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Divorce

Warrior1A

Warrior1A

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Going through divorce, my wife filed in May. I came home early one day, without her knowledge, and moved all of my firearms to a friends house, where they are secured to this day. My intent was to avoid any issues as we are still residing in the house together, until the divorce is finalized. She’s coming after my military pension, and the difference between my truck and the Explorer I gave her, and now her lawyer has asked mine to ensure I retain all my firearms. We suspect that she wants me to get an appraisal done. Would love to hear some recommendations.
 
Warrior1A said:
Going through divorce, my wife filed in May. I came home early one day, without her knowledge, and moved all of my firearms to a friends house, where they are secured to this day. My intent was to avoid any issues as we are still residing in the house together, until the divorce is finalized. She’s coming after my military pension, and the difference between my truck and the Explorer I gave her, and now her lawyer has asked mine to ensure I retain all my firearms. We suspect that she wants me to get an appraisal done. Would love to hear some recommendations.
Click to expand...

Delete this thread and sell your guns to an out of state friend for $1?
 
Warrior1A said:
Going through divorce, my wife filed in May. I came home early one day, without her knowledge, and moved all of my firearms to a friends house, where they are secured to this day. My intent was to avoid any issues as we are still residing in the house together, until the divorce is finalized. She’s coming after my military pension, and the difference between my truck and the Explorer I gave her, and now her lawyer has asked mine to ensure I retain all my firearms. We suspect that she wants me to get an appraisal done. Would love to hear some recommendations.
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Bro, I’m sorry. I’m going through some heavy shit right now too, but nothing like what you are. Hang in there and I’m here if you want to talk...I know you don’t know me from Adam, but I’m a good listener.
 
She doesn't know how many you have or what they are does she? Does she have her LTC? There are no records of what guns you own, she can't prove anything and neither can her lawyer if she didn't have access or interest in them. I think you sold most of them to pay for her explorer didn't you? Maybe you only have two or three now right, maybe a 10/22, a taurus handgun, and a cheap shotgun, maybe a hi-point? That would be my approach. If she's being a c*** about it give it right back. The safe is empty right? Maybe bring 2 or 3 cheap sacrificial guns back home under the radar to make it look good. Maybe she is gonna go for a 209a and the lawyer wants a list to give to the cops too, so be careful.
 
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Does she have anything of value? Jewelry, retirement, Savings account, 401K? It all needs to be on the table.

Sorry you are going through this.

When I got divorced years ago I had a low paying job and my ex made big money. He was pushing me to sell the house and give him half saying that was fair. I finally told him if I had to sell the house then I wanted half of all his stock options, investments and 401k. He opted to keep his money. He took 3 of the 4 cars and almost all of the furniture. Did not have to pay any spousal support to me. I kept the house and bounced back financially. I would have been totally screwed if I went with his plan.
 
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Pension is split (crazy right? lol)
Difference between two normal vehicles is petty
Firearms I would have a friend keep for a little just in case she uses the restraining order as a weapon.
But this is why you are paying the lawyer.. and probably hers ;)
 
Rhetorical question (a question that you only think of the answer in your own head):

I bet you want to kill her, right?

Don't answer that.

She will likely try to bait you to act violently against her.
She would like nothing more than for you to attack her.

Do some scenarios in you head with her getting nasty and you NOT attacking her.

Inoculate yourself against this attack she is planning.

Don't drink or it will make you out of control.
She wants that.

Get a lawyer like the ones who know firearms law to protect your guns - if they are valuable.

You really need a divorce lawyer for the other stuff.

Keep cool and good luck.
 
Cowgirlup said:
Does she have anything of value? Jewelry, retirement, Savings account, 401K? It all needs to be on the table.

Sorry you are going through this.

When I got divorced years ago I had a low paying job and my ex made big money. He was pushing me to sell the house and give him half saying that was fair. I finally told him if I had to sell the house then I wanted half of all his stock options, investments and 401k. He opted to keep his money. He took 3 of the 4 cars and almost all of the furniture. Did not have to pay any spousal support to me. I kept the house and bounced back financially. I would have been totally screwed if I went with his plan.
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Sounds like you did pretty well. Must be nice to be able to shake a dude down like that.
 
Just give her what she wants, and never see her again. You'll bounce back faster than you think. If you have anything of sentimental value, sell it to a friend. Everything else is easily replaceable.
See if you can have your lawyer hold off giving half your pension until you are retired and collecting it. Then work as long as you can. I know a guy that did that, worked until he was 75. She didn't get anything for years. He kept working out of spite. Dedication.

