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Funny not what they expected to hear thread..

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by capewalk, Jun 21, 2019.

  1. capewalk

    capewalk NES Member

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    I'll bet there are plenty of stories like mine out there and I'd like to hear them.

    While working for local oil company delivering diesel fuel I would occasionally be called upon to make a heating oil delivery for a run out customer while in the area. The company didn't make as much money on the delivery but it was cheaper to use diesel than send a truck from another area. I arrive at the customers house and position myself to make the pull as easy as possible. I throw the hose over my shoulder and start my pull. I'm about two thirds of the way to the fill pipe when two dogs come charging out from behind the house barking like crazy. Not really typical of their breed "labradors" they are losing their minds over my presence. I'm not in the least bit concerned because I know that generally you don't worry about dogs that bark. The ones you need to worry about are generally on you like white on rice before you even know they are there.

    I do know that moving is not in my best interest so I stay still holding the hose in my hands. The owner comes running out of the house calling the dogs names. When he gets to me he grabs both dogs by their collars and secures them. Now looking at me in my calm demeanor he says you weren't scared one bit were you? So instead of giving him the readers digest version of what I just told you I say...I have diesel fuel and I know how to use it. His facial expression was priceless. He was a first shocked then I'm sure a little angry at the prospect of having his dogs diesel fuel covered. I knew it wasn't going to come to that and after a moment to think about it he did too. They would have eventually grown tired of barking at the statue I'd become and seeing I was no threat given up.

    He came out to pay of the delivery and we had a laugh about it. I told him it happens from time to time and that the best way to handle it is to stay still and start talking to the dogs. Soon they understand you're not a threat and retreat. I almost always bring a treat for the dog(s) back with the meter ticket. So what's your not what they expected story?
     
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  2. additionalmc

    additionalmc NES Member

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    a few years ago some young men hanging outside the 7/11 asked me for some money as I was going in, I said, how about you give "me" some money? the big kid choked up and didn't know what to say, they were gone when I came back out
     
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  3. garandman

    garandman Instructor NES Member

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    Used to bring my large Lab to work every day. Hired a woman who did not like it. She didn’t hate the dog or a thing, just one of those neat freaks.

    One afternoon she was alone in the office and what she described as a “Very shifty” guy walked in. While she was talking to him, he was looking all around the office, freaking her out even more.

    A few seconds later she heard a “Grrrrrrrrr.” My dog was standing there, head down, growling, locked on to him like he was a steak. The guy took one look and said “Gotta go!” and left.

    She became a big fan that day, and he got a new title: Director of Security.
     
  4. looser38

    looser38 NES Member

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    Years ago, while on break at work, we were outside enjoying the weather, and a passerby asked a co-worker if he had an "extra cigarette". So the co-worker pulled his pack of smokes out, opens it, and started counting, 1,2,3, etc, etc. He gets to 18 and says to the passerby, " this was a brand new pack this morning, and I've had 2 already, 18 left, " nope, no extras", then just turned around and started to laugh. The look on the guys face was priceless.
     
  5. Skysoldier

    Skysoldier Forum Curmudgeon NES Member

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    I used to get a kick out of the kids in Mansfield...."Hey Man, You got a smoke."

    I would pull out a pack and say, "Sure...you got a dollar?"
     
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  6. additionalmc

    additionalmc NES Member

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    my wfie asked me to get her a soda, I asked if she wanted a glass, she said no I'll take it in the can
     
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  7. cams

    cams NES Member

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    Years ago, I was maybe early 30’s at the time, and assigned to the motorcycle unit in town. We all got ordered in for the marathon crowds and traffic control. I was sitting in Kenmore Square with some other bikes, @lowbuckbob was with me I’m sure, sweating my ass off, tired, cranky, and sick of dealing with drunk college kids.

    So I’m sitting/leaning up against my bike having a cigarette. Whatever. I’m not grandfathered so wasn’t allowed to use any tobacco products at all, on or off duty, retarded policy because we weren’t even covered by the Heart Bill, I never cared about it and always made a point to light up in front of command staff just to say “look I’m not hiding, this is me”, most of them didn’t care either and thought I was a little crazy.

