Drill Sergeant and Trainer quotes?

[garandman]

Business Insider has an article on one liners by DI's. But it's kind of lame. This one was pretty good:

"If I could kill one last person - it would be you!"
and
"If you don't get back in step, I will light you on fire!"

Surely you can do better? I have a few.

"I want it so ****ing quiet I can hear a rat piss on cotton!"
SFC George Jones, Ft Benning 1981

"Rangers, once we give you this Ranger Tab, no one can never take it away. But if you ever get fat, I hope you ****in' die!"
CSM, Camp Darby April 1983.

SFC Jones explaining to me, a brand-new (I mean, like one day new) Corporal, what my job was at OSUT. "Your job is to be the meanest MF'er in the Army!"

 

[Picton]

Fort Sill, summer 1994. We'd been there maybe six weeks, so the end was in sight. We were waiting outside the chow hall with SSG Lapasnick, who was the DS team's "bad cop." He glares at us.

"Hey privates, getting sick of being here? Feeling sorry for yourselves?" he snarls. "Want to see some pussy?" Then he spits on the ground and grins at us. "That's what it looks like."

 

[chrbla2000]

Not quite a one-liner, but this one stuck in my head 20+ years later:

My platoon milling about after chow, my buddy Campbell and I talking, he had his hands in his pockets
SSGT Eversol: "CAMPBELL, Get your Goddamn dick beaters out of your POCKETS!"
Campbell complies, looking a bit like a kicked dog
SSGT Eversol: "Now, open your mouth and put in your right hand... ALL THE GODDAMN WAY!"
Campbell is trying to comply, I'm trying not to laugh and get included
SSGT Eversol: "Now add your left hand, DO IT!"
Campbell continues to try, but now he's trying to stuff 2 hands in his mouth, I'm practically going into convulsions trying not to laugh at this point.
SSGT Eversol" "THAT'S WHAT YOUR POCKET FEELS LIKE!" and storms off.

-chris

 

[duarteus]

Not quite a one-liner, but this one stuck in my head 20+ years later:

My platoon milling about after chow, my buddy Campbell and I talking, he had his hands in his pockets
SSGT Eversol: "CAMPBELL, Get your Goddamn dick beaters out of your POCKETS!"
Campbell complies, looking a bit like a kicked dog
SSGT Eversol: "Now, open your mouth and put in your right hand... ALL THE GODDAMN WAY!"
Campbell is trying to comply, I'm trying not to laugh and get included
SSGT Eversol: "Now add your left hand, DO IT!"
Campbell continues to try, but now he's trying to stuff 2 hands in his mouth, I'm practically going into convulsions trying not to laugh at this point.
SSGT Eversol" "THAT'S WHAT YOUR POCKET FEELS LIKE!" and storms off.

-chris

 

[76Too]

SSgt. Downing "Williams, you ****ing old piece of shit...wrap your finger around that bayonet lug one more time and i'm going to break it off in your ass"

Me "Aye, SIR, Recieved SIR, Good Afternoon, SIR!"

SSgt. Downing "Yut, so **** me, right recruit?"

Me "No SIR!"

SSgt. Downing "Yut, so ****ing old as long as don't have a heart attack i'll be OKAY, right recruit?"

Me "NO, SIR!"

SSgt. Downing "I'm going to make your ****ing heart explode"

Me "Aye, SIR!"

and back to drilling like nothing happenned...

 

[chris_1001]

Those were priceless!!!

 

[frenchman]

"You call that clean? Did you smoke ass hair or something?" (Sgt Perreira)
"if you miss. I will hit you in the kidneys with a shovel" (Sgt Moser)
"guys, if that left turn won't work next time, I will make you turn until we find oil" (Sgt Perez-Pia)
"Tonight's dinner will be replaced with a short blow of my shiny new whistle" (Sgt Moser)

 

[In God We Trust]

Although there were tons of funny quotes and lots of yelling and screaming obscenities, The one quote that stuck out in my memory is "You quittin' on me?"

My Senior drill Sgt. (SFC Stevens Fort Benning 1998) Would quietly ask you that when you were sucking ass on a run, road march whatever. The dude would appear out of nowhere as if by magic when you were about to fall out and quietly (yes quietly!) say "You quittin' on me, <insert last name>?" It was strangely motivating. More so than all the "shit, cock, dick" yelling Drills are famous for.

