese restaurant. Waitress speaks English with a Chinese accent. She takes our order and as she begins to walk away, she looks straight at me and says something, but I have already stopped paying attention to her and so what she says sounds like Chinese to me. I say, "Don't speak," meaning 'I don't speak Chinese.'

Waitress suddenly has an upset face and walks away.

My wife leans in and says quietly, "I think she was asking if we want tea for the table."

"In English?!"

"Yeah."

So...I'm pretty sure when I said 'Don't speak' the waitress thought I told her to shut up and go away. Whoops.

 

[mibro]

Where were you going that required a specialized vehicle to access ?

Area 52.

 

[Asaltweapon]

How about every conversation with my wife.
She’s mad at me for a text conversation I had with HER nephew last night that she was part of.
Chemo sucks. Wrecked her brain. She had such great memory.
Still love her.
Move on. Not worth the fight.

 

[GM-GUY]

I used to work for a company that originally had a long ass name, then when they incorporated they reduced it to just the first letters.

So I’m on the phone with a customer and he asks ‘What does the name stand for?’ My reply was ‘It used to stand for something and now it stands for nothing’. The GM or owners son was standing behind me at the time.

 

[dhuze]

Click on my name and then click postings.

 

[Jttgspring]

I’m Caucasian my wife is caucasian. After a few years of not being able to get pregnant with kid#2 she winds up pregnant. I was in one of our other offices, talking with a woman that helps me process a certain percentage if my orders, so i know her a bit. She follows the wife on the book etc. so she knows a bit about my home life. The woman that sits in the cubicle next to her sort if pops in to the conversation about said baby and pregnancy, saying something like...oh do you know if its a boy or a girl...to which in all my infinite wisdom i reply well as long it aint black were good...to which like three other cubicles audibly ghasp...then i realize the only person in this office that can understand what i mean was laughing her rear end off. I’m thinking I will get fired. I quickly explain, my wife and I are Caucasian, and we are not in some sort of open relationship...no no no digging somehow deeper. I apologize like a million times, offer to just stop talking, and walk away...still employed. For now.

 

[JayMcB]

Derek's server doesn't have enough space for this

 

[Mountain]

I thought of this today. I'll start.

I was going on a business trip and would be traveling by car for several hours in somewhat mildly roughterrain to get to my client site. So I was thinking about what kind of car I would drive. Client was paying the freight and told me I'd be driving several hours through mountainous terrain and mountain passes and such so I should get a car that would be suitable.

I call my travel agent and tell her I need a flight, hotel and car. After the flight is booked she asks about the car.

I say to her, "Norma, how about a Hummer?". She says excuse me. "Yeah, I'd like a Hummer". She says "WHAT!". Then it dawns on me she's not realizing I want the Hummer H3 vehicle. So I go one to explain there's a vehicle called a Hummer that's great for rougher terrain.

OMFG... she bursts out laughing. She knew me well and then realized the gaff. But for a moment, well, she surely did misinterpret my request...

Props to your travel agent for 'going there' so quickly, LOL.

Not so much of a misinterpretation as an accidental gaffe...

We received on temporary assignment from corporate a recent marketing grad with high potential. We needed to change our new product naming process from boring alphabet soup names to something that would be a little easier to remember yet tied to performance. This wasn't moving along well, so I pulled together a small team including her for an off campus lunch meeting to start spitballing names. Somehow the name 'Trojan' was dropped, and I got a from her. She said "I think that one's taken", then we all laughed so hard our eyes were watering. And yes, she was hot.

 

[hminsky]

I was taking a first semester Japanese class at college, and there was a visitor from Japan at the lab I worked at , so I tried out some conversational Japanese.
His wife had just had a new baby and they brought it into his office. I tried to say "your baby is cute!" ( "kawaii" in Japanese) but what I said was "kowai" which means "your baby is scary!".

He looked at me funny for a moment, and then said "I think you mean kawaii"....

 

[MisterHappy]

This thread has possibilities for misinterpretation

Ash Vacuum

Looking for recommendations for an ash vacuum to clean out the fireplace in my apartment. I would like to stick to the $50-$75 range. Any ideas?

www.northeastshooters.com

 

[Reptile]

"Would you like a schnauzer with your schnitzel?"

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YapRwteQuW4

 

[chuckules]

View: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Bw7RTUEZMyg

 

[Reptile]

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hC6D2g571fo

 

[KBCraig]

"Norma, how about a Hummer?"

Is she hot?

 

[Spanz]

Misinterpreted???

Late '70's, just got out of school and got my first job. Had to find someplace to live in a hurry....had everything i owned in the back of my GTO and living out of hotels was not going to work. I find a place that rents a room, with a shared bath/kitchen area, in Lexington. They said they would only rent to men. So i go check it out, with my GF who was in town for that weekend...and it looks fine--close to work, clean, the other guys there looked ok....what could go wrong.