    So here I am, and one of my deputy chiefs walks over, he was a hatchet man, all 5’6” and 130lbs of him, always looking to f*** with other cops and he and I never got along from day 01. He asks how long I’ve been on (even in my 30’s I looked like I was barely 21) and I tell him. He then says “You’re not grandfathered! You know you can be fired for that?!”

    I took another drag and said “Go ahead Sir. Fire me. I’m a grown man, I’m a combat vet, and I’m smoking a f***ing cigarette, I ain’t out here getting high or beating women or selling drugs, so you can hop your happy little ass on this 1K lb motorcycle and take it back to HQ for me. I got a party I’m missing right now and I can get a ride home in 5 mins if you want.”

    The look on his face was priceless and still makes me smile to this day. We hated each other. But, I give him credit, he threw up his arms and started walking away saying “Jesus Christ you don’t have to go crazy on me!”

    Absolutely expected to be suspended for at least 3 days after that if not outright fired the next day. Didn’t care. Never heard another word about it. Wasn’t crazy about the job anyways, just something to keep my kids fed and bills paid.
     
  8. StevieP

    StevieP NES Member

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    A while back I was working for a computer reseller based in Natick. We had a large open room, with cubicles around the outside wall, and basically a HUGE empty area in the middle of the room. I was pulling Ethernet cable (or maybe it was LocalTalk wiring?) to get everyone networked. The cable was like the ONLY thing on the floor for thirty feet in any direction. One of the ladies in the office still found a way to trip on it. She didn't fall. Just caught her foot on it. She started grousing about "Who left this cable in the way? I tripped and could have been hurt! Blah, blah, blah."

    I walked out of the server room and as dead-pan as I could, just said "Clumsy bitch."

    You could hear uproarious laughter from EVERY cubicle. Even she had to admit it was pretty funny.
     
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  9. jaymce

    jaymce

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    I have plenty from the dealership days.
    1st time I quit
    Manager:
    I'll make sure you never work in another dealership anywhere in the area.

    Me:
    Well.... I hear that this is the best group in the area to work for? Right?

    Man:
    That's right, it is!

    Me:
    Ok, I believe that. If this is the best the industry has to offer then I have no interest in being in this industry.

    Manager had no reply just sat there for a while with his eyes blinking and mouth opening and closing like a gold fish.
     
  10. lowbuckbob

    lowbuckbob NES Member

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    I remember the incident and I know just who you're talking about. LOL
     
  11. cams

    cams NES Member

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    ^^^ Good times old friend.
     
  12. garandman

    garandman Instructor NES Member

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    I was at the Staples on Morrissey Blvd with a 2 axle boat trailer. It’s one way. I’m at the exit from the parking lot and an a**h*** in a car with NY plates pulls up on my right. Now because of Trailer off-track, I can’t move.

    He pulls out and then I can go, so wind up next to him at the light. Windows are open so I say “Way to represent.” He says “Represent what?” And I say “New York.”

    For whatever reason, he responds, “f*** Trump.”

    “Nobody here likes Trump. HE’S FROM NEW YORK!”

    Jaw drop....
     
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  13. Len-2A Training

    Len-2A Training Instructor Instructor NES Life Member NES Member

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    I love it!

    A few good ones:
    - New chief's secretary messed up the effective date on my LTC renewal (this was in 1980s-so paper copies that were laminated and about the size of a dollar bill), so MSP used white-out on the date and expired it a year early. I told the chief that I couldn't accept the LTC and that no FFL should ever accept one where it is evident that the dates had been changed. I called MSP and explained and they told me to have the chief send a note with the LTC back to them and they would re-issue properly. The chief told me that I was being a PITA . . . I just smiled. Then I told him that if I didn't have it before my current one expired that I would refuse to work as a PT PO (he knew that every time he got in a pinch for a detail or shift that I accepted it) . . . he said that I could carry on the badge. I told him that I knew that I could but I was telling him that I WOULD NOT do it. He was furious! I did get the new LTC before expiration (there was no grace period back in those days IIRC).