 

[Boris]

"You call that clean? Did you smoke ass hair or something?" (Sgt Perreira)
"if you miss. I will hit you in the kidneys with a shovel" (Sgt Moser)
"guys, if that left turn won't work next time, I will make you turn until we find oil" (Sgt Perez-Pia)
"Tonight's dinner will be replaced with a short blow of my shiny new whistle" (Sgt Moser)

en francais s'il vou plait?

Here is that scene from FMJ with French subtitles, it seriously cracks me up: "Tu suces les mecs? Pompeur de dards?" It just sounds incredibly odd

[video=youtube_share;71Lft6EQh-Y]http://youtu.be/71Lft6EQh-Y?t=3m28s[/video]

 

[jhagberg88]

"I'm not saying your gay, I'm saying your showing signs and symptoms," DS Caudill, Fort Sam Houston 2006.

 

[CoastieRon]

Recruit! Are you looking at my wife's tits?,! GM1 Martin, 1990. "Sir, yes Sir!!!!" SA Simoneau, 1990

 

[Andy in NH]

"Do you know how good I can hear with one eye?" - A Black Hat Instructor at Ft. Benning circa 1991 after catching numerous Airborne students talking among themselves at parade rest while in formation. He had lost an eye to an accident with a practice grenade fuse.

"Move out and draw fire!" - Co. GySgt. to a Sgt. after questioning the Gunny's ridiculous and idiotic plan for accomplishing a certain mundane garrison task.

"If you gear is ****ed up, you are ****ed up!" Same GySgt. berating a LCpl because his canteens were not dummy-corded correctly.

"Platoon size elements of the 44th Anal Intercourse Brigade have been infiltrating our rear areas." - Plt. Sgt. stating the enemy situation of a five-paragraph order during a training exercise.

Here is that scene from FMJ with French subtitles, it seriously cracks me up: "Tu suces les mecs? Pompeur de dards?" It just sounds incredibly odd

The FMJ scene dubbed in German has a strangely humorous quality to it also:

 

[Bcamos]

Pvt Pyle (real name was thorson or something. But he looked and acted like Pyle so that's what we called him) - " drill sergeant, it appears that someone has defecated in a sock and placed it in my locker" (said while at parade rest holding sock of shit in left hand)

DS Schooner - "Dude are you ****ing kidding me?"

Pyle - "I don't think so drill sergeant"

DS schooner - "why the **** are you holding it then?"

(Pyle then goes to place the sock on the floor)

DS schooner - " DO NOT place that goddamn thing on my floor Thorson, I'll make you ****ing eat it if even a speck of shit hits that white tile."

After pacing around a bit

DS schooner - "what kind of magical ****ing shit is this? I've seen how you *******s shoot. There's no way any one of you aimed your ******* perfectly over a tube sock. But regardless, it looks like we have a secret squirrel sock shitter."


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[Lip]

All I remember was Push. I swear push was the only word my di's knew.

 

[M60]

First day at Parris Island. Drill Instructor knocks me out. I wake up and stand up at attention like all in the squad bay, wondering what that was for. Drill Instructor makes his way back to my end of the squad bay again and says " that was for sweating without permission bitch. When I come back you'd better not still be bleeding without permission".

 

[garandman]

When I was a Corporal in a Basic unit at Fort Benning, one of the recruits tried to commit suicide by slashing his wrist: with a safety razor. He had little scratches on his wrist.

The First Sergeant stood him at attention in front of the mirror next to the orderly room, and said "Stand here and watch yourself bleed to death." They sent him on his way a day or two later.

- - - Updated - - -

Just thought of one my brother told me from Marine Corps OCS. He was supposed to be giving commands to the Platoon, and the DI said "You're big enough to hunt bear with a switch. Now lets hear some command voice!"

 

[inerlogic]

was it me or was it f****** hot there in the summer of '94?
i was there Jul-Nov for basic then AIT... A 1/33 and A 2/80

"pain is only weakness leaving the body"
"my feet hurt too"

Fort Sill, summer 1994. We'd been there maybe six weeks, so the end was in sight. We were waiting outside the chow hall with SSG Lapasnick, who was the DS team's "bad cop." He glares at us.

"Hey privates, getting sick of being here? Feeling sorry for yourselves?" he snarls. "Want to see some pussy?" Then he spits on the ground and grins at us. "That's what it looks like."

 

[Picton]

was it me or was it f****** hot there in the summer of '94?
i was there Jul-Nov for basic then AIT... A 1/33 and A 2/80

"pain is only weakness leaving the body"
"my feet hurt too"

PM inbound.

