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Christmas, tactically speaking

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Christmas visitors late at night when no one is stirring, not even a mouse are a hard reality for a lot of us every year. Let's go over the tactical situation:

1. Claus will be invading, his method of entry is known, and he has two hard targets: The Tree, to deliver his payload, and the Plate of cookies and milk.

2. The fact that Claus is going into every single abode without express permission, including some extremely dangerous scenarios (crack houses, domestic violence situations, lunatic right wing gun nuts, etc) means that Santa, if he's smart, will be armed and ready. His elves are talented enough to create some really trick weaponry as well.

3. Claus is very ancient, and therefore treacherous.

Your advantage is that you control Claus' method of entry, and are much more familiar with the layout of your abode.

Claus will most likely be armed with a very short barreled rifle, useful for very close quarters maneuvering, perhaps an M4, or even a Serbu "super shorty" shotgun with a bandolier full of reloads.

His entry technique relies on stealth rather than the typical dynamic entry methods. Claus rarely has to resort to door breaching and flashbangs. Be cautions, because he might look just like a peddler just opening his pack, and you want to make sure you don't have an actual peddler in your house, who would probably be unarmed. Know your target!

One clue that you have encountered Claus is the jolly chuckle that sends chills down your spine, letting you know it's "game on".

A green tritium glow as you line up your front sight,
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.
 
Hey, Santa may have a gift cert from Callaghan's, Four Seasons, or Midway to put under my tree - he can come in the freakin' front door and I'll serve him the milk & mommy cake myself!! (we don't do cookies at my house - "mommy cake" is an ancient family recipe!)

"Invading". [rolleyes] Bah, humbug! That jolly old elf is welcome in my house.


(for those who are confused knowing I'm Jewish... my wife is not; ergo, there is a tree. About 5 feet away from the menorah.) [wink]
 
Hey, Santa may have a gift cert from Callaghan's, Four Seasons, or Midway to put under my tree - he can come in the freakin' front door and I'll serve him the milk & mommy cake myself!! (we don't do cookies at my house - "mommy cake" is an ancient family recipe!)

"Invading". [rolleyes] Bah, humbug! That jolly old elf is welcome in my house.


(for those who are confused knowing I'm Jewish... my wife is not; ergo, there is a tree. About 5 feet away from the menorah.) [wink]
[rolleyes]Hey aren't those Elfs your cousins?????
 
[rolleyes]Hey aren't those Elfs your cousins?????
Uh... no. DWARVES are my cousins. (Y'know, Gimli Gloin's son, Thorin Oakenshield, Happy, Dopey (who looks kind of like you, now that I think of it, Rick!), Sleazey (oops, wait, that's me), Doc...
 
Some scientist did some calculations to see if it was possible for Santa to go to every house one Christmas Eve.

The answer was "YES" !!! But only if he spent less than .035 milliseconds at each location.

Did that take into account naughty and nice? Also what happens if he makes a mistake? No matter how good he is he can't be mistake free. There has to be at least one mistake for every one million..
 
I'm sick of Santa's shit. When he comes down the chimney tonight, I'm gonna f*ck him up real bad.

Snipe him as he comes down the chimney? Ya know, Christmas a robbers favorite time of the year.... if you hear something coming down your Chimney you think it's Santa not a burglar!
 
judging by the fact that theres been so few physical sightings one has to suspect the deployment of anesthetic agents as a precursor to entry.
hes a clever bastard indeed...
 
You guys better watch out

Santa is clearly a ninja , or a Power ranger. He could flip out and kill everyone. I will stick to my Christmas eve protocol : Stay up late , eat a lot , drink Scotch.
 
Some scientist did some calculations to see if it was possible for Santa to go to every house one Christmas Eve.

The answer was "YES" !!! But only if he spent less than .035 milliseconds at each location.

Did that take into account naughty and nice? Also what happens if he makes a mistake? No matter how good he is he can't be mistake free. There has to be at least one mistake for every one million..

judging by the fact that theres been so few physical sightings one has to suspect the deployment of anesthetic agents as a precursor to entry.
hes a clever bastard indeed...

Santa, being supernatural to a certain extent, has the power to manipulate the space/time continuum. This allows him to be a bit more leisurely as he distributes his wares throughout the world. He has ample time to check for mistakes, and physical sightings are virtually impossible as he is actually in each house for milliseconds (our time, on the Santa Clock, it takes 10 to 15 minutes at each place). High speed photography has been set up to catch the jolly fellow in the act but the results were inconclusive at best, showing a red and white blur on the camera.
 
You better watch out...

I'm sick of Santa's shit. When he comes down the chimney tonight, I'm gonna f*ck him up real bad.

Santa's ready for you !
real-evilsanta.jpg
 
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