1. If you enjoy the forum please consider supporting it by signing up for a NES Membership  The benefits pay for the membership many times over.

  2. Dismiss Notice

Official Worst Jokes Ever Thread

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by Blitz1, Jul 26, 2008.

  1. Andy in NH

    Andy in NH NES Life Member NES Member

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2007
    Messages:
    2,481
    Likes Received:
    1,213
    Location:
    SW NH
    I've been trying to put together a hide-and-seek league, but good players are hard to find.
     
    Choctaw, namedpipes and Jason Flare like this.

  2. JayMcB

    JayMcB NES Member

    Joined:
    Aug 8, 2011
    Messages:
    10,209
    Likes Received:
    4,660
    Location:
    Metro-Worst, assachusetts
  3. Sauer Grapes

    Sauer Grapes NES Member

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2013
    Messages:
    3,325
    Likes Received:
    1,984
    Location:
    MetroWest
  4. milktree

    milktree NES Member

    Joined:
    Aug 31, 2008
    Messages:
    4,083
    Likes Received:
    1,394
    What's the difference between a seal, and a sealion?

    An electron.
     
  5. FancyGunz

    FancyGunz NES Member

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2012
    Messages:
    530
    Likes Received:
    163
    Hahahahahahahahahahahahaaaa, best joke ever.


    What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?

    Roberto
     
    nastynatural, milktree and namedpipes like this.
  6. scatter

    scatter NES Member

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2010
    Messages:
    2,166
    Likes Received:
    722
    Location:
    Roanoke VA
    Dammit. I tripped over a box of Kleenex earlier today. Doctor says I've suffered some tissue damage.
     
    spcantwell, SKumar and milktree like this.
  7. namedpipes

    namedpipes

    Joined:
    May 7, 2008
    Messages:
    30,199
    Likes Received:
    12,264
    Location:
    PREM
    What sound do porcupines make when they kiss?

    Ouch
     
  8. namedpipes

    namedpipes

    Joined:
    May 7, 2008
    Messages:
    30,199
    Likes Received:
    12,264
    Location:
    PREM
    Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Nancy?"

    "My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."

    The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

    Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied, "That's because he's inside your stupid cat."
     
  9. namedpipes

    namedpipes

    Joined:
    May 7, 2008
    Messages:
    30,199
    Likes Received:
    12,264
    Location:
    PREM
    What happened to the professor's plant in Math class?

    It grew square roots.
     
    spcantwell likes this.
  10. scatter

    scatter NES Member

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2010
    Messages:
    2,166
    Likes Received:
    722
    Location:
    Roanoke VA
    Next time you go to a restaurant and they ask if you have reservations, tell them you do but you've decided to eat there anyway.
     
  11. EddieA

    EddieA NES Member

    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2014
    Messages:
    1,277
    Likes Received:
    639
    Location:
    On an island in the sun
    I've actually done that.
     
    JayMcB likes this.
  12. Golddiggie

    Golddiggie NES Member

    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2012
    Messages:
    12,687
    Likes Received:
    2,999
    Location:
    Pelham, NH
    "Why, what have you heard???"
     
    namedpipes and Jason Flare like this.
  13. Jason Flare

    Jason Flare NES Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2012
    Messages:
    8,520
    Likes Received:
    5,155
    Location:
    Berkshires
    Paul Revere had a chicken named Gallo. When the American Revolution was well underway, he spent several nights training the chicken secretly in his barn. When he finally felt Gallo was ready, he brought it with him to the Sons of Liberty. At first, they laughed.

    “Well, now, laugh if you want, but this here is a highly trained chicken, and Gallo here will help us win the war!”

    They laughed some more. One of the menspoke up, “What kind of name is Gallo, anyways?”

    “Italian” said Paul Revere. A man from Italytraded it for some silver work I did for him.” He set the chicken down. “But as I said, this bird here is *highly trained!”

    Another man spoke up. “Trained for what? To lay an egg in the king?” Again more laughter.

    “No!” Revere was growing impatient. “Gallo here is trained to sniff out British sympathizers!”

    “Lies!” Several men called out.

