How do I guide my son?

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Fitzgerald: We're not the kind of society we once were

The chief is not wrong. Times very much have changed. I don't need myself or son getting sued just because we're trying to help. It used to be if you saw someone pulled over on the highway, you would feel good about pulling over yourself and seeing if they need help. These days I'm not so sure. So much bad could happen, but if my wife or daughter needed help, I'd want someone to do the same.

How do we get back to 'neighborliness and gallantry' and not fear repercussions of trying to do good?
 
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While I do not have a son, I think my first bit of advice would be to avoid public forums of strangers to help you guide the development of your son.
You say that, but the amount of forums dedicated to childhood development, especially in regards to education, are astounding. Shit, this is a childhood development forum in regards to shooting abilities (Appleseed, competitions, gun forums, hunting, fishing, etc.).
 
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You say that, but the amount of forums dedicated to childhood development, especially in regards to education, are astounding. Shit, this is a childhood development forum in regards to shooting abilities (Appleseed, competitions, gun forums, hunting, fishing, etc.).
You equate raising a child with improving shooting skills? Lol.....I'll leave you alone to get back to reading your copy of It Takes a Village
 

slap shot

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The superior officers’ current contract included raises that could have seen each of the department’s five captains earning $434,841 on average, city officials said. A compromise agreement reached last July would have lowered those salaries to about $188,206 on average per captain, officials said.
Actually, this is what's wrong with the world.

Methuen begins layoffs of 50 police officers
 

richc

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I really disagree with this statement. Raising a child is really hard. I have 3. And I could not have done so without the guidance and wisdom of many others. And to be sure there are some very good people here on NES who can provide insights.

There's an old adage that it takes a village to raise a child. I really didn't understand what that truly meant until I was raising my kids. My son learned his love of playing string instruments from the father of a friend, and the Mom of another friend. My middle daughter's career choice was influenced by a family friend, a Harvard trained MD (who, BTW, told my daughter not to go to med school, but rather into health care improvement). And my oldest was influenced by so many friends and family.

Certainly the OP can follow or ignore any advice given here on NES. But there will be some gold in that advice from members who care and we can all learn from that.

YMMV

Rich

While I do not have a son, I think my first bit of advice would be to avoid public forums of strangers to help you guide the development of your son.
 

richc

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When my son was 16 we got him an FID card. The chief, who we knew, told my son he trusted him enough to give him an FID card. But would take it away in a heartbeat if my son screwed up.

That was an important lesson in life, and he had a reason to be careful with his behavior.

I think that teaching my son to shoot does more than just make him an accurate marksman. It teaches him about safety, responsibility, etc
 
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You equate raising a child with improving shooting skills? Lol.....I'll leave you alone to get back to reading your copy of It Takes a Village
"Improving shooting skills" is a form of education. You have to learn how to shoot, just like you have to learn how to read, write, and think. Organizing shooting events for kids is not that dissimilar from other youth sports.

The best shooters in the world don't learn to be the best exclusively by going out 1-on-1 with their dad and shooting .22s into cans and beer bottles. They compete. Competition necessitates the presence of other people, whom you meet on forums like NES.
 
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I understand, I think, where you are coming from.

We’re such a litigious society.

In my practice, I have to be very careful what I say. I may have a really good idea about what is going to happen, based on experience, but I can’t say that to clients. I have to be very equivocating

I spent a week in the hospital last month. The doctors, I noticed, can only say so much. When I push them for an answer, they won’t or can’t say much. They won’t even give me odds.

It’s like talking to a lawyer. “Is this legal?” The standard answer is “we’ll find out in court. I might think it is, but it’s up to a judge or jury. So who knows. Let’s roll the dice”

Much of the world has devolved into this. It’s why I moved to the country. It’s the same in the country. It’s just not as advanced as it is in the city. NC is circa 1990s. But they’re catching up to the ma**h***s.

And as to advice? My son is turning 10. I’m just there for him. I take him shooting, I take him fishing, I teach him to play baseball and basketball. He’s learning how to throw knives now. Excellent Russian dude on YouTube for a teacher. Dang, he picked it up fast.

So, you be you. That’s all you can do.
 

mac1911

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I don’t get out much anymore, but Monday I held the door open for 3 20 somethings. It was like I was curing them of the plague. They said “no one does that any more”
As for helping road side, once I see s phone and everyone is ok I’m not sticking around . There’s plenty of help a phone call away these days. So the circumstances have to come into play.
 

enbloc

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Girls love chivalry, even if they won't admit it or understand what it means...
 

jct61765

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I really disagree with this statement. Raising a child is really hard. I have 3. And I could not have done so without the guidance and wisdom of many others. And to be sure there are some very good people here on NES who can provide insights.