A lady was showing me the room. I say "my GF will come to visit every once in a while for the weekend. that's OK, right?"

She says "sure, no problem!".

I take the room.

Living there for a while, my GF comes for a weekend. The next day as we are coming down the stairs, the landlady cracks open her door, and hands me an eviction notice. I read it....takes a few seconds to register....and say something like "WTF?". Lady says "this is an apartment for men only". I say "but I TOLD YOU my GF would be coming to visit on the weekends!".

She says "but i assumed she would not be SLEEPING HERE TOO!".

So i got evicted, for misinterpretation.

 

[GaryO]

"I do"

 

[calsdad]

This was way back when I was in college.

One of the university buildings was 5 stories - so everybody used to cram into the elevators to get to class on the upper floors. It was like a Japanese subway car.

So my friend Mark and I were the first ones into the elevator, and we go stand up against the back wall. A whole bunch of other people start piling in. I'm standing with my back right against the wall - and this girl walks in and stands in front of and because of the crowding her back is pressed right up against my front. The elevator is packed - there must have been 15-18 people in there, so I'm just thinking about minding my own space and trying to crowd in with everybody else. Because she's like right up against me she turns around and says "Excuse me - I'm sorry" - like an apology because she's pressing right up against me.

I just said " It's ok - I don't mind", and she like instantly gets all upset and gets this angry face and then sort of pushes away from me.

All the other guys on the elevator start laughing almost immediately.

For a few seconds I'm like "WTF just happened" - because I seriously wasn't trying to crowd this girl and I really meant I didn't mind that she was crowding me. It was just the situation.

The thing was her butt was squarely right up against my junkial area - so I can see where the comment might have been mis-interpreted. But I didn't see it until after I said it.

My friend was laughing all the way to class. I think the girl was actually more pissed that an entire elevator full of guys started laughing than what I had said.

 

[wilson911]

Misinterpreted???

Late '70's, just got out of school and got my first job. Had to find someplace to live in a hurry....had everything i owned in the back of my GTO and living out of hotels was not going to work. I find a place that rents a room, with a shared bath/kitchen area, in Lexington. They said they would only rent to men. So i go check it out, with my GF who was in town for that weekend...and it looks fine--close to work, clean, the other guys there looked ok....what could go wrong.

A lady was showing me the room. I say "my GF will come to visit every once in a while for the weekend. that's OK, right?"

She says "sure, no problem!".

I take the room.

Living there for a while, my GF comes for a weekend. The next day as we are coming down the stairs, the landlady cracks open her door, and hands me an eviction notice. I read it....takes a few seconds to register....and say something like "WTF?". Lady says "this is an apartment for men only". I say "but I TOLD YOU my GF would be coming to visit on the weekends!".

She says "but i assumed she would not be SLEEPING HERE TOO!".

So i got evicted, for misinterpretation.

Hope you told her there was NO sleeping going on.

 

[Behind Enemy Lines]

"Copies and duplicates"

 

[Spanz]

This was way back when I was in college.

One of the university buildings was 5 stories - so everybody used to cram into the elevators to get to class on the upper floors. It was like a Japanese subway car.

So my friend Mark and I were the first ones into the elevator, and we go stand up against the back wall. A whole bunch of other people start piling in. I'm standing with my back right against the wall - and this girl walks in and stands in front of and because of the crowding her back is pressed right up against my front. The elevator is packed - there must have been 15-18 people in there, so I'm just thinking about minding my own space and trying to crowd in with everybody else. Because she's like right up against me she turns around and says "Excuse me - I'm sorry" - like an apology because she's pressing right up against me.

I just said " It's ok - I don't mind", and she like instantly gets all upset and gets this angry face and then sort of pushes away from me.

All the other guys on the elevator start laughing almost immediately.

For a few seconds I'm like "WTF just happened" - because I seriously wasn't trying to crowd this girl and I really meant I didn't mind that she was crowding me. It was just the situation.

The thing was her butt was squarely right up against my junkial area - so I can see where the comment might have been mis-interpreted. But I didn't see it until after I said it.

My friend was laughing all the way to class. I think the girl was actually more pissed that an entire elevator full of guys started laughing than what I had said.

So, she got your point i see!

 

[greencobra]

this is a pretty amusing thread, enjoying the stories. me, i've spent a lifetime intentionally saying off the wall stuff just to see the reaction. got me suspended from work once when i was a lad. my take away from that..."i've got something here." needless to say, really good friends are few and everyone i hang with has the same sense of humor, dry. much like most of you folks. i can tell from the reading there was a reason i liked you all. well, most all. haha. good stuff you guys!