Advice Needed.....

Since when does a man leave a woman because her parents don't like him or disagree with him politically? Jesus, talk about ceding control to someone else!

My wife's parents are Obama supporters and worse than that, Yankees fans. They've learned not to discuss politics with me, no point, and they've learned not to give my children Yankees gear (it goes in the garbage) My wife respects me for standing up to her father. It's possible to disagree with someone and still have a cordial relationship with them.

Besides, you don't want in-laws hanging around your house even if they DO agree with you. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that. We see them once a year at most.

Since when? Since he's not married yet. I don't know the people in question so I'm only talking in general terms. However, in general a person has to take the whole picture into account before they marry- does he really want to be tied to those inlaws for decades, for example?

See, I see several warning signs-

-parents who are Obama supporters (overwhelmingly emotion-based type thinking, you can't reason with these types, and they think they have a right to get into your business- etc etc.)

-a potential wife who runs to daddy for support/advice about a matter that is between her and her fiance

-a dad who thinks that he needs to talk to his daughter's fiance about matters that are between her and her fiance

It says to me that the wife is not acting as adult as she needs to, in order to make a healthy marriage. It says to me that the parents are still thinking of her as their little girl, not a grown woman who can make her own decisions. Those are all big red flags to me.

Now if the parents aren't going to be in the same town or the next town over, and the fiance isn't going to keep running to them with her problems- which would take some solid evidence before that can be determined, because she's shown that she does that- then it could work out fine.

Hey, I'm the queen of disagreeing with relatives and getting along. I am just about polar opposites with ALL my relatives/inlaws on most any major subject- religion, guns, politics, (sports bores me to tears.) Most of those things I don't even agree with DH on- he's "unhappy about" (read, severely against) my getting and wearing a handgun at all- and we make things work. Everybody's cordial and the once or twice yearly visits and more frequent calls go fine. And a key part of it is that my inlaws don't feel the need to butt into our marriage whatsoever, they are very good about letting us do our thing even though it might disagree with them. So it can happen, sure, but I'm just saying that I think there are red flags here and since they aren't married yet then it might be time to rethink that.
 
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No manhood will be surrendered, I can assure you of that. She couldn't get me to sell my Mustang and she sure as hell won't get me to sell the guns. There won't be a "group discussion" either.

Sounds to me like she is looking for someone other than you, and is trying to make you into that person.

That said, early on in our time together, I took my then future father in law and future wife to the range for a fun day of shooting. He tried mine, I tried his, she tried them all. A good time was had by all.
 
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Sounds to me like she is looking for someone other than you, and is trying to make you into that person.

There is a saying that goes something like this:

A man marries a woman hoping she won't change and she does.
A woman marries a man thinking she can change him and she can't.

The future does not look bright for the OP's relationship. Good Luck!
 
I also count myself lucky. My FIL is ex military, and is a gun owner. He's not really a big shooter (he got the guns when he lived in the wilderness of Alaska), but is a big supporter of the 2A.

My wife's only issue is the old "what do you mean you spent $$$$ on guns again???".

My advice to you. Listen to her, and try to convince her. I was very anti-gun for the longest time. Until I actually started to look at what the 2A really meant, and I also realized that one can't be pro-civil liberties when it suits me, but anti-civil liberties when it doesn't.
 
Only you can decide all the dynamics of your particular situation and how serious a problem it might pose in the future for your relationship with her. However, if you really want it to work out and really believe it will work out then try and make her understand your side. Prior to us getting married my wife hated guns. She would get very uncomfortable whenever she saw one or if I was cleaning one on the table. Now she has her unrestricted LTC-A. Guns are fun. Shooting stuff is fun. The most effective way to get someone on the pro-gun side is to have them pull a trigger (of something reasonable, like a .22, at first) and watch the smile form on their face. The point I'm trying to make is just because she isn't into shooting right now doesn't mean it's a lost cause.
 
I was talking to my fiancee tonight and I find out that she hates the fact I have a 9mm pistol and an AK.
Think very carefully about what you're going to do here. Do you really want to spend the REST OF YOUR LIFE with a woman who "hates" something about you? Do you want to get grief from her every time you go to the range or want to buy a new toy?

After she asked me what was wrong I said "I want to make sure the rifle didn't get out and shoot anyone while I was out." She was able to laugh at that and realized maybe she was over reacting to the whole situation.
Wow... now THAT'S a fast change of attitude...

No manhood will be surrendered, I can assure you of that. She couldn't get me to sell my Mustang and she sure as hell won't get me to sell the guns. There won't be a "group discussion" either.
I made sure that my fiancee understood that I had guns and a motorcycle before we were married, and I would keep having them afterwards. But it'd sure be nice if she came to the range with me sometimes...

