-
If you enjoy the forum please consider supporting it by signing up for a NES Membership The benefits pay for the membership many times over.
Significant others objections to firearms
- Thread starter Amancini
- Start date
- Joined
- May 23, 2013
- Messages
- 4,784
- Likes
- 4,912
SHOCKNAWE
NES Member
My girlfriend has zero issue with my guns, every time I walk into the house with a new purchase she is always fine with it. I think the reality of the situation is that after I pay the bills and take her out she is happy that my extra cash is going to guns rather than bars and strippers.
If she's telling you what to do, its already doomed. Be assertive and see what happens. If you have to "get permission" for something this early in the relationship, you're pretty much ****ed. Not to mention most Hoplophobic (eg scared of guns, not just not interested) are (usually) that special kind of batshit crazy....
This myth makes me nauseous, most guns are a shitty investment vehicle, unless you're sticking to stuff that's not likely to depreciate or only buying used on the best deals. Sure they're better than other things you could have bought, but why do you think most dealers only pay a portion of book value?
Then again I'm biased, I bought what I wanted instead of the best possible values. I just know that I've bought like 30 guns, over the past 6 years had to sell most of them, and there's no way in hell I got back more than 85% of what I put In as a rule. If I tried to tell my wife/SO that guns were an investment I hope she would say something like "That's retard logic, you don't have to make up silly excuses, just buy what you want."
- Joined
- May 23, 2013
- Messages
- 4,784
- Likes
- 4,912
Honestly, I was surprised I didn't get a call from him saying he needed help getting rid of her body. Out of all his dads crap it was the one and only thing that was important to him. He was gutted for quite some time over it and lost all interest in ever going to the range.
If I was him the story would have ended with "and then the cops came" and I'd be typing this on my free computer and internet service from prison(at least then I'd have health coverage
Didn't mean to be a downer, just don't want to see the same thing(or a variation of) happen to the OP.
TOM1960
Banned
If she wants to be nasty, all she has to do is a simple call to the cops (911) saying that you are crazy, have guns in the house and that she fears for her safety. Cops come, yank your LTC and take all of the guns to the police station. The next phone call is from the cops to the Dowd extortion warehouse and your guns are history! If there is any kind of domestic conflict and you value your guns, store them someplace else that she does not know about.Honestly, I was surprised I didn't get a call from him saying he needed help getting rid of her body. Out of all his dads crap it was the one and only thing that was important to him. He was gutted for quite some time over it and lost all interest in ever going to the range.
If I was him the story would have ended with "and then the cops came" and I'd be typing this on my free computer and internet service from prison(at least then I'd have health coverage).
Didn't mean to be a downer, just don't want to see the same thing(or a variation of) happen to the OP.
Well, there's lots of good advice here, as well as a boatload of masculine posturing. Here's a woman's POV:
You may have to accept the fact that having guns and having this particular girlfriend are mutually exclusive. Hope that doesn't turn out to be the case, but it could, so start thinking about it.
Start by purchasing a gun safe. We got a decent one cheap at Wal-mart (with free delivery). Once your GF sees that a) you're serious about this, and b) you care enough to spend money on something other than actual guns, she may begin to re-consider her antipathy.
Offer to send her to a class -- NOT with you in attendance. The one thing most woman hate is looking foolish in front of loved ones. If she's trying something new and is uncertain about it, she's not going to want you there to see the baby steps. Once she's dancing, she'll dance with you, but until she learns and is comfortable, no dancing for you.
Someone above suggested archery; that's also a brilliant idea.
Someone above suggested she get some of her girlfriends to go shooting with her, but as was noted, she probably doesn't have any shootin' friends.
If you're near the Cape and can persuade her, I'll be glad to take her to my club and let her shoot some of my 22s. The long guns are super easy to shoot, and accurate as well; once she starts hearing the CLANG! as she hits the targets, she might actually begin to relax and have some fun. Just let me know.
All that said, if she accepts your "hobby" and decides she can live with it, she may decide that she wants a hobby of her own. Be ready to support her MORE than she is supporting you on this issue. It's little things that make a relationship work, and if it does work, things like this tend to even out over time.
Best of luck.
You may have to accept the fact that having guns and having this particular girlfriend are mutually exclusive. Hope that doesn't turn out to be the case, but it could, so start thinking about it.
Start by purchasing a gun safe. We got a decent one cheap at Wal-mart (with free delivery). Once your GF sees that a) you're serious about this, and b) you care enough to spend money on something other than actual guns, she may begin to re-consider her antipathy.
Offer to send her to a class -- NOT with you in attendance. The one thing most woman hate is looking foolish in front of loved ones. If she's trying something new and is uncertain about it, she's not going to want you there to see the baby steps. Once she's dancing, she'll dance with you, but until she learns and is comfortable, no dancing for you.
