The worst 7 words ever uttered by a wife on Sunday morning!

[Rockrivr1]

“Can you help me for a second?” First of all, every married man alive knows it’s not going to just be a second. Second, and most importantly, whatever it is it’s going to suck and you’re not going to enjoy it.

And, I was right! 4 hours of hanging pictures, moving furniture, choosing new bathroom paint color and overall PIMA.

Now I’m on the couch after telling her I’m done and now she’s mad at me because I didn’t want to hang new bathroom mirrors.

That’s ok. When she’s mad she doesn’t talk to me. Winning!

 

[appraiser]

"Honey I think I am pregnant"

"sorry I am on my period"

"my mother is staying with us"

 

[Sunny]

Hold on. As a married man, why didn't you inquire details on her request?

"Ok I'm sitting here watching tv enjoying myself, what do you need a second of help for?"

How is she going to respond to that? Now she needs to justify why she should break your pattern of enjoyment. A woman is never going to do something where she thinks she's the bad person. At that point, she'll eject by saying "nevermind!". And then you zip it and resume your peace-n-quiet

 

[In God We Trust]

Better than the worst 4 words. “We need to talk.”

 

[not new guy]

This hair doesn’t look like mine

 

[Cudavid]

I don't do that anymore?
Ok its 5 words

 

[Broomcorn]

"Does this dress make me look fat?"

 

[MadatMarek]

Your brother is so much bigger

 

[G4Y4HK]

“Sit down, we need to talk.”

 

[CMEBoston]

I wish my wife would realize I’ll get to the things she wants done, she doesn’t have to remind me every 6 months

 

[Bmcl322]

I love my wife - cute and a great Mom!! I don't give a shite what she says!

 

[center442]

"Honey, do you think we could (fill in the blank)..." (By the way, that's the royal "we" which translates to you)

Usually uttered while you're just about to drift off for a nice nap. It's never for anything enjoyable, will involve expense, and won't be quick or easy.

 

[Blackmore]

With my wife it's "Will you do me a favor?". Since there's no choice, it's actually "Would you please?". I've finally convinced here to just say the latter in the first place to save time.

 

[not new guy]

Favors have a better chance of getting repaid…

 

[Roadglide]

When I’m done with something, whatever it is, my wife knows I’m done and it’s over. Full stop. Flame on.

 

[Blackmore]

Favors have a better chance of getting repaid…

 

[Masswhole]

Our children are moving back home today.

 

[HorizontalHunter]

“Can you help me for a second?” First of all, every married man alive knows it’s not going to just be a second. Second, and most importantly, whatever it is it’s going to suck and you’re not going to enjoy it.

And, I was right! 4 hours of hanging pictures, moving furniture, choosing new bathroom paint color and overall PIMA.

Now I’m on the couch after telling her I’m done and now she’s mad at me because I didn’t want to hang new bathroom mirrors.

That’s ok. When she’s mad she doesn’t talk to me. Winning!

Depending on her mood I will sometimes wait a few moments, look at my watch, and say “Times up”. After 32 years I find that I get it right ………most of the time.

 

[appraiser]

" I think you are the father "

 

[safetyfirst2125]

Also: “Did you get my text???!!”

I read text: “can you help me?”

I reply: “ok”

Followed by 10 minutes of this

 

[fencer]

Hold on. As a married man, why didn't you inquire details on her request?

Tell me you are single... without telling me you are single

 

[Executive]

A man must have an understanding with his wife. I'm fine with doing things to improve our home, but she is not allowed to tell me how to do it, or set some deadline for when it needs to be done. This has worked well for us. We will be married 33 years in May.

 

[Sparkey]

My wife is famous for waiting to I am showered and in my pajamas to tell me some is wrong with the car or etc.

 

[LakeTrout]

It’s funny. Those same words end up with a completely different ending in pornos.

 

[GM-GUY]

All of the above is why I'm not really sad I appear to be losing my hearing. Major upsides the down sides can be addressed with amplification.

 

[Mark L]

I'm generally compliant with my wife's requests. Happy wife, happy life. You know what else has seven words, "This d*ck isn't going to suck itself".

 

[Junior314]

Make wife wear minimal clothes during said requests.

Win-win situation.

 

[Asaltweapon]

"Honey I think I am pregnant"

"sorry I am on my period"

"my mother is staying with us"

I’m so glad number one never crossed her lips because we never wanted any crotch fruits.
BC was more than enough.

She’s still an effin awesome wife!

 

[Varmint]

“Can you help me for a second?” First of all, every married man alive knows it’s not going to just be a second. Second, and most importantly, whatever it is it’s going to suck and you’re not going to enjoy it.

And, I was right! 4 hours of hanging pictures, moving furniture, choosing new bathroom paint color and overall PIMA.

Now I’m on the couch after telling her I’m done and now she’s mad at me because I didn’t want to hang new bathroom mirrors.

That’s ok. When she’s mad she doesn’t talk to me. Winning!

I thought it was “Can you get me another pregnancy stick?”

 

[Varmint]

I'm generally compliant with my wife's requests. Happy wife, happy life. You know what else has seven words, "This d*ck isn't going to suck itself".

Is that true? Cause my wife sometimes tells me to do that.