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Boston.com 'asking about guns in a playmate's home"

I read the article and the earlier one referred to in the link.

While I think the concern is unwarranted, at least this particular piece wasn't nearly as bad and peppered with the bug-eyed histrionics I've read in similar articles.
 
Only those I select to know will know I own guns. It works both ways, I don't know if some kid's parents or aquaintances will try to break into my home to steal my firearms.
 
My wife and I have actually had this question ask of us by other parents whose children come over for a playdate (or sleepover).

I'm paraphrasing, but we explain that we love our children dearly (two girls ages 6 and 7) and do everything we can to insure their safety. And while their child is with our family, we will do everything possible to keep their child safe as well.

That has always worked for an answer for us
 
Lilorfnannie said:
I'm a mom and my kids have friends over fairly often. I don't have any guns yet, working on the license still. I'm debating about what to do with this problem. I don't plan on telling anyone I have a handgun (when I get it) but I have the strong feeling that if I did, none of my kids' friends would be allowed to come to this house, period. I'd be treated like a leper and a dangerous nutcase around the school. I'm pretty sure when I went to the school some would be staring at me the whole time, wondering if I was carrying while I was at the school. Now it's one thing to say that they aren't people I want to know or want my kids to know but I am not so sure there's any other sort around here.

On the one hand, I wonder if I should tell them upfront, because I'm pretty sure they'd want to know that kind of thing and would immediately take their child away from the influence of the dangerous nutcase, or if I don't say anything and they find out later (as they are sure to do, it's a small town) then they might be even more outraged and frightened and feel even more threatened that I never said anything.

It's one thing to say these are idiot moonbat morons (which they are) and they can do as they please (somewhere else) but it's another thing when they are your neighbors, your kids' freinds' parents, and your town is FULL of them.

Just some thoughts, hope it's not too much off topic.

Somebody please write something very witty and very snarky in the comments on that article!!!
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I actually did have a comment stating almost exactly what you just said. That I would not mind being asked the question and ensure them that my guns are securely locked in a 500lb combination safe that noone other than me has the combination too. I also then stated that that information would have fallen on deaf ears as soon as the affirmative presence of a gun was noted the visit would be over and the fact that I was a legal safe gun owner would have been spread around like wild fire and the safe aspects of my storage I am afraid would not be part of the buzz.

Then before I hit the submit button I deleted the entire comment because I just don't want to be tempted to go back and see what kind of sheepish bullshit would have followed.

Fortunately my kids are older and the question is unlikely to ever come up and most of my kids friends already know I am a gun guy. 5 different gun magazines subscription, Cheaper Than Dirt, Brownell catalogs all well worn and dog eared make a subtle statement. I do feel for those that may be faced with that tough question and the implication on the social aspect of their young children in this super liberal place we call home..
 
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Tim111 said:
Me too. Not all that long ago this phrase was uttered:

"You cannot invade the mainland United States.
There would be a rifle behind every blade of grass."

- Admiral Isoroku Yamamoto
(Japanese Navy)

And just look at us now [sad2]
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There would be a white flag and an apology behind every blade of grass if it happened today. [sad2]
 
derek said:
du.com = democraticunderground. com

Do not go there unless you want your head to explode. I used to read there once in a while to see what the other side was thinking. Now it literally makes my head hurt, absolutely zero logic and not an informed decision on the forum. I won't even waste my time anymore over there. It lowers my IQ each time I read a thread.
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Thinking? What thinking? [laugh]
 
BBQ.Uncle said:
How about just putting an NRA sticker on your car or leaving a copy of America's 1st Freedom, American Rifleman or Guns & Ammo lying around and let them do the math? [wink]

I've had several people find out that way and they've been pretty cool with it.
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My kid likes to take all my stickers from NRA/Goal/Bowtech...etc and put them on his window. You walk by his window on the way in to my house and it looks like the window of a sporting goods shop. If the kids parents can't see that and figure it out....then they need some help from Sherlock Holmes.

I've never been asked about the guns, but certainly would be welcome to show any concerned parents, and would understand their concerns. The most wacky are our liberal neighbors, but even they are comfortable with it now when their kids come over. Luckily I'm not in town where you get blacklisted by owning a gun or being a sportsman, much the opposite.
 