There's an old adage that it takes a village to raise a child. I really didn't understand what that truly meant until I was raising my kids. My son learned his love of playing string instruments from the father of a friend, and the Mom of another friend. My middle daughter's career choice was influenced by a family friend, a Harvard trained MD (who, BTW, told my daughter not to go to med school, but rather into health care improvement). And my oldest was influenced by so many friends and family.

Certainly the OP can follow or ignore any advice given here on NES. But there will be some gold in that advice from members who care and we can all learn from that.

YMMV

Rich
Your children were influenced by friend's and family, not strangers on the internet.
 

mibro

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You pull over to help just like in the good old days. Then you ask them who they voted for. If the answer is "Hillary," get back in your truck and drive off.

JK. Sorta.
 

LittleCalm

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I understand, I think, where you are coming from.

We’re such a litigious society.

In my practice, I have to be very careful what I say. I may have a really good idea about what is going to happen, based on experience, but I can’t say that to clients. I have to be very equivocating

I spent a week in the hospital last month. The doctors, I noticed, can only say so much. When I push them for an answer, they won’t or can’t say much. They won’t even give me odds.

It’s like talking to a lawyer. “Is this legal?” The standard answer is “we’ll find out in court. I might think it is, but it’s up to a judge or jury. So who knows. Let’s roll the dice”

Much of the world has devolved into this. It’s why I moved to the country. It’s the same in the country. It’s just not as advanced as it is in the city. NC is circa 1990s. But they’re catching up to the ma**h***s.

And as to advice? My son is turning 10. I’m just there for him. I take him shooting, I take him fishing, I teach him to play baseball and basketball. He’s learning how to throw knives now. Excellent Russian dude on YouTube for a teacher. Dang, he picked it up fast.

So, you be you. That’s all you can do.
This is the problem. If the doc says you have a 15% chance of a bad outcome, then the patient thinks he or she has an 85% chance of a good outcome and when the bad happens they sue. That is why doctors, lawyers and most professionals have to hedge when giving advice. The bottom line is that humans are not equipped to handle a bad outcome and want to blame someone else for it. And of course, every profession has its bad apples that do deserve blame, so there is no good solution. But certainly the U.S. is worse than most other cultures when it comes to litigating over anything if the person thinks they can get a recovery. Like hot coffee spills from McDonalds.
 

JayMcB

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You pull over to help just like in the good old days. Then you ask them who they voted for. If the answer is "Hillary," get back in your truck and drive off.

JK. Sorta.
It would be an interesting test to see if I'd stop if I saw a 'nevertheless, she persisted' sticker on a car. Sad to say....at this point in time I think I'd beep and wave as i drove by
 
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This is the problem. If the doc says you have a 15% chance of a bad outcome, then the patient thinks he or she has an 85% chance of a good outcome and when the bad happens they sue. That is why doctors, lawyers and most professionals have to hedge when giving advice. The bottom line is that humans are not equipped to handle a bad outcome and want to blame someone else for it. And of course, every profession has its bad apples that do deserve blame, so there is no good solution. But certainly the U.S. is worse than most other cultures when it comes to litigating over anything if the person thinks they can get a recovery. Like hot coffee spills from McDonalds.
Exactly. Bush 2 asked for tort reform. To take some liability away from professionals. I understand why the doctor hedges everything. Same reason I hedge everything with my clients.

The bottom line is, that my clients don’t get the best service and the doctor doesn’t give me his best service because each of us is protecting ourselves.

The best advice my father ever gave me was

Protect yourself at all times!

True then. True now.
 

PennyPincher

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First and foremost, EVERYONE should trust their INSTINCTS. Read Gavin De Becker's book "The Gift of Fear."

If I think someone needs help and I am at all unsure I would pull over, keep my doors locked, gun hidden but easy access (so under a towel/jacket but in my lap vs holster) roll down my window, and ask if they needed help, can I call someone for them. Most times someone can get a friend/family to come pick them up and deal with the car trouble later. This gives me a chance to assess the situation and determine if I am going to offer more help.

I once saw a young (18?) girl in the road on the off ramp from Rt3 in Westford. Her car had overheated. Not sure if she had a cell phone. I think that was before "everyone" had one. She was obviously distraught and literally couldn't "decide" who to call. She was afraid her father would be upset. And maybe she was going somewhere she shouldn't have been. Anyway, I offered to call him for her and she accepted after I explained that most parents really are more concerned about their kid than any vehicle. I called him and he sounded very grateful. I even explained that she had been afraid to call him because "she damaged the car." (which SHE had not done, it simply had broken down) He ended up coming to get her and have the car towed and I kept her in my car until he showed up as it was cold out. But yeah, I went with my gut to start with.
 

Broccoli Iglesias

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OP, just tell your kid to not be an idiot and help if he wants to help.

A few weeks back I helped a couple of women change a tire. No big deal.