And only because you should have saw this coming:
1634838512535AZ.png
 
Typically in Mass all accounts will be divided 50-50 including retirement. Tangible goods are valued and then equally divided by value. They may be sold in order to make this happen but don't have to be. Bottom line is always 50-50 division for marriages of any duration like five years or more, even if the property was owned before marriage - yes that is true.

Did you list a value for the guns on your financial statement? If not, good. When you do put ' unknown'. Simply say you don't know for sure because the truth is you don't know precisely. If asked to estimate say you can't you have no idea. Maybe you bought them a long time ago. No where does it say you have to guess.

They may ask for an appraisal and you should decline. Make them try to get a court order. Probably won't get one.

Also avoid discussing the value with your attorney as well. They are there to represent you but are looking out for themselves when it comes to getting paid.

Good luck, Keep your head up and don't try to rush this, you will be better off.
 
moojpg2 said:
She doesn't know how many you have or what they are does she? Does she have her LTC? There are no records of what guns you own, she can't prove anything and neither can her lawyer if she didn't have access or interest in them. I think you sold most of them to pay for her explorer didn't you? Maybe you only have two or three now right, maybe a 10/22, a taurus handgun, and a cheap shotgun, maybe a hi-point? That would be my approach. If she's being a c*** about it give it right back. The safe is empty right? Maybe bring 2 or 3 cheap sacrificial guns back home under the radar to make it look good. Maybe she is gonna go for a 209a and the lawyer wants a list to give to the cops too, so be careful.
Click to expand...
You know, that is some damned good advice. Leave a few inexpensive, easily-replaceable guns "on the table", sort of speak, for her lawyer to grab or the police to confiscate via 209A Restraining Order. Rent a storage locker out of state for a while and keep the good guns there, along with the rest of your personal effects. Not sure of the military pension. If you finished your service before you married her, she may not be entitled to any of it. If you are still in the reserves or Guard, check with JAG. They will probably know more about such matters than a civilian attorney with no military experience. Thank you for your service and best of luck with this. It will pass and you will be better off in the long run.
 
Tallahassee said:
Just give her what she wants, and never see her again. You'll bounce back faster than you think. If you have anything of sentimental value, sell it to a friend. Everything else is easily replaceable.
See if you can have your lawyer hold off giving half your pension until you are retired and collecting it. Then work as long as you can. I know a guy that did that, worked until he was 75. She didn't get anything for years. He kept working out of spite. Dedication.

And only because you should have saw this coming:
View attachment 536874
Click to expand...
This is unfortunately the best option most of the time. My brother went through a nasty divorce years ago and got some advice from my uncle (who was also divorced). His advice was Just give her half of everything and get it done.....you'll spend more in attorney fees fighting the inevitable. He went that route.....sold the house and split the equity......401ks were totaled then split......no alimony and they shared custody of their daughter. He did end up with child support but your never gonna get out of that. Saved him buckets of cash in the long run.

Op as far as military pension......if you were married for at least 10 yeaes while serving she's entitled to a piece of that pension. Hate to break that news to you. If you have any gi bill benefits left the ex spouse is NOT entitled to that as it'd a soldier benefit that the soldier decides how to use. Had a buddy that went through that battle when his ex tries to say he had to let her go to college and use 50 percent of his post 911 gi bill......uh....nope.....gi bills are not automatically marital property.

I can't speak to what your ping through have not been there......but stay the course and time will make things better. Hang in there.
 
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Sorry that you are in this spot.
If it is at all possible, if she is remotely reasonable and reasonably intelligent, she might understand that the only ones that will benefit are the lawyers, if you have to get into a knock down drag out court battle. And both of your attorneys are hoping for just that. The longer it drags on, the more money it will take.
 
As an older divorced man , I offer some input on your situation. Keep your head on a swivel, and her lawyer will TRY anything that they can to make her payday beneficial. Volunteer No intel let her mouthpiece earn his money. If there are kids involved Never ever bad mouth your ex- tuna in their presence. You’ll get thru all the bullshit in time and it will be just an ugly memory. Lastly , you know why divorce is so expensive? Cause it’s f***ing WORTH it !!!
 