Cancel the wedding because the parents don't like guns? Oh No, a tough situation... lets run away... bunch of pussies. what are we, the F'in french

Stand up for yourself.
What are you, a masochist? Different situations entirely - we're trying to get 97serpent to NOT have to have a lifetime of fighting with his wife and inlaws over guns. This could be avoided by breaking up... what he has to decide is which he loves more - his guns or his fiancee.

You might have trouble with concealed carry when she is around. She will simply not understand the need--probably ever.
If you ever get mugged, she'll understand then.

I am just going to tell my fiancee that there will be no discussion on the subject with her parents.
Good.

She came to the range and shot my pistol with me and actually liked it...so I don't know whats going on. I have left gun related items around the house and she doesn't even flinch. She just gets nervous seeing the AK it seems.
OK, this is getting strange... this all has happened since you started the thread? Last night???

If you have time before the wedding, you may want to continue to work on her. Get her to the range again, and this time teach her to shoot the AK. You may find you don't have a problem at all. You may find out that she's parroting her PARENTS' line, and that she is coming to like guns.

But for the sake of your sanity, get it all squared away BEFORE you two go marching down the aisle.
 
If your fiancee is getting agitated about "what you spend on guns" then frankly....

EJECT NOW.

Or at least clear that issue out up front, because it's gonna go all downhill from there. If a woman is rooting around in your wallet, and you don't
have children, then do not walk, RUN away.

It's one thing to get concerned about what you spend when you have a
family to run. It's another thing when she is trying to micromanage your
existence just because she can.

I've seen this happen to men before, and all I can say is it's dangerous. The bad ones will try to eat a little piece of you at a time, and
before you know it, you are nothing but a shell of what you were before you got into the relationship, because your needs/wants are now
relegated to being secondary (or worse) to hers.


-Mike
 
I was talking to my fiancee tonight and I find out that she hates the fact I have a 9mm pistol and an AK. Her dad was over yesterday, and I showed him both guns because he was asking if I was out shooting. I thought he was interested[thinking].....but he and my future mother in law have a big problem with the guns. They are both voted for Obama and love the job he has done(I think you get the picture). My fiancee has more of a problem with the money I spent on the guns, not just the fact she thinks they are "dangerous". Her dad said that myself, my fiancee, and both her parents need to get together and "talk about it". I think, and most of you I think agree, there is nothing to talk about.

Has anyone had to deal with a similar situation? Any suggestions?

I'd say ABSOLUTELY NOT! You're a grown man, can make your own choices. And so can your fiancee. If she has a problem with it thats between you and her. Her parents have nothing to do with it. Hate to say it but this is a sign of things to come. IMO you should get out now.
 
Yeah, I guess I'm pretty lucky, it was my fiance's idea for us to get our licenses, and as for her mother (father passed away some years ago) she works for the prison system and has a few fire arms herself.

So, as you can logically guess, I won't have any issues with guns in my place of residence. [wink]
 
I'd say ABSOLUTELY NOT! You're a grown man, can make your own choices. And so can your fiancee. If she has a problem with it thats between you and her. Her parents have nothing to do with it. Hate to say it but this is a sign of things to come. IMO you should get out now.

There will be no discussion about it with her mom and dad.
 
If your fiancee is getting agitated about "what you spend on guns" then frankly....

EJECT NOW.

Mike, that is excellent advice, but I don't think you have to rub it in his face like that. Sooner or later, we all mess up our ejection timing and end up hitched.
 
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Girlfriends will come and go. You're guns will serve you well for the rest of your life. I would ditch the girlfriend, and her flakey parents.
 
if you entertain a discussion about it, i suspect that will be a somewhat large mistake.

I would simply explain that you own guns becuase you have a second amendment right to own guns, you enjoy owning your guns (it is a fun hobby after all, and the people are awesome), and you intend to keep owning guns. Since none of this is going to change, it seems like they are looking for you to explain yourself, not to have a discussion with you.

I personally don't feel the need to explain to anyone why I choose to exercise my freedom, or the manner in which I choose to do so (provided I do so legally).

Personally, I think there's a lot worse things you could be into (and many of them are much more expensive)! Drugs, hookers, and golf are a few examples :)
 
97Serpent- I question your judgement for one reason and one reason only- you came to NES for relationship advice. There should be a relationship FAQ here with just one line in it- "If she doesn't love guns- dump her!" [wink]
 
You may find you don't have a problem at all. You may find out that she's parroting her PARENTS' line, and that she is coming to like guns.

I think this may be whats going on. We went to the range with the pistol about 2 weeks ago and she liked it. She has spent alot of time with her dad over the past week or so, and I think she is just repeating his views to me.
 
97Serpent-There should be a relationship FAQ here with just one line in it- "If she doesn't love guns- dump her!" [wink]

[laugh2] It seems that way....maybe a moderator can make it a "sticky"

I just wanted advice on how people have dealt with it...but I see how.
 