Someone above suggested archery; that's also a brilliant idea.
Someone above suggested she get some of her girlfriends to go shooting with her, but as was noted, she probably doesn't have any shootin' friends.
If you're near the Cape and can persuade her, I'll be glad to take her to my club and let her shoot some of my 22s. The long guns are super easy to shoot, and accurate as well; once she starts hearing the CLANG! as she hits the targets, she might actually begin to relax and have some fun. Just let me know.
All that said, if she accepts your "hobby" and decides she can live with it, she may decide that she wants a hobby of her own. Be ready to support her MORE than she is supporting you on this issue. It's little things that make a relationship work, and if it does work, things like this tend to even out over time.
Best of luck.
Varmint
NES Member
+1 My wife learned to drive stick, to snorkel, and to X-country ski, all without me present. I left her with friends or instructors in each case, worked so much better that way.
Good advice, but the rest of us aren't necessarily wrong. Its one thing to have a someone who just isn't into guns, that's not entirely abnormal, but the ones who are absolute freak shows about it are not usually salvageable. There's a big difference between the two. Often times this serves as a good smoke test, as usually its not even about the guns, the freak shows don't like the fact that their gravy train is being disrupted even a little because their partner has a new hobby.
That's some alpha shit right there.
Sounds like you had already made up your mind before posting. She'll accept it or not. Also, it's not just this one purchase. It's the $2000 a year as you purchase more firearms, safely store them, purchase ammo, maintenance kits, etc.
My house works differently - we discuss and agree upon major purchases and changes. For us, it's a mutual respect thing that has served us well for 25 years.
My house works differently - we discuss and agree upon major purchases and changes. For us, it's a mutual respect thing that has served us well for 25 years.
Totally agree. I had a wife that didn't like me skydiving as it was too risky, so I stopped doing that. Then there was a laundry list of other things that she didn't like and we fought for a few years. Ending it should have happened when she asked me to quit skydiving. Sometimes it's just about someone not being able to compromise and wanting control in the relationship, and sometimes you shouldn't compromise. (Got a new wife, she likes skydiving, rock and roll and thinks me having guns is a good thing even if she doesn't care for them).
The original question as posed was one of asking for permission, not how does one get their girlfriend to accept or love their gun hobby. If you need permission you're in the wrong relationship. The safe, training and getting her involved in archery are all reasonable compromise positions for him to offer and her to accept. Alternatively she can agree to disagree and understand that they don't always have to agree on everything but can and will lead separate lives. Her saying "no" and it meaning that the OP doesn't buy a gun should be an indicator of trouble in the future.
![[rofl]](/xen/styles/default/xenforo/smilies.vb/013.gif "ROFL [rofl]")
My oldest son (now a practicing lawyer) was brought up around guns and shooting.
He tells me over dinner the other day "I think that the only people that should have guns are police and the military. No one else needs to own them"
Then I told him he needed to go to MFS for a range session....
He tells me over dinner the other day "I think that the only people that should have guns are police and the military. No one else needs to own them"
Then I told him he needed to go to MFS for a range session....
The above is bad advice.
End the relationship and get on with your life minus the drama.
Good advice.
CockedAndLocked
Banned
My oldest son (now a practicing lawyer) was brought up around guns and shooting.
He tells me over dinner the other day "I think that the only people that should have guns are police and the military. No one else needs to own them"
Then I told him he needed to go to MFS for a range session....
If I was having diner with someone who told me that the meal would be over and I would leave or tell them to leave.
Lots of good advice on this thread. Lots of bad advice too. I'm not going to comment on the dynamics of your relationship, and I respect your desire to get your girlfriend on board with your pending purchase(s).
And you're right, in that education is the key. Most people who are blindly adverse to firearms feel that way because they don't know any better. My social circle tends to be mostly urban liberal Millennials who often feel the same way as your girlfriend. I've had a lot of experience teaching firearms to that crowd, and it's amazing how much a person's perspective changes after an afternoon of unbiased, hands on exposure to firearms. It doesn't necessarily make gun owners/gun nuts out of every one of them, but it certainly opens minds and changes perspectives.
The trick is how you go about educating your girlfriend, and her willingness to be educated. The problem is, deep down inside you have to admit that you don't want to educate her, you want to influence her. And she knows this, and it doesn't matter what you say or do, she's going to be inherently suspicions because she knows you have an agenda. And until she lets go of those suspicions, you're not going to be able to get through to her.
Also, I've found that when personal relationships are involved, it's often even harder to get through to an unwilling subject. It's just the nature of emotional relationships. That's certainly the case in my home. I've taught hundreds of students, but I can't tell my wife which way the bullets come out without getting into an argument with her.
