Dealing with daughters dating

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My daughter who is now 14 and lives with her mother is starting to date. I was wondering how fathers dealt with their little girls dating and not getting to meet the boy.
 

mibro

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When you inevitably meet any of her boyfriends, tell him that anything he does to her you'll do to him. Gotta follow through though, empty threats are worthless.
I told them - nicely - I expected them to take care of my daughter and there would be consequences if they didn't.
 
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My daughter is on her second boyfriend, and has been out on a handful of dates. I simply tell my daughter that I want to meet them. When I do, I step right up to them, give them a firm handshake, and ask very seriously "Are you being a gentleman with my daughter?" I do this right in front of my daughter so she knows it is important and she hears the boy answer. The look on his face when I ask tells me everything I need to know. She hasn't picked a bad one yet. [Knocks wood]

Mibro is right. There is only so much you can do, and the relationship you keep with your daughter is the vast majority of it. Daughters grow up and become wives and mothers. Do the math and you'll realize there's gonna be some things happening in between there you'd rather not know about. Just have to accept it.

Eta: Sorry, was missing the not meeting the boy part. I would think making it clear to her how she deserves to be treated, what is appropriate and what isn't might be your best option.
 
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All that needs to be added is lime. This is killing me. My daughter hasn’t been up to see us for a while. I got her school pictures and she didn’t tell me she got a nose piercing and had green highlights in her hair. I told her what I expect of the boyfriend. I hope it sticks.
 
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Keep telling her but tell her by asking.
"Is he being a gentleman?"
"Does he hold the door for you?"
"Does he treat your mother with respect?"
"Does he get you home on time?"
Etc. etc.

The more you ask her, the more she'll ask herself. Also, asking questions is being concerned rather than trying to control which could cause her to pull away.
 

ADC

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Raised my daughter to believe in herself. Taught her "bad boys" likely would not have her back. Taught her to take her time with everything.

Never stopped hugging her or telling her I loved her and that I was proud of her.

Started this in the womb ....

She makes her own choices.
She knows I trust her.
It was a rocky road getting here, I won't say it was easy.

As long as she knows I have her back .... She sets a high bar for "potential gentleman suitors"

If you try to drill down on some guy or choice of hers ... that WILL start a fight you will not win.
 
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mibro

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All that needs to be added is lime. This is killing me. My daughter hasn’t been up to see us for a while. I got her school pictures and she didn’t tell me she got a nose piercing and had green highlights in her hair. I told her what I expect of the boyfriend. I hope it sticks.
Sounds like it's pretty much out of your hands now. The best you can do is make sure she knows you love her and have her best interests at heart. Orders or threats will likely backfire.
 
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Come on in, boy, sit on down
And tell me about yourself
So you like my daughter, do you now?
Yeah, we think she's something else
She's her daddy's girl
Her mama's world
She deserves respect
That's what she'll get
Ain't it, son?
Hey, y'all, run along and have some fun
I'll see you when you get back
Bet I'll be up all night
Still cleanin' this gun
 
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This is weird. But the only thing I can add to this post is for the fathers of sons who are dating.

Tell them when the do the right thing and shake the dads hand and he limpfishes, run away.

I've almost been destroyed twice by not following that rule.

Actually. Shit . Yeah I have been destroyed twice.

Okay. Sticking to my comment.
 

KBCraig

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Keep telling her but tell her by asking.
"Is he being a gentleman?"
"Does he hold the door for you?"
"Does he treat your mother with respect?"
"Does he get you home on time?"
Etc. etc.

The more you ask her, the more she'll ask herself. Also, asking questions is being concerned rather than trying to control which could cause her to pull away.
^^^ This.

I raised my daughter and her four brothers by example. For the boys, I showed them to treat a girl like I treat their mother; for the princess, I taught her to never accept being treated less well than I treat her (or her mother).

I make it a point to always open doors, including car doors -- for my wife, my daughter, my mother, my sister, any random person on the street. From 15 to 31, the kids all get it, and do the same.