My wife was really pissed when I got my first gun. She now has her own unrestricted LTC and several guns.

Oh I know people can change- see my earlier post when I actually tried to give sincere advice! But 9 times out of 10 on these threads all you see is "If she doesn't reload, it's time to move on" [grin]
 
I know for my girlfriend before we moved in together I said "I'm willing to comprimise on a lot of things.....the guns are not one of them." So far things have been fine. She knows I am a responsible person and has even come to the range with me twice. So far it's still not her "thing" so to speak but every so often I ask, "So, want to go to the range?" Then again some people are very stuck in their ways and can't accept certain things so YMMV.
 
Dad obviously has it wrong - you and your fiance need to talk about this. The parents don't need to be involved at all.

I agree with this.

I wouldn't run if you love the girl and want to work it out. But it's definitely not a place for her parents to talk to you about it. My GF wasn't thrilled but now she talks to everyone about how she "loves to shoot" my ruger mark III.

You just have to teach some people that there are responsible ways to own & operate weapons. It just sucks that those same ignorant people go into the voting booth....
 
If the OP is lucky, his story could end up like mine.

I was a shooter in college, back when dirt was new. I always wanted to get back into competitive shooting but could never find the time, marriage, kids, house and work.

Last year, I finally determined that the time was right to get back into shooting. I came home from work and asked my SO if she wanted to go to the range with me.
Her mouth said "OK", but the look on her face said "Not in a million years".

We drove up to Manchester Firing Line, rented a Beretta and shot for an hour. She seemed to enjoy herself.

On the way home, she tells me the she "never shot a real gun before".

The next week, same question, same answer but without the look.

After a couple more of these adventures, she's asking me if we're going to the range as soon as I walk in the house from work.

Fast forward a couple of months, I bought her a Browning Buckmark for her birthday and she was thrilled.

She attended Women on Target last fall, came home announcing the she shot an AR-15 and wanted one.

A year later, she is becoming an accomplished silhouette shooter and finally shot her first Steel Challenge last month.

The only problem I have now is that she is haunting me for an STI.

To the OP, try to get her to the range. Let her shoot something small the first time. Try to get her to Women on Target.
 
My wife is mildy anti. Voted for bama boy, but wanted hillary instead. I think in 31 years, she went to the range once with me. On the other hand, she did not make a big stink when I bought guns for the kids at a young age. She only give me sh*t about buying new guns when we are broke, otherwise she does not care that much except for the plaintive "what do you need another gun for?". So, If involving your gf in shooting sports is important to you, then it might not happen. Take her to the range a couple times and see if any interest is growing. You might have trouble with concealed carry when she is around. She will simply not understand the need--probably ever. If her ignoring your sport and letting you have your way unmolested is all you want, that is easier to accomplish. Buy some stuff (guns, case of ammo, etc) and make sure she sees it, and judge her response. Leave a box of ammo on the kitchen table for a while, and notice if she treats it like a dead rabid skunk, or just ignores it. If she is flipping out about it, well...you might be facing a tough choice. You do NOT want to get married, and all of a sudden have her try to lower the boom on you. Especially if you have kids someday!
I agree with everything above. Do not throw away a relationship that has made it to the point that you have based on this single interaction. I am also married to a Boston liberal and all the family that goes along with that. My wife "hated" guns and it did not realy bother me because I realy did not have the bug to get the LTC nor the desire to deal with all the BS involved in being a gun owner in MA. I grew up shooting all the time and could just shoot when I went home to the parents in RI. I figured I would posibly get back into it at some point. Well that point happened about 2 years ago 23 years into the marraige. Guess what not a stitch of complaining from my wife. She even supported my decision to my super libtard 17 year old daughter that has been brainwashed in school. All my purchases go totaly unquestioned, she prods me to go to shows and the range and when I started testing the waters for the major purchase of the AR she said if you want it then just buy it. She knows I enjoy this sport and the friends I have made in it and is very happy for me. Sounds unreal right well it is not. But do you think I could ever get her to go to the range. Not a chance. And that's ok with both of us.

So long story short your future wife will probably warm to your sport and what ever it takes for you to be happy.

As far as the in-law goes I would not even entertain the thought of a sit down discussion with them. If you do meet I would open the conversation with "If this meeting is about my desicion to own and shoot guns and the intended outcome is for me to change my ways let's not waste each others time. If on the other hand you are seeking information about how to safely own store and shoot and would like to set some time to get together at the range lets get started."

Do yourself a favor though and get a safe if you start getting any kind of a sizable collection. The humor of looking in the closet to see if the rifle went out to do any harm will become a real issue if one of those times you go to take a peak and the collection HAS gone out to do some harm with some unknown visitor.