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50 percent of all marriages end in divorce and virtually 100 percent end badly for the man.
I'll never understood why people still get married. We pay the state and or a priest to tell us it's OK to be together and then we have to pay again to ask permission to split up and we let them decide the terms!
If this were a business proposition no one sane person would invest in it. Marriage had s legit purpose hundreds of years ago but not anymore.
It only exists now to empower the church and the legal system Fucq both of them.
 
@whacko is correct about the pension. I know that from personal experience.

Much of the rest of any potential advice depends upon some very personal factors of which probably none of us know. Like, what is the actual relationship like right now. Is she angry and vindictive? Or just wanting out of the marriage. Can you guys actually cohabitate without anything exploding?

Don't know how many firearms you have, and don't want to know. Protect at least some of them. Unfortunately the blessed Commonwealth of Massachusetts (sic) probably can/will tell her lawyer how many you have.

Make sure all of HER assets are on the table also. Especially anything expensive you may have purchased for her. It sounds like you paid for her vehicle, make sure that is pointed out also.

Been there, done that. But at least our divorce was somewhat amicable.
 
I can't tell you to lie to a court about how many guns you own. I know my wife doesn't know or care. Could be five could be fifty.

But I will tell you one thing: you should not be in that house. You will be baited repeatedly by her to justify her getting a restraining order and criminal charges. Unless her lawyer is one in a million in the divorce law industry, she's already been coached to play the victim.
 
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nstassel said:
I can't tell you to lie to a court about how many guns you own. I know my wife doesn't know or care. Could be five could be fifty.

But I will tell you one thing: you should not be in that house. You will be baited repeatedly by her to justify her getting a restraining order. Unless her lawyer is one in a million in the divorce law industry, she's already been coached to play the victim.
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The coaching is absolutely true. I've told this story here on nes but it is such a win I'll tell it again.

Work acquaintance of mine many years ago was going through a divorce. He owned many guns. His wife didn't want anything to do with them and didn't know what he had only that he had handguns and Long guns. She didn't even know the combo to the safe. They were living in separate bedrooms and both had layered up. His lawyer told him to sell all his guns to his father..... do all the transfers at an ffl.......move the guns out when she's not home.......and put all the transfer paperwork in the safe and lock it up. Don't say anything to the wife. It paid off. One night they got into a verbal argument and she called the police and said he threatened her with a handgun. He stopped talking to her immediately and sat down in the kitchen and waited for the cops to arrive. Yup.....cops arrived and she said he threatened her with a gun and then put it back in the safe before the police arrived. Cops go to him and said we need to see that gun.....he said I don't own any I sold them to my father a month ago. He went to the safe....unlocked the door stepped back and said transfer documents are all on the top shelf. Even the cops were laughing at that point. She vomited on the floor as they cuffed her and arrested her for false police report. Total win.
 
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Women usually have jewelry. If your firearms are formally appraised, jewelry should be as well.

A good Mediator will tell you both what the court is likely to order. If you both agree to the mediated settlement it can be submitted and approved sooner than via the court process. And legal fees should be lower.

Your attorneys will review it first and give you their opinions but you decide.
 
Warrior1A said:
Going through divorce, my wife filed in May. I came home early one day, without her knowledge, and moved all of my firearms to a friends house, where they are secured to this day. My intent was to avoid any issues as we are still residing in the house together, until the divorce is finalized. She’s coming after my military pension, and the difference between my truck and the Explorer I gave her, and now her lawyer has asked mine to ensure I retain all my firearms. We suspect that she wants me to get an appraisal done. Would love to hear some recommendations.
Click to expand...
Going through one myself. Very amicable and we both want it. As far as firearms value, whatever her lawyer wants u to do, you reciprocate. So I’m sure she has a jewelry collection..hell, the ring you gave her could be appraised well over 5k. That should wash the firearms value out unless u have an epic collection😂.

Unfortunetily she’s going to get half your military pension, only the years u were married to her. So if you did 20 and were married for 10 she gets half of 10. Do you have VA disability? She can’t touch that but it can be used to calculate Alimony and Child support if she gets it. Hopefully you do ok and only get Divorce molested and not Dovorce raped. Good luck brother!👍🏻
 
As hard as it might be, don’t forget to bite your tongue and don’t flip out on her no matter how unreasonable she might sound. Getting a few things off your chest can completely destroy any amicable arrangement you got and result in a restraining order.

I’ve seen it happen so many times.”Oh yea everything is fine. we are getting along” then it goes sideways.
 

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