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Anyone that doesn't want to be around my house because I have guns can go F' themselves and I wouldn't want their firearm-ignorant children near me and my guns anyway. I already know my town is full of people I don't like. You can't care what the morons think and don't tell them anything unless they ask.
 
I was recently asked by my mom "if I had a gun" in the house. Both my wife and I were wondering when it was going to come up, as we initially did not want to acknowledge this subject with her if it came up. But, I am a terrible liar with my mom, so I answered "NO, I don't have 'A GUN'". She was like, "you mean you have a lot of them?" That was not the reaction I wanted, but it was one that I expected. I told her that I many tools in my home, and we keep tools for different reasons and different uses, but all are kept in safe places and lawfully secured. She was shocked to learn that both my wife and I have LTC's. After having an attempted B&E to our home in the middle of the night just over a year ago, my wife agreed that we should be able to defend our children's lives with every opportunity and tool that we choose to own. My mom worried for our kids safety, but I explained that they will be taught about firearms and safety, and even learn to shoot when we feel it is appropriate. We want them to grow and have a respect for them, and I'm sure the boys will be taught about 'safe sex' and 'saying no to drugs' at school, but nothing is is mentioned about firearm safety. Then she wanted to know if my firearms were locked up so tightly if I could get to them in time. I pulled up my shirt to show her my safely holstered M&P9c on my waist. The look on her face was priceless! I then told her that I will do everything to protect my family and my home. I do not answer the door without a sidearm. I do my best to look at my surroundings and where I stand tactically. And I firmly believe in my 2nd Amendment rights, as the 2A protects all others and there are forces out there that aim to take away those rights. After the "shock & awe", she told me that she still doesn't like guns, but she does trust me and she respects my right to own them. I did offer to take her shooting as well, but she politely declined. She was informed that it was extremely important that the info provided in the discussion was 'classified', and she was not to tell anyone because my wife & I choose who we tell or not, as we do not want to increase our family's "threat level".

I do think it might be wise to at least think about asking parents of children about guns in their homes, because you don't know if they are safe like myself & my fellow NES'ers. I won't quote facts because I don't know if they exist, but I'm willing to bet there are a lot of new legal gun owners since the election last fall, and some of them may have been as a kneejerk reaction without fully thinking thru the decision, the safety aspects of gun ownership, or furthered training. My two boys are 3 & 1, and while I've not shown any of the firearms directly to them (they have seen me lock them up in passing or quickly looking under my shirt), I've started to instruct them about "never touch, go get and tell an adult". Because as they will be under our wing until they are 18, we are responsible for them. It is our hope that we will help mold them into free thinking, responsible, safe, and well adjusted young people. But we may have to check in and up on them, their friends, and where they go. We all do remember how we were when we were kids, right?

I know the crazy liberals are screwy, but a frank and honest question can lead to a frank and honest answer and possible discussion. And you can still screen those who ask the question while figuring out who you want to know, and who you don't. As for us, we don't tell anyone unless we feel it's needed and they can be trusted. Who knows, maybe you can foster some positive thinking about our 2A rights!
 
Diggs said:
Anyone that doesn't want to be around my house because I have guns can go F' themselves and I wouldn't want their firearm-ignorant children near me and my guns anyway. I already know my town is full of people I don't like. You can't care what the morons think and don't tell them anything unless they ask.
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Pretty much what I think, too.
 
It's their kids, as far as I'm concerned they've got a right to ask me anything they want (no one ever has BTW). I've a right not to answer.

If asked, I'd say, 'Yes. They're locked up like the law requires,' and thats it. If the parents won't let the kid come over that's one less kid I have to clean up after. I don't advertise I've got guns, but I don't particularly hide it either.
 
... 40% of American homes with children in them have guns. While many of them are kept behind lock and key, there is no way of knowing how many of them are not.

A shocking statistic, isn't it? So why do we think it's rude to ask the question: Are there guns in your home?.
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which is the shocking statistic? the 40% of American homes w/ children have guns? or the statistic they made up when they made the statement:

there is no way of knowing how many of them are not.
Click to expand...

and then moved on with the assumption that the majority of households in question are throwing glocks with "fully loaded clips" in the baby's crib...[thinking]
 
... 40% of American homes with children in them have guns.
Click to expand...

what worries me the most is that houses are walking around with guns! anybody who's seen Monty Python's flying circus will surely remember the fact that unchecked houses will eat you. Now they can shoot you!!!! [shocked]
 
Some of the ones that were approved.