And if he is so paranoid of lawsuits, then the solution is simple: Dont help.
 

richc

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Ever read a book on raising children? Did you know the author? Ever watch a "supposed" child rearing expert on tv giving advice? Did you know them?

Me, I listen to most all and evaluate their advice. Some is dismissed, some is considered further and some I take to heart. Kinda like the Supreme Court definition of porn, it's hard to define but you know it when you see it.

NES is full of really nice folks with relevant experience. I've gotten great advice and opinions on many subjects from NES. And I believe most are providing the best of advice they have. NES is like a big, albeit at times dysfunctional family.

You and I may disagree on how to raise a child and that's fine. But I know I could learn from you and you could learn from me. Listening is a lost art and the best way to grow personally. I often learn from my own mistakes. But I've also found out it's really valuable to learn from the mistakes of others as well.

YMMV

Your children were influenced by friend's and family, not strangers on the internet.
 

jct61765

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Ever read a book on raising children? Did you know the author? Ever watch a "supposed" child rearing expert on tv giving advice? Did you know them?

Me, I listen to most all and evaluate their advice. Some is dismissed, some is considered further and some I take to heart. Kinda like the Supreme Court definition of porn, it's hard to define but you know it when you see it.

NES is full of really nice folks with relevant experience. I've gotten great advice and opinions on many subjects from NES. And I believe most are providing the best of advice they have. NES is like a big, albeit at times dysfunctional family.

You and I may disagree on how to raise a child and that's fine. But I know I could learn from you and you could learn from me. Listening is a lost art and the best way to grow personally. I often learn from my own mistakes. But I've also found out it's really valuable to learn from the mistakes of others as well.

YMMV
To each his own. I have a few family members and very few close friends I’d take advice from for anything. Maybe we’re relying on the internet to much. Maybe interact with people instead of faceless people on a forum. I’d have to know someone very well and trust them before I take their advice. That’s me, I’m old fashioned. I’m not taking advice about my children from someone I don’t know.
 

Dadstoys

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In the case of someone broke down on the side of the road , unless it's some elderly person with a walker just call *911 and report it.
The Chief is right , it's not the same world. I don't do a lot of the things I would never have given a second thought to.
In a case like the lady in the parking lot , yes I would have done the same as the guy who helped out and hope it wasn't a beef between husband and wife and ending up in the shit over it.
Every time someone gets in a jam and people just keep walking, thank a liberal.
 

jct61765

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In the case of someone broke down on the side of the road , unless it's some elderly person with a walker just call *911 and report it.
The Chief is right , it's not the same world. I don't do a lot of the things I would never have given a second thought to.
In a case like the lady in the parking lot , yes I would have done the same as the guy who helped out and hope it wasn't a beef between husband and wife and ending up in the shit over it.
Every time someone gets in a jam and people just keep walking, thank a liberal.
I don’t know if you can even blame liberals. People don’t respect each other like they used to. When’s the last time anyone picked up a hitchhiker? When’s the last time anyone has even seen one?
 

jrpascucci

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How do we get back to 'neighborliness and gallantry' and not fear repercussions of trying to do good?
This is what being Catholic is (supposed to be) about. Martyrdom, self-sacrifice for love of others, suffering injustice for the sake of justice, we make up (perfect) in our own bodies what is left incomplete by the singular Sacrifice (it is left incomplete because God wants us to be like Him, and gives us many opportunities to do so, to die on our own Cross, every day).

Despite what atheists, theists, deists, and agnostics may argue, it is this, precisely, that the Western world as we know it was built on: before the world and separate from it is a trinity of persons in one Godhead, and they each have a singular, special relationship with mankind. Those first groups ignore the benefits that naturally came to them because of the many who held the faith that came before, and receive what was given as if it is theirs by right, and they can choose what is good and evil, as if 'I think therefore I am' was the earliest and most important part of the history of the world.

Insofar as you defect from the true measure of man - the Lord who is Alpha and Omega - and we pretty much all do - you replace the good of creation and recreation with the emptiness of the world, which rushes in to "fill the void". (Of course, no amount of emptiness can fill anything, but it seems people keep on trying!)

For those who hold a faith rooted in truth (over-against a faith rooted in the will, like Muslims or Protestants), you just don't live with that element of fear of the repercussions that can be meted out in this world by those of the world. A good death is a minor inconvenience. Certainly, it is best to live, but better yet to live in justice. A lawsuit or jail time for doing the right thing is, indeed, precisely what should happen to every Christian: if you're not getting in trouble with 'the world' for doing 'the Good', you probably aren't doing enough good.

So, I say: your expressed problem of what you teach your son isn't amenable to philosophical or cultural arguments, it's not something that can be answered by asking people, it's religious in nature.

Speaking to the "Jews who had believed in Him", Jesus said “If you continue in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.” This promise wasn't made to everybody, but to those who had been invited/intrigued by the presence of the Immanuel, God-with-us.
 
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