    - EOPS had one hard-ass anti-2A attorney who was asst. general counsel. She had attacked me on a private LE-only eList regarding a MGL question (yes, I was correct and she was making stuff up). Someone on NES piped up that they could buy/carry new post-ban mags and nobody would care, I responded that I knew of one ASS general counsel who would care. At 9PM that night I received a private Email from said attorney advising me that she was no longer the ass general counsel but now the deputy general counsel! [rofl]Needless to say she read NES on a regular basis and we had a mutual disrespect for each other. As an aside, I just read a trilogy of books by an author who is a retired homicide detective sergeant, Portland (ME) PD. He refers to the asst chief as the ASS chief thru-out the books, doesn't offer any explanation of the term . . . but for those of us who have served, no explanation is needed. Bruce Robert Coffin, Amazon.com: Bruce Robert Coffin - Detective Byron [He spoke locally a few months ago and some of the places mentioned in his stories are familiar to me, we have vacationed in Portland, ate in one of the same restaurants, walked the waterfront, etc. as he mentions in his books. Cool stuff.]

    - I was always a PT PO, so we were re-appointed annually by the selectmen. I'm working a detail at the high school and one of our selectmen arrives late, finds no legal parking space so she parks at the bottom of a row of angle parking such that nobody in that row could exit, they would all have to back up the entire row and exit out another row. I told her she had to move her car and she gives me shit (pulling privilege). I reiterated and told her that if she left it there I'd have it towed. Finally she looks at me and says "You're serious, aren't you?" Yes! She moved it. At the end of the detail I told the shift Sgt what happened and he damn near had a stroke (he's a good guy) . . . "you did what to whom" type stuff. I just looked at him and said "I don't rely on this job for a weekly paycheck like you do, I'm going to do my job and if she doesn't like it, she can vote against re-appointing me". I was reappointed for many years after that!
     
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  14. wilson911

    wilson911

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    So my unexpected story: I clicked on a post titled "funny not what they expected" and read a story about a guy that froze when he was barked at then discussed it with the owner after the incident.

    What else would you do? Literally the most expected outcome possible.
     
  15. drgrant

    drgrant Moderator NES Member

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  16. wilson911

    wilson911

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    I wish I could give you more than one Like for this.
     
  17. fencer

    fencer NES Member

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    Many years ago, I lived in Weymouth, right near Columbian square. It was winter, and we had just had a heavy snowfall. My older brother had asked me to walk to the square for him and grab him a pack of Camels.
    I decided to take his German Shepard for a walk with me, He was a great dog. Always friendly and big for a GS.

    Well the snow banks were huge, at least three feet tall, and the shop owners always shoveled a path through the bank in front of the store to the cleared sidewalk. When I went into the store, I tied Ziggy's ( short for ZigZag, my brothers favorite rolling papers ) to a sign post, about 3 feet from the path.
    I was shooting the breeze with people, and folks were petting the dog, who was as happy as could be, then I went into the store.
    As I was coming out, a black guy was walking through the path onto the sidewalk. As soon as he saw the black guy, the dog went ballistic, pulling on the leash and barking while baring his formidable teeth.
    Well, the guy nearly shit his pants. He jumped straight up onto the snow bank, like in one swift move. He looked like his eyes were going to bulge out of his head and yelled at me in a loud voice, "Gott damn! Ain't your dog never seen a black man before!" I was laughing my ass off, while I grabbed the dog's leash and apologized profusely. He said, "it's ok. My dog acts the same way whenever he sees white people"
    I still chuckle to myself when I think about it.
     
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  18. capewalk

    capewalk NES Member

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    You really need to work on your reading comprehension.
     
  19. GaryO

    GaryO NES Member

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    Don't kid yourself about the "barking dogs don't bite", my dog barks and will take the throat out of someone he perceives as a threat.
     
  20. capewalk

    capewalk NES Member

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    You need to re read it. That's not what I said at all. Neither of the canines in question were displaying behavior that I would see as a concern. I stopped and didn't retreat. I actually started talking to them. I said something like..what's summmata puppy? Is the scary oil man in the yard? Do I smell like an old dinosaur? At that point I was getting the i dunno what to make of this guy look from them as the owner approached. I'm not under the delusion that a barking dog won't bite. I do know the last thing I should have done it that situation is retreat.
     
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  21. tuna

    tuna NES Member

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    I was working the Ops Desk during Iraqi Freedom in 2003, and HQ called ya for a radio check.

    “Yankee ops, this is whoever I can’t remember the call sign, radio check, how do you read?”
    I answered, “This is Yankee Ops, we read left to right in English, right to left in Arabic and top to bottom in Chinese, how Copy?”
    “...........uh, loud and clear, out”
     
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