33 comments so far...

"Do you have a gun in the house" is the wrong question. The question should be "If you have firearms in the house, are they secured so the children can't get them?". Beyond that, you cannot child-proof every gun in the world, but you can teach your children what to do if they come across one: "Stop, don't touch, leave the area and tell an adult.."

There are many programs for children at sportsmen's clubs around the state where children, under safe, controlled conditions, can learn gun safety and take away the mystery that causes the curiousity problem in the first place.

Posted by Emoto June 17, 09 09:33 AMThanks for the reminder, that is a great question. I used to ask when my oldest son (age 11) was younger but given that none of his friends' parents had weapons in the home I just forgot about it. Much to my surprise, last fall the father of a newer friend made a joke in passing about heading down to the basement and pulling out one of his guns. I was too surprised to ask questions I should have about how they were secured, where the ammunition is kept, etc. I did talk to my son about it (he didn't know there were weapons in the house, a good sign) and he isn't friends with this boy anymore but it put the question back on my usual "get to know you" list.

Posted by Jen June 17, 09 09:42 AMYou should also ask the parents if they have a swimming pool, too. Those kill kids when they are unsupervised.

I grew up in a house with guns. They were kept unloaded and separate from the ammunition. At the appropriate age, I also took a gun safety and education course (from the NRA, and the course was excellent) to reinforce the proper handling and care of a firearm. Many of the other families in the area had guns in the house, as well, but the other parents all had the same message to pass on to the kids, and no one ever touched (much less loaded or discharged) a gun without a parent present.

Posted by K June 17, 09 10:57 AMI couldn't agree more. It may be uncomfortable to ask another parent if they have guns in the house before your child goes over to play but considering the alternative scenario, I would rather risk hurting or offending someone than attending my child's funeral. When my son was six, we moved to Tennessee. It never occurred to me to think about guns. My son came home one day from visiting a neighbor's house and casually mentioned seeing a gun in one of the bedrooms. I always inquired after that experience and if the family did have guns, their child was invited to our house but I would not allow my son to visit their house.

Posted by Terry Dolan June 17, 09 11:09 AMMore importantly....do parents ask about a pool, nearby pond, river or lake??? A child is TEN times more likely to die from drowning than an accidental gun shot wound. Responsible law abiding parents don't leave loaded guns in the open and unlocked.....but many of those same parents do have pools though. I have guns in my house because as a father and a husband, I feel like it's my obligation to be able to protect my family as necessary. I would never own a pool. I can lock up my guns but never guarantee that my kids won't fall in the pool..

Posted by michaelDad June 17, 09 11:14 AMHuh. I'd want to know if they _didn't have guns, since non-gun owners are more likely to be clueless about the safety of many things. They're also more likely to be annoying self-righteous types.
If you don't want your kids to play with the local cop's kids, then they should return the favor and decline your call when you dial 911.

With today's kid culture it's not possible to keep unlocked guns when one has kids, even if they are old enough to handle them. The family's kids might be well disciplined but their friends could be Beavis & Butthead. Years ago kids followed rules when brought up properly, but today they know it's "not their fault" and there are no rules other than what you can get away with. Kinda like today's parents.

Posted by TimesChange June 17, 09 12:53 PMNot too long ago I shared a rental house with another guy who also happened to be a single dad with a very normal 2.5 yo little boy. He also had something on the order seven weapons that I didn't know about prior to moving in - and no locks! He seemed a bit put off when I insisted that he lock up all of the weapons in a safe - mind you this guy did his best thinking with his little head. He thought that since he'd grown up in the country around guns w/out locks that it really wasn't necessary. Every parent needs to ask the question and view the GUN SAFE. Trigger locks still allow for "play" and one day they will be left unlocked. No exceptions.




Every

Posted by CldSmk June 17, 09 01:53 PMI babysat for a friend two afternoons a week while she and her husband were at work.. They have two darling little girls, ages 2 and 4. Every once ina while the husband would stop by on his lunch hour to check on things and to grab a quick bite. On one such visit, he let me know that if there ever was a problem, he had a loaded gun under the sofa cushion that I could use in case of an emergency. I quit right there on the spot. not only do I despise guns , but the danger and responsibility were more than I was willing to bear. If anything would have happened to those girls on my watch, I don't think that I could ever forgive myself. I am so against loaded weapons in the home and fail to see how we were any safer with it's presence.

