Garys
NES Member
From a friend of mine who works in TV news,
"WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM TO BRING YOU A SPECIAL REPORT":
OLD: The president has been shot.
NEW: A cute girl is missing.
"BREAKING NEWS":
OLD: The president will resign.
NEW: There's a car on the side of the road with a flat.
"NEWS ALERT":
OLD: Man will land on the moon within the hour.
NEW: Man landed on Pam Anderson over the weekend.
"EXCLUSIVE"
OLD: We are the only people he would do an interview with.
NEW: We are the only people he would do an interview with
from 7:43 am - 7:48 am.
"LIVE!"
OLD: Live!
NEW: Live (on tape or possibly an :01 generic for everyone)!
"STORM CENTRAL IS IN FULL GEAR!"
OLD: A major, possibly record-breaking storm is headed our way and there is important information you need to know for your safety.
NEW: It's looking sorta cloudy, isn't it?
"WE HAVE A CREW ON THE WAY."
OLD: We have a crew on the way.
NEW: We just saw the story on the other channel and we're calling in our truck guy from his day off.
"WE HAVE NEW DETAILS..."
OLD: We have found out additional facts that are new and pertinent to your understanding of this complex story.
NEW: We got nothin', but we're rewriting the copy in the present tense.
"OUR TEAM COVERAGE"
OLD: Four reporters on a big story that requires several locations to tell properly.
NEW: Eighteen reporters on a non-story, possibly standing within inches of each other.
"WE ARE SENDING OUT OUR CHOPPER."
OLD: Because there's a riot in the streets, and aerials will provide perspective as to its intensity, range, and danger.
NEW: Because the promos say we will.
"WE ARE THE NUMBER ONE NEWS STATION IN TOWN!"
OLD: We won in the ratings.
NEW: We won in the ratings among 34-59 year old middle-income white females earning $34,500 - $52,875 with two or fewer kids who are expected to purchase shoes in the next quarter.
"GO TO OUR WEBSITE FOR MORE INFORMATION."
OLD: Go to our website for the exact same information.
NEW: Go to our website for more information buried among car ads, Google ads, our marketing message, our "community" work, team bios, show schedules and how to buy advertising on our channel.
"WE ARE MAKING CALLS RIGHT NOW TO FIND OUT MORE."
OLD: We are making calls to our contacts who can give us the inside scoop.
NEW: We are waiting for the AP update thingy to go "ping"!
"THIS STORY WILL HAVE MAJOR IMPACT HERE AT HOME."
OLD: Ways the national or international story directly impacts our community.
NEW: Someone in our 250 square mile area has a cousin who knows someone there.
"THERE HAS BEEN A MAJOR OUTBREAK OF A DEADLY VIRUS."
OLD: 35,000 people are infected and it is spreading out of control.
NEW: It showed up in a dead bird.
"THIS JUST IN..."
OLD: We just found this out and we want you to know about it.
NEW: We finally got the prompter to work.
"JEFF SMITH IS ON ASSIGNMENT."
OLD: Jeff Smith is doing a weeklong investigation into City Hall corruption.
NEW: Jeff Smith is holding out for more money.
"OUR REPORTER JOINS US BY VIDEOPHONE."
OLD: Because we wanted to get this to you quickly, and it's the best we can do right now.
NEW: Because it's a shitload cheaper than a live truck, a truck op, a cameraman and satellite time.
"VISIT OUR BLOG."
OLD: Our what?
NEW: Our GM saw someone else doing it, so here it is.
"ARE YOUR CHILDREN IN DANGER? WATCH US TONIGHT TO FIND OUT."
OLD: Yes, there is contaminated water at our playground that is making children ill.
NEW: No they aren't. Good tease writing, though.
"WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM TO BRING YOU A SPECIAL REPORT":
OLD: The president has been shot.
NEW: A cute girl is missing.
"BREAKING NEWS":
OLD: The president will resign.
NEW: There's a car on the side of the road with a flat.
"NEWS ALERT":
OLD: Man will land on the moon within the hour.
NEW: Man landed on Pam Anderson over the weekend.
"EXCLUSIVE"
OLD: We are the only people he would do an interview with.
NEW: We are the only people he would do an interview with
from 7:43 am - 7:48 am.
"LIVE!"
OLD: Live!
NEW: Live (on tape or possibly an :01 generic for everyone)!
"STORM CENTRAL IS IN FULL GEAR!"
OLD: A major, possibly record-breaking storm is headed our way and there is important information you need to know for your safety.
NEW: It's looking sorta cloudy, isn't it?
"WE HAVE A CREW ON THE WAY."
OLD: We have a crew on the way.
NEW: We just saw the story on the other channel and we're calling in our truck guy from his day off.
"WE HAVE NEW DETAILS..."
OLD: We have found out additional facts that are new and pertinent to your understanding of this complex story.
NEW: We got nothin', but we're rewriting the copy in the present tense.
"OUR TEAM COVERAGE"
OLD: Four reporters on a big story that requires several locations to tell properly.
NEW: Eighteen reporters on a non-story, possibly standing within inches of each other.
"WE ARE SENDING OUT OUR CHOPPER."
OLD: Because there's a riot in the streets, and aerials will provide perspective as to its intensity, range, and danger.
NEW: Because the promos say we will.
"WE ARE THE NUMBER ONE NEWS STATION IN TOWN!"
OLD: We won in the ratings.
NEW: We won in the ratings among 34-59 year old middle-income white females earning $34,500 - $52,875 with two or fewer kids who are expected to purchase shoes in the next quarter.
"GO TO OUR WEBSITE FOR MORE INFORMATION."
OLD: Go to our website for the exact same information.
NEW: Go to our website for more information buried among car ads, Google ads, our marketing message, our "community" work, team bios, show schedules and how to buy advertising on our channel.
"WE ARE MAKING CALLS RIGHT NOW TO FIND OUT MORE."
OLD: We are making calls to our contacts who can give us the inside scoop.
NEW: We are waiting for the AP update thingy to go "ping"!
"THIS STORY WILL HAVE MAJOR IMPACT HERE AT HOME."
OLD: Ways the national or international story directly impacts our community.
NEW: Someone in our 250 square mile area has a cousin who knows someone there.
"THERE HAS BEEN A MAJOR OUTBREAK OF A DEADLY VIRUS."
OLD: 35,000 people are infected and it is spreading out of control.
NEW: It showed up in a dead bird.
"THIS JUST IN..."
OLD: We just found this out and we want you to know about it.
NEW: We finally got the prompter to work.
"JEFF SMITH IS ON ASSIGNMENT."
OLD: Jeff Smith is doing a weeklong investigation into City Hall corruption.
NEW: Jeff Smith is holding out for more money.
"OUR REPORTER JOINS US BY VIDEOPHONE."
OLD: Because we wanted to get this to you quickly, and it's the best we can do right now.
NEW: Because it's a shitload cheaper than a live truck, a truck op, a cameraman and satellite time.
"VISIT OUR BLOG."
OLD: Our what?
NEW: Our GM saw someone else doing it, so here it is.
"ARE YOUR CHILDREN IN DANGER? WATCH US TONIGHT TO FIND OUT."
OLD: Yes, there is contaminated water at our playground that is making children ill.
NEW: No they aren't. Good tease writing, though.
