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Future Novelists...

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by Adam_MA, Feb 1, 2006.

  1. Adam_MA

    Adam_MA

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    These are actual analogies and metaphors
    found in high school essays


    Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two
    other sides gently compressed by a thigh master.

    His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking
    alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

    He spoke with wisdom that can only come from experience,
    like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar
    eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and
    now goes around the country speaking about the dangers of
    looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a
    pinhole in it.

    She grew on him like E. coli and he was room temperature
    Canadian beef.

    She had a deep throaty genuine laugh like that sound a dog
    makes just before he throws up.

    Her vocabulary was as bad, as, like, whatever.

    He was a tall as a six foot three inch tree.

    The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had
    disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a
    rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge free
    ATM.

    The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the
    way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

    McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a hefty
    bag filled with vegetable soup.

    From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had
    an eerie surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in
    another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7 pm instead of 7:30.

    Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

    The hailstones leaped up off the pavement, just like maggots
    when you fry them in hot grease.

    Long separated by cruel fate, the star crossed lovers raced
    across a grassy field toward each other like two freight
    trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at
    55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35
    mph.

    They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket
    fences that resemble Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

    John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds
    who had also never met.

    He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she
    was the east river.

    Even in his last years, grandpappy had a mind like a steel
    trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted
    shut.

    Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

    The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But
    unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

    Young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not
    eating for a while.

    "Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like
    a college freshman on $1-a-beer night.

    He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck,
    either, but a really duck that was actually lame. Maybe
    from stepping on a landmine or something.

    The Ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one
    slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

    It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids with
    power tools.

    He was deeply in love when she spoke, he thought he heard
    bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

    She was as easy as the TV guide crossword.

    Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to
    put in any pH cleanser.

    She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing
    legs.

    Her voice had that tense grating quality, like a generation
    thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightening.

    It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally
    staple it to the wall.
     

  2. FPrice

    FPrice Retired Zoomie NES Life Member NES Member

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    Those are funny!
     
  3. C-pher

    C-pher

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    These really had me on the floor.

     
  4. Lynne

    Lynne

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    [lol] [lol] [lol]
     
  5. Skald

    Skald

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    sent these to my American Lit II teacher who also teaches a lot of the comp courses at the college and is gonna use some of them.
     

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