Posted by takethe gunsaway June 17, 09 02:41 PMA great question to be asked!
But I am curious, what other dangers do any of you inquire about before allowing your kids to play at a friend's house?
*Poisons under the sink?
*Open fireplaces?
*In-ground swimming pools?

The topic of guns is a good starter, but not the whole conversation.

Posted by SingleCommuterWithBagel June 17, 09 02:53 PMAbsolutely ask about guns. If they are not locked up, in Massachusetts that's a crime. Especially with kids around, anyone who does not keep their guns locked up deserves to be reported to police. And I'm a lifetime NRA member who owns guns.
Another question to ask is "Do you have a pool?"
Children are 10 times more likely to drown in a backyard pool than be injured by a gun in a home.

Posted by sean June 17, 09 03:48 PMAs an owner, I cannot abide by irresponsible handling, but neither will I allow my life to be pried into by liberals intent on making their world safe from folks whose politics they disagree with. I refused to answer questions posed to me by the hospital when my daughter was born, and as soon as she is old enough to appreciate it, I will warn her not to share such details with her little friends and their parents. And if a parent asks me, I would reply "that's a rather personal question, don't you think?" It is unfortunate that owners like me are mistrustful of your motives, but there are a lot of folks in the northeast that would like to disarm legal and responsible owners. In fact, ownership is much more widespread than even I imagined, but responsible owners don't trumpet that fact (for obvious reasons), especially in states with near-fascist control, like Mass. or N.J.

Fact is, if you feel you have to ask, then you likely have reservations about the parent that go beyond what they may leave lying around (like sharp tools perhaps???). So you never really should get to that question.

Posted by nom deplume June 17, 09 04:03 PMWhy not just teach your children how to react in that kind of a situation rather than assuming that everything is fine at a playmate's house?

Massad Ayoob, a police officer and firearms trainer wrote a very good book on the subject (teaching kids to be safe around firearms) that comes highly recommended by many in that field.

http://www.amazon.com/Gun-Proof-Chi...=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1245266001&sr=8-1

Posted by Roger Smith June 17, 09 04:06 PMWhile guns are indeed dangerous, there are many more risks in a playmate's home that can be harmful or even fatal. More children die in backyard swimming pools each year than from accidental shootings. It's a shame that so many people have a knee-jerk reaction to guns. So by all means, ask about all the risks that your children could encounter. Is there a busy road nearby? Is there a a large and potentially dangerous dog? Do you supervise your child's internet use/cellphone use? Bottom line - be cautious but not alarmist.

Posted by JR June 17, 09 04:54 PM"I would like to talk to my children, yet not cause anxiety about what to do should a parent's gun be revealed while my children are playing at the home of a friend."

My first suggestion would be that you teach your child the basic safety rules that the NRA uses for firearms so that if your child were to come across any firearm (not just at a friend's house, but anywhere).

1) STOP!
2) Don't Touch.
3) Leave the Area.
4) Tell an Adult.

Posted by Paupyouintheface June 17, 09 05:00 PMI think its great that you're talking about this. It is a difficult conversation to have and it shouldn't be awkward. I struggled with this issue with my own young ones and decided that to make it less awkward, I would initiate playdates and I would offer the information - I would put it broadly though adding in a number of other parent concerns: we'd love to host a playdate - we are a gun-free, smoke-free, pet-free home. If you have any questions or concerns, please don't hesistate to ask. Sometimes, the information is volunteered in return!

Posted by mimster June 17, 09 05:44 PMthank you thank you thank you for this posting. A friend of mine died in high school playing russian roulette (at her house, with her father's, a sheriff!, service weapon). It has stayed with me forever but STILL as a mother of two precious girls don't have the courage to ask the wolves that live around me this question. I get around it by being present, restricting playdates, or having them at my house. Now I can say "I saw in the Globe......." and no one will be put off by the awkward question or the horrific story.

Posted by alquimista June 17, 09 05:45 PMIn your article from 2000, you didn't once suggest that the concerned parent should teach THEIR child about gun safety. The NRA runs an apolitical program called eddie the eagle that every child should take in school or through some other means including taught by the parent. It has been proven to work.

