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Official Worst Jokes Ever Thread

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by Blitz1, Jul 26, 2008.

  1. Blitz1

    Blitz1 NES Member

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    I'll start.

    2 peanuts were walking down the road in a bad neighborhood.









































    One was a salted.

    [sad2][rolleyes][wink]


    Please post your groaners.


    BTW no copying my earlier joke and posting them here...Rob57
     
    Last edited: Jul 26, 2008
    1 person likes this.

  2. Prepper

    Prepper NES Member

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    Wow. I won't even dignify that joke with a response.
     
  3. Prepper

    Prepper NES Member

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    Oops.
     
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  4. Blitz1

    Blitz1 NES Member

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    [laugh2]
     
  5. Jedhed

    Jedhed

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    How much to pirate ear rings cost?























    A bucaneer!



    Sorry folks...
     
  6. Jamie

    Jamie

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    A horse walks into a bar... Bartender says "Why the long face?"
     
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  7. packingungal

    packingungal

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    A man walked into a bar, ouch!

    What do you call a cow that won't give milk? A milk dud
     
    1 person likes this.
  8. packingungal

    packingungal

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    Alright - who's there?
     
  9. FPrice

    FPrice Retired Zoomie NES Member

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    Old lady.
     
  10. Blitz1

    Blitz1 NES Member

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    Old Lady Who?
     
  11. Jedhed

    Jedhed

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    Swiss miss instant cocoa?
     
  12. thalife

    thalife

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    pirate walks into a bar; bartender says, "excuse me but there's a steering wheel in your pants."
    pirate replies, "arrr and it's been driving me nuts all day." [rofl2]
     
    1 person likes this.
  13. P-14

    P-14 NES Member

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    This sandwich walks in to a bar and sits down at the bar. The bartender comes up and glares at the sandwich and says, "What do you want?" [angry]

    Sandwich says, "Gimme a drink!"

    Bartender says, "NO WAY. We don't serve food here."

    Badumpum ching!
     
  14. Blitz1

    Blitz1 NES Member

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    D'OH

    [sad2][rolleyes][laugh]

    That was actually funny, but I still feel dirty for having read it. [wink]
     
  15. Jedhed

    Jedhed

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    A twisted up piece of string walks into a bar and says "gimme a bourbon"

    The bartender says "We don't allow string in here. Are you a piece of string?"

    Nope, I'm afraid not.
     
  16. Davidk

    Davidk NES Member

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    Two potatoes are walking down the street. How do you know which one is the prostitute?







    The one with the sticker that says "Idaho"
     
  17. jdubois

    jdubois

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    This one doesn't translate well into written form, but it used to be my brother's favorite joke when we were young [grin]:

    Knock, knock.

    Who's there?

    Interrupting Cow.

    Interrupting Cow wh... MOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
     
    1 person likes this.
  18. ShootinFoodie

    ShootinFoodie

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    Location:
    In a place near a place that abuts another place.
    What did the bean say to the other bean?

    How you bean?

    *****************************
    What did the dune say to the other dune?

    How you dune?

    *****************************
    What did the bean say to the dune?

    How you bean dune.

    *****************************

    I feel less of a man for sharing those.

    Feh.
     
  19. Blitz1

    Blitz1 NES Member

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    Huh??
     
  20. clinotus

    clinotus

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    A panda walks into a bar. The bartender says "hey, we don't serve pandas here." But the panda says "Just give me something to eat, and then I'll go." The bartender says "Oh, all right." So the panda eats the food that the bartend er gives him. So the bartender says, "OK, now you have to leave." But the panda says "Oh no I don't." and he (the panda) pulls out a gun!!! and pow! pow! shoots up the bar. The Panda starts to leave. The bartender says "Hey! you can't just leave after s hooting at us!" the panda says "Oh, yes I can. Look me up in the dictionary." So the panda leaves and the bartender gets out a dictionary and looks up panda. It says: "Panda - eats shoots and leaves."

    ----shorter ones---

    What's an archeologist?
    Someone whose career is in ruins.

    What happens when two snails fight?
    They slug it out.

    How did the artist paint a picture?
    Easel-y.
     
    1 person likes this.
  21. dreppucci007

    dreppucci007 Moderator NES Member

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    Did you hear about the two guys who robbed a house and took everything but the soap and towels?...


    They were dirty crooks!


    (Hey, it's not called the Official Worst Jokes Ever Thread for nothing)
     
  22. Andy in NH

    Andy in NH NES Life Member NES Member

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    Two cannibals were eating a clown.

    The first cannibal says, "Does this taste funny to you?"

    The second cannibal says, "No, but I'm having a ball."

    The first cannibal says, Well then, you are eating too fast!"
     
  23. Blitz1

    Blitz1 NES Member

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    I knew better
     
  24. BillK

    BillK

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    whats the difference between a frog and a horny toad?


































    one says rib..bit, rib..bit, the other says rub..bit rub..bit!
     
  25. FPrice

    FPrice Retired Zoomie NES Member

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    I didn't know that you could yodel!
     
  26. packingungal

    packingungal

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    He was disguised as me...
     
  27. packingungal

    packingungal

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    Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens....
























    Because they kept saying "Bach, Bach, Bach"
     
  28. PSS

    PSS NES Member

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    what kind of bees give milk?











    boo-bees!!
    worst one i could think of
     
  29. rapture

    rapture

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    A man is sitting at a bar, and he hears a voice that say's "Nice pants!"
    He looks around and there's noone else there but him.
    Then suddenly, he hears the voice again and it says "Nice Shirt!"
    Again, there's noone around but him.
    The bartender appears from the back room, and the man say's "Excuse me, but I keep hearing this voice, and there doesn't appear to be anyone around. First it said "Nice pants!" then it said "Nice shirt!", what is going on here?
    The bartender looks at him and says, "Oh, those are the peanuts."
    "They're complimentary."
     
  30. Jedhed

    Jedhed

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    If Noah had been a pirate what kind of boat would he have used???







    An ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRk!
     

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