I always laughed at the "rules for dating my daughter", because she has always had her own rules, and no problem putting her foot down to enforce them. I'm just there for backup. I have to give a lot of credit to my wife, because our daughter doesn't share any of my DNA -- she was 11 when I met her mother, and 12 when we wed. When she was 23, she changed her last name to mine. She gets treated like the Special Princess because she has never once acted like a spoiled, entitled princess.

True story, though: when she was 15 and going on her first "car date", we had just spent a day at the range. The suitor came to the front door and rang the bell (as he should), and when she rushed to open the door and usher him in to meet the parents, her mother was cleaning her .38 at the coffee table, and I was walking in with a .45 on my hip and a shotgun on my shoulder. Honest, it was pure coincidence -- but he had her home early that night!
 

mibro

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This is weird. But the only thing I can add to this post is for the fathers of sons who are dating.

Tell them when the do the right thing and shake the dads hand and he limpfishes, run away.

I've almost been destroyed twice by not following that rule.

Actually. Shit . Yeah I have been destroyed twice.

Okay. Sticking to my comment.
A fair comment. I was more concerned for my son than for my daughter actually. My son got a very thorough briefing on 0bama's disgusting letter to colleges and false rape accusations before he went to college.
 

Radtekk

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My daughter's are 17 and 19. I've been teaching them how they should be treated for years... Holding doors, going to get the car when it's raining, teaching them that they not only deserve respect but have to continue to earn it by their behavior. They are constantly supported, complimented when deserved, and corrected when necessary. They're treated like Princesses, but I'll be DAMNED if they will be allowed to be spoiled brats. One day I won't be here and it'll be too late for them to find their own two feet to stand on. They make their own doc appointments, handle their bills, have jobs, etc.

Boys come over, if Dad is home they damn well knock on the door. A beeping horn gets no answer. Every single one has at one point seen a 1911 on my hip or in a shoulder rig. Not showing off or trying to intimidate, I just believe in carrying unless in the shower. They've all been invited to the range, so far no takers but they all know the girls can shoot.

To the OP's question.. Show your daughter she is worthy of respect and she'll expect it. My ex is a miserable, angry, nasty woman. My daughters know that if she wasn't, I would speak to her. They understand that she gets treated the way she does because owho SHE is, not because of who I am. Point is that if you show your daughter what to expect she'll learn to expect it and not settle.

I treat Lady Radtekk like a Queen, that's what they are learning to expect. When you take your daughter out open the door. When you pick her up, get out of the car and open her door. Hold doors for others, ESPECIALLY women, even if it's cold, rainy, whatever. Act like a gentleman, treat her like a lady. Ladies get treated like ladies, sluts get treated like sluts.

Tell her you want to meet "the boy" even if it cuts in to YOUR time with her. Sacrificing 4 hours of time for a 30 second "Hi" is priceless. And tell him, in front of her "Have a good time, be safe, and remember, I am entrusting the single most valuable thing to me on the planet to your care. Please take good care of my daughter, you are responsible for her safety and well-being until she gets home."

Pray. A lot.
 
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All that needs to be added is lime. This is killing me. My daughter hasn’t been up to see us for a while. I got her school pictures and she didn’t tell me she got a nose piercing and had green highlights in her hair. I told her what I expect of the boyfriend. I hope it sticks.
Don't take offense to this, but the first thing I thought of when I read this was "why haven't you gone down (wherever down is) to see her? Does she have a stepfather or someone who is in her life everyday? How does that person treat her mother? That seems like the person who she would correlate how women/girls should be treated and know where the bar should be set, which should be set high.

I have a 6 year old daughter who already (respectfully) acts like she is 15. I'm am not looking forward to teenage years.
 
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Maybe it’s becuaee everyone’s kids here are so young and it’s the “Curtious” thing to do, but holding every door, getting the car when it’s raining..,why? Women should be treated well, but telling them they need to be treated like princesses every second is absurd.
 
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