In addition, this quote from the article is incorrect.
"What you want to hear," he said, "is that guns are locked and stored separately from ammunition [as state law requires] and that children don't know where the key is kept."

The law is that the firearm must be locked up and that ammunition must be stored in a container, but they can be locked together and guns can be stored loaded in say a safe. The only time this is not the case is when transporting on a plane as per TSA rules, ammunition needs to go in a separate case. It is not entirely clear what this serves, but that is the TSA regulation. MA state law has some other esoteric transport rules but so long as the firearm is not loaded, it can be transported in the same case as ammunition.

Lastly, this quote:
If a family says they do have guns, parents have two choices, said Gross: politely decline the playdate ("I'm sorry, but this makes me nervous.") or ask about safety precautions.
...from your article is troubling at best and speaks to why some people who are asked about guns become evasive. It may not be that they are any less responsible than those who offer up the info freely. The evasive ones may be concerned that knowledge of their ownership of guns will have adverse effect in their community including their house being blacklisted for kids parties or that they will lose friends over the knowledge, as I have in the past. Or that people will not solicit their business as has happened to me in the past.
Gun ownership has become a scarlet letter for those living in states like MA, NY and CA. There is a reason you did not know your neighbors were gun owners in Wellesley. That reason is that almost always no good comes of that knowledge. The best advice you can give is to have that person ask about the storage and safety precautions. You should encourage that person to investigate the statistics that seem to purport that gun ownership is so deadly, yet those statistics are dominated by suicides. Accidental firearms deaths are so rare you have a better chance of dying walking into a hospital. But to say that they should feel free to take their kid and go home is wrong and why people who own guns are evasive when asked about them.
We would rather shed our scarlet letter but for now, we shall hide it in the political environment the likes of which MA has.

Posted by Tom June 17, 09 06:03 PMGuns should not be a taboo topic. Ask away. Just because someone has a gun (or chances are many guns) in their home does not mean it is an unsafe environment.

Would you rather leave a child with law abiding gun owners or alcoholics or drug users?

The truth is that the percentage of accidents per gun is so small that you should be more worried about your drive to the playmate's home.

Posted by AskAway June 17, 09 06:32 PMHow do you address drugs, alcohol and smoking? Education. But how do people address gun safety? Fear and panic rather than education. Educate your children on gun safety - Eddy Eagle says "Stop, Don't Touch, Leave the Area, Tell an Adult."

Auto accidents, drowning, accidental poisoning and falls all greatly exceed firearms as a cause of child accidental injury or death so, reasonably, one should question the parents who drive your kids around, or have a pool. You should check if they keep the household chemicals locked up and whether they have 6 inches of mulch under the swingset. And then, maybe ask about their guns.
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joehaus said:
My comments never appeared. WTF[angry2]
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This one was one of the worst I spotted.

Anyone care to quote this one and answer.

Posted by BMS June 18, 09 10:11 AMIf you hear a strange noise in the night, are you really going unlock your hand gun, load it and go downstairs prepared to shoot, when it could easily be you spouse, child, in-law, etc? And if you aren't prepared to do this, are you really any safer with your gun?
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Hey I made it in. Better late then never.

1. Teach your kids about safe handling of firearms.
2. Make sure they know not to touch any gun unsupervised.
3. Just like you would with knifes or scissors.

Problem solved.
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Count on gun ownership being a question in the 2010 Census.

The Obama admin. is asking about this on job applications etc. They HAVE AN AGENDA.

Gun owners who say 'NO' will play into the interpretation that 'most people don't feel the need to own a gun'.

Gun owners who say 'YES' will play into the interpretation that 'too many homes with children also have guns......Inherently unsage and wreckless'.

Gun owners who decline to answer, will be interpreted as fanatics and zealots, and enumerated as an implied 'YES'.

....LOSE/LOSE!

.
 
Tim111 said:
Me too. Not all that long ago this phrase was uttered:

"You cannot invade the mainland United States.
There would be a rifle behind every blade of grass."

- Admiral Isoroku Yamamoto
(Japanese Navy)

And just look at us now [sad2]
Click to expand...


You know, I'm not nearly as down as you - since the election US civilians have purchased enough small arms to outfit the entire Chinese and Indian armies combined, and have purchased several billion rounds of ammo. That's nothing to sneeze at, our local issues not withstanding.
 

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