So that said, I would highly recommend stepping back and getting a third party involved to do the teaching. Find someone your wife can respect and trust to teach her the facts without trying to persuade her of anything. Consider having a third party friend or acquaintance, a family member she's not terribly close to, another woman perhaps, or a professional instructor take the lead. Don't plan it, don't go, don't participate in any way. Let her figure it out for herself, and come to her own conclusions.
GOAL hosts a Women on Target clinic that might be a good start. Their instructors are very good, and used to working with women in your girlfriend's position. Once she lets go and opens her mind, she'll come around.
And you're right, in that education is the key. Most people who are blindly adverse to firearms feel that way because they don't know any better. My social circle tends to be mostly urban liberal Millennials who often feel the same way as your girlfriend. I've had a lot of experience teaching firearms to that crowd, and it's amazing how much a person's perspective changes after an afternoon of unbiased, hands on exposure to firearms. It doesn't necessarily make gun owners/gun nuts out of every one of them, but it certainly opens minds and changes perspectives.
The trick is how you go about educating your girlfriend, and her willingness to be educated. The problem is, deep down inside you have to admit that you don't want to educate her, you want to influence her. And she knows this, and it doesn't matter what you say or do, she's going to be inherently suspicions because she knows you have an agenda. And until she lets go of those suspicions, you're not going to be able to get through to her.
Also, I've found that when personal relationships are involved, it's often even harder to get through to an unwilling subject. It's just the nature of emotional relationships. That's certainly the case in my home. I've taught hundreds of students, but I can't tell my wife which way the bullets come out without getting into an argument with her.
So that said, I would highly recommend stepping back and getting a third party involved to do the teaching. Find someone your wife can respect and trust to teach her the facts without trying to persuade her of anything. Consider having a third party friend or acquaintance, a family member she's not terribly close to, another woman perhaps, or a professional instructor take the lead. Don't plan it, don't go, don't participate in any way. Let her figure it out for herself, and come to her own conclusions.
GOAL hosts a Women on Target clinic that might be a good start. Their instructors are very good, and used to working with women in your girlfriend's position. Once she lets go and opens her mind, she'll come around.
Great advice here, and just to tack on one more thing that Stoutcat is getting at:
Don't expect or demand that your girlfriend like your hobbies and want to participate. The goal is education, acceptance and tolerance, not turning your girlfriend into a gun nut. If it turns out she likes shooting and wants to go to the range with you, great. But if she doesn't, don't push it. In fact, you may come to enjoy the fact that you have a hobby that lets you get out of the house and get some peace and quiet away from your significant other (just make sure she has a hobby so she doesn't feel left behind and alone every time you go to the range).
She doesn't need to be Annie Oakley to make a good wife.
just go do it, there are m,any clubs that run events where you can use it. enjoy your new hobby, you will have a blast. she'll come around.
JimB
I admit to having a little chuckle as I am very familiar with Mrs. Moto
![[laugh]](/xen/styles/default/xenforo/smilies.vb/012.gif "Laugh [laugh]")
and that's as far as I'm going with that as she's no joke.I told my wife way back I would be getting an LTC and acquiring firearms legally for protection and sport. She was not too cool with it and made her opinion known. We have young children, a busy house, etc.... I let her stew for a couple days and then she approached me with "If you're getting a gun license then I want one too". I admit it shocked the crap out of me but after she explained that if firearms were going to be stored in the house then she needed to know how to handle them too. Such simple logic but the thought hadn't even crossed my mind at the time. We took the safety class together and the rest is history. It wasn't about politics or an agenda, just understanding my wishes and applying some common sense to make things work.
As stated many time already in the thread; disliking firearms is sometimes a result of ignorance. Maybe a little involvement at a slow pace for her may change things for your benefit? They obviously can be more than just 'evil killy' things and if she gets comfortable with them the range can be a great 'couples' activity too.
- Joined
- Aug 5, 2013
- Messages
- 127
- Likes
- 12
I'm so glad my girl was a "gun girl" in a "gun family" before me. Bring her to the deepest part of the "hood" until she feels super uncomfortable and wished you had a firearm. Lol she will get over it, grow some balls and do it! Tighten up that belt, son! Lol jk... She'll get over it.
I would really suggest you re-think the relationship with this chick. There are plenty of things that husbands and wives will fight over during their lifetime. But, the right to defend yourself is sort of a ground zero / no discussion place. Now, if you were both flaming liberal asshats, then I'd say, go for it, drink your lattes and have fun. But, liberal asshat+conservative=shitshow, and worse shitshow if you choose to impregnate her.
JMHO, YMMV
JMHO, YMMV
Similar threads