    “It’s true, I tell you! Just wait until you see my Italian Chicken catch a Tory!”
     
    spcantwell, cockpitbob and kelton like this.
  14. namedpipes

    namedpipes

    Joined:
    May 7, 2008
    Messages:
    30,199
    Likes Received:
    12,264
    Location:
    PREM
    They don't call this the official "Worst" jokes thread for nuthin!
     
    spcantwell and Jason Flare like this.
  15. Jason Flare

    Jason Flare NES Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2012
    Messages:
    8,520
    Likes Received:
    5,155
    Location:
    Berkshires
    There are some holes.

    For one, I can’t figure out what he had to do to train the chicken.
     
    spcantwell likes this.
  16. FPrice

    FPrice Retired Zoomie NES Life Member NES Member

    Joined:
    Apr 29, 2005
    Messages:
    18,511
    Likes Received:
    3,528
    Location:
    Western Mass
    There are some things that are best left unknown.
     
  17. bfm

    bfm NES Member

    Joined:
    Nov 19, 2007
    Messages:
    6,268
    Likes Received:
    2,557
    Location:
    Somerville
    Did you think the joke about Gallo lay o egg?
     
  18. namedpipes

    namedpipes

    Joined:
    May 7, 2008
    Messages:
    30,199
    Likes Received:
    12,264
    Location:
    PREM
    Well let's just say it was bad enough that I repeated it.
     
  19. scatter

    scatter NES Member

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2010
    Messages:
    2,166
    Likes Received:
    722
    Location:
    Roanoke VA
    It just occurred to me: Earth is really having a lot of success in the Miss Universe pageant.
     
    spcantwell, Bear, JayMcB and 4 others like this.
  20. Andy in NH

    Andy in NH NES Life Member NES Member

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2007
    Messages:
    2,481
    Likes Received:
    1,213
    Location:
    SW NH
    How many grammar Nazis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    Too.
     
  21. milktree

    milktree NES Member

    Joined:
    Aug 31, 2008
    Messages:
    4,083
    Likes Received:
    1,394
  22. FPrice

    FPrice Retired Zoomie NES Life Member NES Member

    Joined:
    Apr 29, 2005
    Messages:
    18,511
    Likes Received:
    3,528
    Location:
    Western Mass
    spcantwell and milktree like this.
  23. rcoolbaugh

    rcoolbaugh

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2013
    Messages:
    1,701
    Likes Received:
    1,118
    Location:
    Amesbury, MA
    ... But, Officer .... at the speed I was going the light appeared green ....
     
    spcantwell and milktree like this.
  24. milktree

    milktree NES Member

    Joined:
    Aug 31, 2008
    Messages:
    4,083
    Likes Received:
    1,394
    and short/long visual Doppler effect.
     
    spcantwell likes this.
  25. namedpipes

    namedpipes

    Joined:
    May 7, 2008
    Messages:
    30,199
    Likes Received:
    12,264
    Location:
    PREM
    What do you get if you cross an elephant with a rhino?

    Elephino.
     
    spcantwell, SKumar and Choctaw like this.
  26. smokey-seven

    smokey-seven NES Member

    Joined:
    May 3, 2010
    Messages:
    3,834
    Likes Received:
    2,083
    Location:
    North Shore
    If it is in Massachusetts, you get a democrat.
     
  27. namedpipes

    namedpipes

    Joined:
    May 7, 2008
    Messages:
    30,199
    Likes Received:
    12,264
    Location:
    PREM
    FIFY
     
  28. Pete85

    Pete85

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2008
    Messages:
    10,481
    Likes Received:
    2,277
    milktree likes this.
  29. Shark_Cage

    Shark_Cage NES Member

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2009
    Messages:
    3,375
    Likes Received:
    1,435
    Location:
    Reading, MA
    Why did Mr Kraft put on war paint?
    He heard that Grandma was beating off the Indians.
     
  30. Chevy 2 65

    Chevy 2 65 NES Member

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2013
    Messages:
    14,390
    Likes Received:
    5,091
    Location:
    Somewhere in the sands of time
    Whats long a hard on an Asian women?
     

Share This Page