I also remember horrible weather during the bivouac, with little sprays of water flying off the insides of the shelter half as massive hailstones came down. Weird night.

My other big DS quote from that summer was my platoon SDS. He was from PR, and when he tried to call us "you f'ing a-holes" it came out as "choo fookeen gasholes."

Good times.

 

[cockpitbob]

late night wakeup call:
"Drop your cocks and grab your socks!"

 

[inerlogic]

PM inbound.

I also remember horrible weather during the bivouac, with little sprays of water flying off the insides of the shelter half as massive hailstones came down. Weird night.

My other big DS quote from that summer was my platoon SDS. He was from PR, and when he tried to call us "you f'ing a-holes" it came out as "choo fookeen gasholes."

Good times.

Yeh i remember that guy and thanking god I didn't have him as a DS.......

DS from another platoon while I was there was in the pauly shore movie..... He's standing on top of a wooden platform while they're doing grass drill I believe....

And the guys that cut our hair cut the hair in the movie...


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[jamesvt]

"I'm going to stick my arm up your ass, rip out your soul, shove in it your urethra and watch it fester like an std!"
"Looks like a one armed midget came in here and and rolled these shirts and made these beds!"
They two one liners that stand out from my time during BMT.

 

[zyx123]

USMC OCS at Quantico - Summer 1974. Standing on the grinder with arms extended in front, parallel to the deck and to each other, with M-14's resting on our fingertips.

"Candidates, you don't understand. This is mind over matter. I don't mind, and you don't matter."

 

[M60]

D.I. That was for sweating without permission. When I come back you'd better not still be bleeding without permission.

 

[Manomet]

"Boy, are you ate up with the dumb ass?" SSgt Laverne Lackland AFB 1975. I must have heard that a 1000 times. I was dorm chief and had to walk around with him at inspection. He would walk up to a locker, look at the recruit, look in the locker, reach in and undue a button or some other violation, wink at me, and then start screaming at the guy just to see how he could handle it.

 

[Stakis3]

Chubby kid couldn't get over one of the walls on the Confidence Course on PI . . .

"Don't worry Hillard, I don't blame you, I blame your parents, too many f****ing video games" -SSgt Monroe

 

[M60]

USMC OCS at Quantico - Summer 1974. Standing on the grinder with arms extended in front, parallel to the deck and to each other, with M-14's resting on our fingertips.

"Candidates, you don't understand. This is mind over matter. I don't mind, and you don't matter."

You were still using M14's for training in 1974?

 

[zyx123]

You were still using M14's for training in 1974?

Yes, we sure were. Once I got to The Basic School in 1975 we were all issued M-16's but in the summer of 1974 it was all M-14's, all the time.

 

[Robbie]

In basic submarine school this one guy from California would ask all these oddball what if questions. Chief Sully finally had enough"You could shit in the Captains sink and cross connect it to the 700 lb air system and blow it out the ship's whistle but what good would it do?"
During a software upgrade to the computer center at the Attack Center at SUBTRAFAC San Diego the contracor was trying to establish a common bond with us sailors. He mentioned he served in the military,US Air Force. When he asked any questions. One of the First Class Fts asked" Is it true in the Air Force you get issued pajamas?"
One of the reasons I was glad to go to the Submarine Force. While attending FT "A" school at Great Lakes one of our watches was outside Fire and Security Roving watch. The buidings were right on Lake Michigan in Oct-Dec that wind would really put a bit of chill in the air. You would wear your undress blues(these were the old wool ones with 13 buttons),working jacket with your peacoat over it. You couldn't wear your watch cap had to wear your white hat. When Master Chief Vic Submarine FTG Master Chief briefed us how to stand the watch and uniforms etc." If it was me when I was outside roving were nobody could see me I would have that watch cap on and when I came into the quarterdeck to make my report I'd pull my white hat outa my peacoat pocket and shove my watch cap in my pocket." Common sense an uncommon virtue.

 

[paracarry]

Lackland AFB 1979 , DI if you dont get in line i will rip your eyeballs out and skull fu** you.and the usual your from Texas, the only thing in Texas is steers and queers and i don't see no horns on you.

 

[garandman]

" If it was me when I was outside roving were nobody could see me I would have that watch cap on and when I came into the quarterdeck to make my report I'd pull my white hat outa my peacoat pocket and shove my watch cap in my pocket." Common sense an uncommon virtue.

"Mission first, men always." Good on him.