Good luck
 
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Well this is what i did about 17 years ago i got married her parents didnt like i had shotgun in house .[wink] hunting of course
They wanted to talk so they came over they sat down and said they were uncomfortable about the shotgun in the house
So i looked right at them and said if you are that uncumfotable in my house maybe you should leave [angry] havent had aproblem since[rofl]
 
Ok...so you're to-be wife is scared of guns, you spend a lot of $$$ on guns...both concern her.

Her Dad hears this, has limited experience himself (probably scared as well), is definitely concerned about daughter's to-be husbands financial habits...and wants everyone to sit down and talk.

My advice:
Don't bring up "my cold dead hands" or "its my right" or whatever...this is NOT the issue. The issue is their fear. Your issue is not telling them why they shouldn't be afraid; but to show them how you are a responsible gun owner so that they are not afraid. Additionally since marriage is compromise- the money issue needs to be worked out as well. If you drop $500/month on guns, and she drops $200/month on clothes...you need to reach some common ground. Additionally if she's (for example) saving hard for a house...and you're spending $$$ on guns...again- common ground.

I have put my car hobby on hold and moderate my shooting hobby because WE (collective, I had a roll in this decision) want to clear debt and improve the house...now that we're getting settled more- my spending on these hobbies is increasing again. But remember there is a big difference between getting rid of a hobby- and reducing expenditures for some greater goal.
 
1st, I'm a female (just in case that escaped anyone [wink] [smile] ), and I was young once....we won't get in to how long ago tho. The 1st thing I will tell you is right now your GF is thinking "that's okay, after we're married, I'll change him." I garuntee it luv. The 2nd thing is you really need to watch out because she's got her parents backing her up on the changes.

Frosty had it right hun (must be that age and experience thing, eh Frosty? [smile]), you need to find out where you both stand on more issues than just guns. SHE needs to understand that you aren't about to change, and Dad needs to understand that daughter needs to make her own decisions and do "battles" herself. If you allow him to be the "back up piece" then it'll always be you against them, not just her, on decisions, and it WILL bleed over (maybe that's a bad choice of words) into other subjects.

Just don't avoid the subject, because it won't go away. And, remember the first thing I told you. No matter what you say, if that's her mind set, she won't change after the "I do" is spoken.

Mother
[wink]
 
First, I would try to get your fiance into shooting. Take her to the range, get her to take a safety course, etc. I've been a gun owner for a short period of time, and everybody I've exposed to it as a newbie loved it... including my wife!

Second, as for the inlaws, you need to law down the rules NOW. You DO NOT want your in laws interfering with your married life EVER. If you let them have a seat at the table now, and on something like this, they will feel free to butt in all the time. Trust a married guy on this, you will HAVE TO get used to taking orders from your wife and that is hard enough... under NO CIRCUMSTANCES can/should your in laws do the same.
 
First, I would try to get your fiance into shooting. Take her to the range, get her to take a safety course, etc.

I think it would be better to get to a Woman On Target event, than for her to go shooting with him. 1) many experienced shooters are not experienced instructors. 2) the personal relationship and the current tension between them can mess it up royal -- she'll have no personal axe to grind with the WOT instructors.
 
1st, I'm a female (just in case that escaped anyone [wink] [smile] ), and I was young once....we won't get in to how long ago tho. The 1st thing I will tell you is right now your GF is thinking "that's okay, after we're married, I'll change him." I garuntee it luv. The 2nd thing is you really need to watch out because she's got her parents backing her up on the changes.

Frosty had it right hun (must be that age and experience thing, eh Frosty? [smile]), you need to find out where you both stand on more issues than just guns. SHE needs to understand that you aren't about to change, and Dad needs to understand that daughter needs to make her own decisions and do "battles" herself. If you allow him to be the "back up piece" then it'll always be you against them, not just her, on decisions, and it WILL bleed over (maybe that's a bad choice of words) into other subjects.

Just don't avoid the subject, because it won't go away. And, remember the first thing I told you. No matter what you say, if that's her mind set, she won't change after the "I do" is spoken.

Mother
[wink]

Very wise advise.[grin] Hubby and I knew where we both stood, as far as guns, politics, religion, raising kids,etc before we got married.
Now I have a mother who is very anti gun, anti military, and probably voted for Obama, but who knows.
I learned over the years that there are some people that will never change, she is one of them.
Also if she is already running to Mom and Dad over this, just imagine when you are married what it is going to be like.
Good luck you are going to need all that you can get.
 
I think it would be better to get to a Woman On Target event, than for her to go shooting with him. 1) many experienced shooters are not experienced instructors. 2) the personal relationship and the current tension between them can mess it up royal -- she'll have no personal axe to grind with the WOT instructors.

Women tend to listen better to anyone else but the SO.[grin]
 
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